coping after a mastectomy

judyqueen20

hi  some days i get very low when i remember i have lost a breast. just wondered how other people cope?            judyqueen20                                                                                                                                            

funsizejen

I'm sorry you have these tough days sometimes....I think we all do.  I try to have my good cry, and then remind myself of all the things that I still DO have.  I think it will probably always be an emotional thing.  ((hugs))

hopefulhealing

I too get very low off and on.  Did you have reconstruction?  I had a blilateral mx Dec. 29th with tissue expanders.  I ended up with infections in both incisions and it caused me to have two more surgeries and hospital stays. Then 2 different IV antibiotics for 6.5 weeks. One of the incisions opened up and took forever to heal.  I had balance problems for 5 weeks after the antibiotics were done due to a side effect of one of them.  As a result I did not have my first fill until 5 months after my original surgery. I get so low sometimes because I was suppose to be able to have a nipple sparing and I lost both of them as well at the second surgery.  I was suppose to be done with all of this at the first of June with my own nipples. With all the complications I won't be done until a year after it all started and I won't have my own nipples.  I get angry and sad. But time has helped it is not as intense and raw.  I find I have to remind myself it is not as bad looking as my imagination tells me. Sometimes I feel like a mutilated freak.  That is not good thinking. I hate that I am not real but so very thankful that reconstruction was an option.  I cope by getting up each day and starting again.  I have a saying in my home office

 Courage doesn't always roar

Sometimes Courage is the

quiet voice at the end of the day saying

I will try again tomorrow.

I think we cope by continually coming back to what is real and true in our lives. My husband is wonderful. It doesn't look as bad as my imagination sometimes tells me. There is a very good article about the grief stages of loosing a breast.  It says it is a time of intense emotions. Anger, sadness, depression. This author who is a mastectomy survivor said it typically takes about two years for a woman to get to full acceptance. So I keep trying. Sorry this is long. Don't minimize how you are feeling. Allow the emotions and then take another step forward.

Good luck.

di431

It takes time, it will get better, you will feel better. I always kept in mind, it could have been so much worse.

TokyoSing

I also had a single mastectomy in March.  For me, the key is to keep active.  My yoga, my walking,  my new language studies ( we located to Tokyo last December, 3 months before I was diagnosed with stage 2 BC), my work - I don't really have enough hours in the day. Nearly 6 months after my initial diagnosis, I have done away with cancer that was trying to kill me, and I am still whole.

baywatcher

Judy-

It has been 6 years since my mastectomy and I am still sad and angry. It is a life changing experience for women. I think about it everyday and I know that if I could do a redo, I would never go this route again.

I wish the medical profession could figure out some other cure than cutting off breasts!

Luah

Determined: Just had to thank-you for sharing that saying:

Courage doesn't always roar  / Sometimes Courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow.

I love that!

hopefulhealing

I think it is hard when others minimize what we have gone through especially women. You can't ever get away from it. I have really good days then the next it all comes back and I am down. I really hate not being the person I was before. I don't just mean physically but emotionally even more I think.  I can't explain to my sister what it is like. That it isn't over when the incision heals. That I will never feel safe again.  Do you guys understand what I mean?

EstherMSKCC

Dear judyqueen20,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble coping after your mastectomy. I am an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and am aware of a number of resources that may be helpful to you and others on this thread.

The National Cancer Institute and American Cancer Society both offer good information on managing the emotional effects of cancer and treatment:

NCI: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/emotionaleffects

ACS: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/TreatmentsandSideEffects/EmotionalSideEffects/index

The ACS also offers information on how to find support in your area: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/SupportProgramsServices/index

Cancercare.org is an excellent resource on finding free, professional support services for anyone affected by cancer, including one-on-one counseling http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/counseling.php and online, telephone, and in-person support groups http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/supportgroups.php.

I hope this information is useful and wish you the best of luck in finding the support you need. -Esther

MelBell07

I recently had a bi-lateral mastectomy in March and am finishing my chemo up and then will begin radiation. I have tissue expanders in that will be exchanged 6 months after radiation is completed. Some days I hate everything...I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel, I hate the way my life will never be like it once was. 

But then I remember I am ALIVE. I am ALIVE, and BREATHING and able to see the sunrise one more day. I don't want the cancer to win, to strip me of one more thing. Maybe my own stubbornness is just so strong that it overrides my tendency to fall into a depression. But it happens. And when I feel myself falling, I just say the Serenity Prayer to myself and think "It could be so much worse."

I hope that you know you are not alone. 

onward

I am going in on July 29th for a blm. I have both invasive ductal and lobular carcinoma. I am having a modified radical on my left breast and a total (simple) on my right. So although I cant answer you as far as how I will feel afterwards, today I am good. I decided to take control where I can. I shaved my head three days ago so that I could tan it before surgery and my expected chemo and rads afterwards. I hate wigs and hats and since I am very tan, I want a tanned head so I can go bold, beautiful and bald later on.

I listen to music, I post on two online forums, I have gone to a yoga class and also had hypnotherapy that is offered free of charge at my local wellness house. I have met several women face to face that are going through the same thing as I. I ask for hugs from everyone. I am very open about my condition. My son says perhaps I am too open. lol. I spend time with positive people. I pray and ask for prayers from everyone. And tonight I am praying for you. Onward