I am a New Caregiver-HELP

jenniferlynngo

My mother was just diagnosed as having breast cancer. She had the port put in today and will get a body scan done on Friday then I believe the chemo will begin. I have never cared for someone who is batteling cancer and I am scared. I have been worried about her because she has been getting sick since she got home from the hospital (from the anestisia). I am worried since I am so worried about her today just from having a port put in, what am I going to do when she starts the chemo. I don't want my mom to feel as if I am too much of a worrier and that I cannot handle helping her. I can do this....I can do this! Is there any other caregivers out there or patients/suvivors who can give me some advice on how not to be too worried?

ruthbru

Everyone is different & will have different needs; but I wanted everyone to be very matter-of-fact & wanted people to talk about other things, ask me to do 'normal' things, tell jokes etc. etc. not focus on my situation. I also wanted do as many of my ordinary things as I could, even though I didn't feel well, I didn't want people to shy away from me or treat me like I was sick. Your mom may have a totally different reaction, so you really have to follow her lead (or better yet, ask her how she wants to handle this). I would say not to share your worries with her. If you have a good friend, spouse or other family member who is supportive, share your concerns with them. Best of luck to you and your mom. She is lucky to have you! Ruth

RegulJ

Take this whole experience One Day At A Time.

Do not get "ahead of yourself"- it can be hard to do, not to think about the future but dealing with the "now" is really the best.

When you start thinking about all the things that could go good/bad/right/wrong you will be overwhelmed very quickly.

I like Ruth(above) really didn't like being treated like I was sick. Yes I had bad days and on those days I really wanted to be left alone. I also liked hearing about the day to day activities of other people. It really reminded me that the world was still moving. Humor was also very helpful- especially on my bad days.

Good Luck!

EstherMSKCC

Dear jenniferlynngo,

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. I'm an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and came across your post asking for advice on how not to worry while offering your mom the emotional and practical support she needs to get her through treatment.

The National Cancer Institute offers a great overview on how caregivers and family members can help cancer patients cope during their journey. Here is the link:

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/familyfriends

The American Cancer Society also offers information on how to cope as a caregiver: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/Caregivers/index

And CancerCare is another good resource that offers information, counseling, and support groups for caregivers of patients with cancer: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/Caregivers/index

I hope this information is useful and I wish you the best of luck as you help your mother through this difficult time.

-Esther

shawna41653

I am in the same boat, it have been 2 years and 1 of tx and this on ned but i live in fear, I just try to enjoy each day and take it as it comes, I know it is hard but what else can we do? I just treat her like I use to b4 dx and try to live life like that also it has helped me to learn, that none of us have a promise of the next day so love each other like it , no matter the trouble is your going threw. it took me 2 years to figure tis out. hope it helps you. I have made peace with it no matter what happens love!

jenniferlynngo

Thank you all for the great advice. I am the third child of 5 and somehow I am the one who has to be strong for my entire family. I am exhausted and no matter what I will remain strong for everyone and most of all...for my mother. She is preparing for her second Chemo Treatment on Friday. We have found out that she is in Stage 4 and the cancer has spread to the spine. Not the news we wanted to receive but she is strong and will get through this. Treatment was started right away and they will give her treatment for 6 months then we will see how things are working.

Laurie_R

My best advise to you is to ask your mom what she needs from you, understanding that it could change day to day.  As others have said you'll probabley need to find someone to talk to.  MayI suggest that you contact the cancer center where your mom goes for treatment (you don't say where you are from) they have wonderful support groups both for the paitent and for the care giver/support person. good luck and prayers for both you and your mom.

lleddick

Thank You for all your advice. I am from NY 'but my mom lives in Texas, where I'm originally from. It's hard to be so far away from her so that's why I've made the decision to go and stay with her for a while. I have asked her to come to NY to be closer to my family so that I can take care of her, but she doesn't really want to come this way. Don't really think she could make the trip right now anyway, because of being so weak. I am going to take everyone's advice and just live one day at a time with her and not trying to fix things that I have no control over. THanks again everyone..