How to deal with loved one going thru withdrawals?

cs34

I need help. My fiance got hooked on pain killers, went to dr prescribed Suboxones (assuming they get you away from the pills) only to find out the Suboxones are worse (for most) to withdrawal from than the actual pain killer.

He stayed with me during my operations, chemo, radiation, etc. He used the pain killers as a crutch. I had no idea of this until he came clean to me about it while I was just finishing rads. Since I was a little busy doing "things" to save my life, I didn't have the head/strength to deal with it. I know some of you will want to jump through the computer and choke him for being selfish while I'm going through breast cancer but this wasn't something he wanted to do as it never is for addicts. He says to me, "It was just a pill. I never thought it would get this far!"

Anyway, I am angry and hurt, resentful that I can't enjoy the fact that I am now done with EVERYTHING (had my implants last Wednesday) but I also want to and feel I have to be there for him as he was for me. But I'm angry and I am scared. Scared if he can't get through the withdrawals and the roller coaster this situation is.

And now, the question is...how long do wait for him to go through these hellish withdrawals I've spent hours reading about from other addicts? He told me the truth that he did a piece of a Suboxone on Wednesday. From what I understand, the first two days you're not really feeling anything because it's still in the system. So, this morning, he's at work and has stomach issues and says his legs hurt (all symptoms of withdrawals) but says to me that he'll take a piece of what he has left over if it gets too rough. WHAT? What do you think withdrawals are, you moron? 

The plan and hope was that he would go through the withdrawals this weekend and take a few days next week if he needs to. But for him to say that he'll take a piece if it gets rough is horrifying to me. I know he wants out but I don't think he is strong enough to go through the withdrawals. From the reading I've done about others' experiences with withdrawals, they say your bones are stretching and your skin is shrinking. I went through that during Taxol. If it's the same thing, even a shred of similar pain levels, I can guarantee you that last year August 10th, I thought I was going to lose my mind from the pain. I hate drugs and got through most of my treatments without them but let me tell you...the Taxol pain...I took dilaudids that basically made me unconscious. Point being I cannot imagine if it I had NO relief. Ugh. What do I do? I can't expect him to be happy about facing withdrawals but I just don't know how long I'm supposed to "wait" until he can be strong enough to do this.  

Right now I'm thinking that I will see what happens this weekend, see how today goes and start looking into a rehab. We really don't have the money for him not to work nor does he have insurance. He works construction and was going to come on my insurance when we got married. (Which getting married is on definite hold until I know this is far behind us.) I think rehab may turn out to be the only answer.

He just called and said he's going to give me the pieces of the Suboxones he has left but that doesn't mean he doesn't have another one... Addicts are liars. If he's not on his @ss when he gets home tonight or tomorrow/the weekend, then he definitely took something to take the edge off. Then what do I do when I know he's lying but can't "prove" it and everyone reminds me that he stayed by my side through breast cancer, no hair, treatments, no boobs, gaining weight etc...

Shrek4

Did you guys think of NOT going off of them cold turkey? Cold turkey is very hard, and in the case of some medications it can be dangerous. Did you think of trying the "weaning off" method? As in, today full pill, next week, 3/4 of a pill, next week 2/3, then next week 1/2, etc. It helps the body get adjusted to lower and lower amounts of the drug in the system and once you get to the very small amount, it's much easier to get off of it.

cs34

Hi Day.Thank you for replying.

That's what the Suboxones were supposed to be doing for him but first, they're just as addicting. Second, the "dr" told him to take THREE a day. Third, even when others took the Suboxones and were weaning themselves off and got down to taking just dust/particles, they still went through withdrawals. (just a note: a person posted on the Suboxones boards that a Vicodin withdrawal was like an orgasm compared to the Suboxone withdrawal.)

He is scared to death of the withdrawals (which I can't blame him) but he got himself into this and he is the only one who can get himself out.

I just have to have faith and take one minute at a time. I'm trying to tell myself that when I'm "ready" and when I'm "done," I will leave--if it had to come to that.

I have a second chance now and I want to be happy. If he is REALLY going to do this, I will support him and will do whatever it takes. But it's the back and forth, caving when it gets too tough and then starting the process ALL over again that is a slow torture for me.

Shrek4

What I was saying, was NOT to use that Suboxone thing, but plain pain killers for weaning off of them.

cs34

Oh! Sorry.

At this point, it just has to be cold turkey...if he's going to really commit to getting off this stuff.

Today he has felt both bad and good so I am not sure if he really is "thinking positive", he took a little piece to take the edge off or it just hasn't started to hit him yet.

I'm not good with not having the answers in my face and that's not reality because this is all out of my control. I just have to sit back and watch it all happen until I can walk away (if that's what it comes to) with no regrets...know that I've done all that I could.

An hour ago he was in pain and said he was going to go right home. I just spoke to him and now he's going to come food shopping with me. If you're body is withdrawaling, there is NO way you'd be able to food shop. These are the things that run through my head. Anyway. Sorry I've gone on and on.

Thank you for replying. That was nice of you.

Jenniferz

May I suggest something? Rather than just "reading what others say on the internet" and scaring yourselves silly, contact your local AA chapter. They council more than alcoholics, and they also have counciling for family members and friends as they go through the process. My friend goes to her meetings, while her dh goes to his. And it helps them keep things together.



Is your doctor monitoring this man? Did he just tell him to "take 3" and that was that? If so, then move on to someone else.



Just my 2 cents.



Best wishes.



Jennifer

Bren-2007

CS ... I can tell you're pretty darn mad at your boyfriend.  And even preparing to leave eventually.

Keep in mind, he didn't choose to be addicted to opiates.  Just like you didn't choose to have breast cancer.

He needs help that you can't give him.  Like Jennifer, I would suggest NA (Narcotics Anonymous or AA) for your boyfriend.  You may find Al-Anon helpful for getting some perspective on this.  He needs to have support from others going through the same thing.  You can't help him with this or fix it for him.  He's not a moron, he's addicted.  And it's a long process to become un-addicted.

I was married to a person with addictions .. it didn't last, even when he quit.  After he quit, he was not the person I knew.  There was no fun in this relationship after awhile.  And I chose not to live with the ups and downs.  But first, I attended Al-Anon and had individual therapy before I made my decision.

Sending you strength and a hug to get through this,

Bren

squidwitch42

CS,

Bren gives some excellent advice, and difficult as this is to learn about your boyfriend, no one would choose to go through the hell of addiction and withdrawals.  I've seen many addicts in my work, and it is best to be managed medically in the process of coming off narcotics/substances.  Then begins the process of learning what was behind using narcotics/substances in the first place.  Learning new coping mechanisms, learning to communicate, learning how to stay present with feelings.

I hope that you choose to get help for yourself as well.  I actually have a best friend who is having a rough time now too, and they are not yet at the stage of understanding their addiction, despite life altering evidence. So you remind me that I should get some help for myself to deal with my feelings of sadness, fear of losing them, fear they will get worse...

it is so complicated, isn't it?

I wish you both the best, and don't be afraid to ask for help.  There is help our there.

Traci