Overwhelmed

Aimamia

Hi Everyone,  I am a almost 13 months after my bi-lat. I had reconstruction, and am nearing the end with only tatooing in my future.  I have a business meeting (3 days in vegas) with hundreds of people that work for my company, and I am freaking out.  I am struggling with this new body, it just doesn't feel like me. All of my pre surgery clothes don't fit the same way, and this is the first time I will be seeing so many of these people again.  I know my weight is about the same, but it feels like it is in new places.  I am 145 lbs and 5 ft 8 but I just don't feel right... Anyone have any suggestions?  

badger

Hi Aimamia - my advice is to act as naturally as possible, even if it's an acting job at first.  You'll grow more comfortable with yourself over time.

I have found that people take their cues about me, from me.  Go through your wardrobe and find what still looks good - or buy new if you can afford it - and take your favorites to Vegas.  After my BMX (no recon no foobs) I gave away clothes with darts and bought some new tops that flattered my new shape.

Hope that helps, here's a cyber {hug} too.  Best wishes!

dlb823

Hi, aimamia ~ So sorry you're struggling.  I think most of us have the kinds of issues you're describing as we try to find a new normal, and I understand how your upcoming business trip could especially magnify those kinds of feelings and concerns.

How about buying one great new item -- whether it's a suit, or a scarf, or a pair of shoes -- something that you love and makes you feel fabulous?   You deserve it after all you've been through, and many stores are full of great sales right now due to the economy.  Find something that gives you an emotional lift and just makes you smile.  If you have time, go into a dept. store or a cosmetics store and get some fresh makeup ideas.  Sometimes something as simple as a new blush or bronzer or lipgloss will lift our spirits, as will a good hair styling.

Beyond that, realize that most of the people who will be there are probably having similar thoughts -- whether it's because they're unhappy with their weight or other image or self-esteem issues.  Most people are far more focused on themselves than anyone else, so as tough as it may be to quell your uneasy feelings, I tend to think that no one is going to notice the things you're concerned about, because they will all have their own insecurities.

And, above all, keep in mind that nothing is as important as the fight you've fought over the past 13 months and the inner strength you've learned you had and developed in doing it.  You may not be the exact same woman physically, but I'm almost certain you are a heck of a lot stronger and wiser because of what you've been through, and that should make you stand tall and radiate gratitude that you have gotten to this point and are able to attend this meeting with renewed health.   

Good luck!  Please let us know what you do and how it goes!    Deanna

Aimamia

Thank you both so much!  Deanna, I did just as you suggested and got some fun shoes today that made me smile.  It means so much to me to be able to turn to you ladies who have been through this as well.  Virtual hugs back at you!  

dlb823

Oh, I'm so glad!   You should post a photo for us!  I was also feeling really blah last week and a hair appointment and more trendy style did wonders for my attitude!   We have to remember, we had down moods before bc, and we can't blame everything on our new bodies.  But the good news is, there are plenty of things we can do to lift our spirits.   Another favorite of mine is to crank up the music and dance around.  It's a great instant mood lifter!    Deanna 

raeinnz

Groundhog

You are so right when you say 'people take their cues about me, from me' and that goes for everything in life I think, not just when we are feeling out of sorts after dealing with the trauma of this dx and its treatments.  And you never know what effect your attitude is having on someone else either.  For example I am 15 months post BMX and most people around me have stopped asking how I am now, probably because I have always been very open about the whole situation so most of the questions have been asked and answered by now.  However the other day at work a lady, who I have worked alongside for many years, looked me straight in the eye and said 'thank you for being so up front about your BC - it has really made it easy for us here to feel relaxed around you'.  She then went on to tell me about her mother's battle with BC and that she had kept everything to herself which had made it hard for everyone else as they didn't really know how to treat her and that she had seen that my attitude to my dx had been so much better for everyone.  After all this time she has finally got to the point of being able to be up front with me!

Rae

frangipangi

Hi Aimamia,

You sound like you must look great at 5ft 8' and 145lbs! That is super gorgeous girl so remember that!

You didn't say if your recon was implants - if so, remember you'll have perky boobs too! After my recon (I had a bi-lat and recon via expanders & implants) my boobs were higher & firmer than they'd been in years which looks great under clothes. I did notice peoples gaze dropping to my chest area but its natural curiosity and actually more likely if you are looking fit, healthy & 'normal'.

Try to see your new body as a liberated 'new you' that is cancer free. It may not be perfect but your scars are battle scars and you should feel proud of what you have achieved. If you can get through breast cancer, you get through anything! I just blogged on a similar subject, please pm me if you'd like info.

Good luck in Vegas!

Frangipangi

Laurie_R

I'm not sure if this is the right sight for this post but I have to start someplace.  First off this not a sales pitch, if I can come up with a workable design I would be donateing them to the cancer rooms that most of the hospitals have.

I'm trying to come up with a light weight design that those of us who have had masectomies could use under some of the tops that are lower cut or those that have the bigger arm holes to help camifloge our prostetic boobs.

and I guess my question is if there would be any interest in something like that.  No sense racking my brain to design it if no one would be interested.  Thanks for any and all responses.