Mom Diagnosed..

sunshine29

Hello everyone, wish I was introducing myself under different circumstances, but nice to meet you all anyways.

My Mom recently underwent surgery to remove an infection in her breast, upon her post surgery follow up, she was told the upsetting news that she has breast cancer.  

 Understandably, she's been very upset and it kills me that I'm not near her now - I live about 5 hours away and I'm in college, without a vehicle so I can't just drop everything and come see her, like I wish I could.

 I'm having such a hard time with this and I feel so guilty, because I know I need to be strong for her, but the thought of anything being wrong with her just tears me up -- I wish it was me and not her, she's such an amazing person

 I just don't know how to help her with being far away.  I call her daily and usually at least 3 times a day, we talk all the time and we're super close, but I still feel like there's something more I could do, perhaps it's just wishful thinking? Or is there anything I can do?

My Aunt is currently battling another form of cancer herself and seeing her battle with it really worries me because it's been such a difficult fight, one that still has her in the hospital.  I know the different forms are very different, but cancer.. yuck. What a horrible word.

My Mom doesn't have insurance, despite having a full-time job too, so she delayed treatment significantly because she couldn't afford and that scares me too.  I feel like I'm talking in circles (which I probably am) but I just need to get it out -- my Mom is my rock and now that she's going through this I need to be her's, but I feel so weak now.

Thank you for any responses -- no one around me is experiencing a similar problem, so it's hard for them to relate and for me to describe my emotions, so I truly appreciate any input any of you have.

RaiderDee

Hi Sunshine.  I'm really sorry that you and your Mom have to go through all of this.  I don't really know what to tell you other than to say that your Mom is lucky to have you looking out for her.  Is your Mom married?  Does she have a good support system at home to help her?  She will need good people around her to help her get through this.  Have you told your Mom about this site?  There are so many great ladies (and men too) that have so much information and encouragement they can share with her.  You also need to make sure that you take care of you, too.  It's always hard when someone you love is in pain or experiencing something as frightening as a cancer diagnosis.  Just do your best to be there for your Mom.  Try to encourage her to join us on BC.org so we can help her as best we can.  Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.  I'll do my best to answer as best I can.  Take care, Dee 

baci

Heya sunshine...well im going throught the exact same thing as you, my mom was diagnosed a little over 2 weeks ago and its still sinking in. Your parents are meant to be your rocks and suddenly they are not as strong as we thought they were. She is very lucky to have you support her as there is no better support than from a daughter as its a special bond. Im in my final year of college myself so i understand the helpless feeling, my parents wont let me come home they want me in college, maybe if i was home it might make it more real for them. She needs a good support network though, my mothers friends have rallied like a small army. The only thing you can do is just be there to listen if she wants to vent, my mom is going through the 5 stages of acceptance right now so you really just have to role with her emotions as they come, if she shouts or gets angry its tough but you just have to keep in mind its not at you its at the cancer. 

I really do get how you feel, you have to be strong for her, suddenly the roles are reversed, you feel like the parent telling your child its going to be ok. You have to be positive...but dont overuse that word...my mother is sick of hearing people to "be positive" as its bloody hard to be positive when youve just been told you have breast cancer, you just need to make her smile and see that things are fighting for because im sure right now the feelings she has are close to "why they hell do i have to have this". You just gotta keep your chin up and you to be a positive force for your mam, have a cry when you need it, vent when you need to either on here or to a close friend. Hope this will help in some way! 

sunshine29

Thank you both SO much.  It's so comforting to read your words.

 I did tell my Mom about this place, but right now she's been saying she doesn't need anyone or a support group.  She's adamant of doing this on her own and that she's "fine."  I'm trying my best to be there for her, but I don't know what to do.  I want to help her anyway that will, but she's pushing me out and I don't know if I should let her for awhile in case she really just does need some time or if she's saying it, but really does want someone.

She's starting radiation finally next week, the infection she had kept getting worse and they had to postpone it, but now due to her surgery she's saying she's deformed and feels terrible about herself.  She doesn't want to see a Psychologist, is there anything I can do?  I feel so helpless.

a_janny

Hi.I'm pretty much in the same position than you guys.I'm 24 and my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last week.She's going to have her surgery next week and the worst thing is I can't be there because my mom is living abroad.So here I'm trying to study for my exams and wandering restless around in my room.It's really driving me crazy.(My parents also won't let me came home and want me in university)

The only tip I have for you is talk to your mom and tell her how much you love her, that will give her support.Don't push her to hard, if she wants to be alone leave her.(I know it is really hard, but she needs time by her own.You can't fight her battle you just can support her.)