Expressing emotion particularly crying?

biking8fishing9

Does anyone have problems with expressing emotion?  I have not cried since my diagnosis in November of 2008. 

o2bhealthy

I find that I don't seem to truly 'feel' emotions anymore...I have them, anger, sadness, happiness, etc... however they are more intellectual not physical.  It is almost like... oh that pisses me off... and then back to whatever I was doing.   When my 5 yr old nephew died from cancer last October(we were both dx'd within weeks of each other) I was unable to cry, rant, or really feel anything.  I knew I was sad, scared, angry and grieving but I could not express it. I was numb and often still feel that way...   Does that make any sense????

biking8fishing9

Yes, it does.  I have not had anything as traumatic happen as you have had happen, but I do not express much emotion.  For awhile this spring I had some anger issues, taking and destroying things becuase they did not work but I seem to have gotten over that.  Does the numbeness cause you stress? 

o2bhealthy

I don't think the numbness causes me stress.  BC (Before Cancer) I was always the kind of person who felt emotions FULLY and rarely had a problem expressing them.  I do miss that person, and feel like something has broken inside.  Maybe time is what is needed to come to terms with everything that has happened over the last 14 months.  Hopefully once I fully embrace this person I have become, I will feel safe again to not only have emotions, but to fully 'feel' them again. 

Lowrider54

Well, after crying pretty much constantly for the the first 3 months after my mets dx, I am on a low dose Effexsor.  I was to continue to go up but I asked since I got relief at this point, did I need to as I was fearful that all the emotion would go away, which it can with the drug.  I was told it is what feels right for me - so I stayed on the lower dose.  I have a full range of emotion and cry when it is appropriate - I am not numb.  I think I was more numb when I was first dx'd 11 years ago but I blamed that on the chemo - I was totally chemo-brained so why not emotionally chemoed as well?  I am still me just living in a different world.  And stress is something I avoid and refuse to let into my life anymore - 'talk to the hand'.

karen1956

o2b and hiking....I could have written your posts....feel pretty numb....like I'm living my live and looking in from the outside....flat....like who gives a sh**....I want to cry....a big belly cry...not just eyes welling up with a little water and then its done.....I'm on Wellbutrin....after bilat, chemo, rads ooph I could cry and sometimes even cry just cause another woman was crying.....gyn put me on effexor .....and I've never been the same since....I only tried it a short time....but since them I have tried other anti-depressants and about ready to quit them all.....I want my old feeling self back....I do get blue and if I get stressed over something, I will have a knot in my stomach that doesn't go away even after I am no longer thinking about it.....I want to live life....not just go through the motions.....and don't know how to get it back......

Medigal

If all of you who have problems expressing emotions are taking anti-depressants, that could be the reason, in my opinion.  That is one reason I refuse to take them.  They do weird things to me emotionally and may help with depression but when I want to CRY or YELL , I want to be able to do it!  I am normally a very emotional person and I won't take any type med which keeps me from being the "real" me.  So check your meds and see if it could be something you are taking.  What I prefere about the anti-anxiety meds is that they help calm me down but don't mess around with my brain so I can still be as emotional as I want but in a "calmer" way.  Just my opinion.

biking8fishing9

I was not on anti-depressants from my diagnosis in November 2008 through beginning of May 2009. I was then off of them from mid February 2010 until end of July this year.  No crying on or off of the anti-depressants.  Somehow I think I am just shell shocked.

o2bhealthy

Karen - DITTO!!! Driving home from work today I was thinking that man I really have been faking emotions and pretending to be my old self.  I am not sad...I am not happy...I am just BLAH!

I was on Effexor from August 09 to Feb 2010...It was a life saver when I was thrown in chemical menopause and spiraling out of control emotionally.  I weaned off the medicine once I realized that; yes, it helped level me out emotionally, but I also was noticing that I really wasn't feeling anything.

biking - Yeah!  Shell shocked about says it all.  I have always wondered why it is not automatic that when someone is is dx'd with cancer why they are not automatically referred to a therapist.  I think I am suffering from PTSD or something like that.   I was too overwhelmed at dx to even think about therapy, to exhausted to think about it during treatment and now that I am back at work, I just do not have the time...