Just a prayer

annettie

God, please know that I'm not feeling sorry for myself & asking why me. Know that the tears are falling because I'm afraid. 

I've been in a panic mode for the last few days, filled with anxiety. I'm done with my chemo as of a week ago. I should be happy but just can't seem to pull myself out this pit of despair. I feel more panicked than usual. I'm feeling that the cancer isn't gone, that the chemo missed something. My emotions aren't going to help me heal if this continues. Each day is different, some worse than others. I've been exercising, getting outdoors but nothing is helping my emotional state. Everybody says what a strong person I am, but its just a facade. I am embarrassed to show anything differently. I'm really getting worn out because of it. I'm seeking professional help but can't understand how somedays can be so much worse than others.

I'm sorry to sound so weak today but I needed to vent. 

BreastCancerRegistry

It's good for you to let it out. I think the fear of recurrence is one uniting factor here and on every cancer related blog. You are definetly not alone. I personally have become involved with the Cancer Support Community very recently (apparently depending on where you are it may be called a Wellness Community or Gilda's club...they are all the same thing) I was shocked by the number of activities and support groups they offered both online and within the community. I highly recommend checking it out.

 If your feeling up to it, you can help current and future breast cancer patients tackle the disease by sharing your experiences in a national movement against breast cancer, with the goal being to fill any gaps in care ranging from social to emotional. To learn more and join check out http://www.breastcancerregistry.org.  

I hope you start consitantly feeling better. 

BreastCancerRegistry

It's good for you to let it out. I think the fear of recurrence is one uniting factor here and on every cancer related blog. You are definetly not alone. I personally have become involved with the Cancer Support Community very recently (apparently depending on where you are it may be called a Wellness Community or Gilda's club...they are all the same thing) I was shocked by the number of activities and support groups they offered both online and within the community. I highly recommend checking it out.

 If your feeling up to it, you can help current and future breast cancer patients tackle the disease by sharing your experiences in a national movement against breast cancer, with the goal being to fill any gaps in care ranging from social to emotional. To learn more and join check out http://www.breastcancerregistry.org.  

I hope you start consitantly feeling better. 

lovemyfamilysomuch

You are not weak, honey.  God is listening to you and knows your heart.  Thank you for being brave enough to share your true feelings.  I am sending you love and support! God bless you! xo

annettie

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I don't know what it is that I'm really feeling or what is bothering me...if its actually the fear or the shame and guilt of feeling this way. I hope with time I can sort all this out. Thanks so much and I wish you all the best. I will check out the website, also.

Anonymous

Annettie,

God bless you and BIG BIG HUGS. Jo-5 is so right. We can feel at a loss when a treatment stops coz it feels like we need to be always doing something. To be doing (apparently) nothing has a sense of loss of control. Its just human nature for all of us to want to have a certain amount of control. As Christians, it takes many years to learn to yield EVERYTHING to God and come to a place where we are at peace no matter what and yes I need to heed my own advice! Its very very hard sometimes. God indeed does see every tear, and Im not talking about crocodile tears. No such thing with cancer. Everything with this deal is where the rubber meets the road. 

Im ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS encouraged with Pauls life and what he had to put up with. Moreover, he was one of the most key NT men of God and his example of lifestyle leaves the phony positivist theory in tatters. A mighy man of God and he had just about everything you could imagine as well as fears.... (its called the suffering gospel, and not many people will preach on it.)

2Co 7:5 For, when we were come into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side; without were fightings, within were fears.
 

2Co 11:25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep;
2Co 11:26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;
2Co 11:27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.
 

I will include you now in my thoughts to God and in my prayer time.

Musical

annettie

Thank you all for listening and responding with encouragement. I am feeling better. I was put on Celexa and I took myself off of some of the heart pills the doc put me on and am trying others. So far so good, thankfully. I feel God is with me through this in the good and the bad. I have to remember to trust Him in the bad or weak times.

nettie