How long until you tell new friends about the bc?

SummerY

Quick intro: I'm 30, diagnosed w/stage 2A almost a year ago at age 29. We moved to a new state last month, and I am meeting lots of new people. I've made a personal rule that I don't tell a new friend about my battle w/breast cancer until at least the 2nd or 3rd time we get together. Is that strange? I'm wondering what is normal in this situation? Do most people just work it into the conversation right off the bat? Thanks for any thoughts/help.

Lauren3

This is an interesting question.  I guess I would just wait for an opportunity to work it into the conversation. 

Marion

Hello Summery,

I don't think it is strange you tell new people you had BC the 2nd or 3rd time you see them. Especially because it is still recent and it feels like it is a big part of you now.

I mention to people I had BC if they comment on my short hair. I think that once my hair is long again, once BC is a distant memory, I won't mention it as much.

I find it hard to wait for an opportunity to mention BC into the conversation, especially at our age (I'm 33). People I meet and who are in their late twenties/early thirties never talk about cancer.

Raili

I'm 31, and was dx'd almost 7 months ago.  I usually tell people about the BC whenever it becomes relevant during conversation, or when they ask me a question that I can't honestly/fully answer without mentioning the BC.  I never randomly say, "Guess what, I had cancer!", but there are plenty of times when conversations provide a natural opportunity to bring it up.  And then, I'm really matter-of-fact about it, don't mince words, and add a bit of humor... and so far, 98% of the people I've told have reponded really well and don't freak out or act weird.

Marion

I forgot to mention in my previous post, that I also mention I had BC when asked about the "kid situation."

People my age, in their early thirties, often ask: "do you have kids? Are you planning on having kids? " When I say no, at least not for the next 5 years (I'm on Tamoxifen), people usually ask us questions, and then I have to tell my BC story.

RegulJ

Dear Summer-

No it isn't crazy to wait to tell people. I told our friends gradually and in stages. Many friends of my husbands still don't know that I am sick (I am 7 months out from surgery).  You can tell them whenever you are comfortable with them. For me at least I kept it hidden because I got tired of explaining it over and over again.

To Marion- I am older soon to be 39 and so far I have dodged the pregnancy question. I plan on telling anyone who asks that it is not an open subject Right now I am just trying to survive!

cd1234

Just the other night my husband and I went out to dinner with our sons soccer team. After dinner we both realized that neither one of us brought up breast cancer. My hair is long enough that people think I cut it this way, and I finally have very small boobs. It has been a year and a half since I was diagnosed. It was very nice to meet a new group of people that have no idea what we just went through. I don't think it is crazy at all to wait and tell people. I really want to try and live the normal life that I did before diagnosis, and not talking about SFBC sometimes is really nice.