May 2010 Chemo
Comments
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Hey Paxton... my face is so sore too... think it's the no hair thing, but it just feels raw... that and the break outs!! Hope the teething has gotten better; BF can unwind, and you can get some relaxing in!! I think about you a lot!
(HUGS) -
Can we talk hot flashes? I have been having them since shortly before my diagnosis. It's been 7 months now and I'm getting pretty frickin tired of them! Anyone else? Does anyone have any tips? Oh, what I wouldn't give to just be able to sleep through the night without ripping the covers off, on, off, on, off, on...
Jen
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Leanna, you can find them at stores like Akins ( I don't know if you have that in your area) and sometimes even at Walmart. As the producers warn though that if they are not properly refrigerated and are allowed to get warm at any time, the DIM can be lost, I decided to grow my own.
Monday, after the chemo, we will be heading at Akins to look for broccoli seeds, if they dont' have any, I will buy some online (I will give the website in a minute), I found a website that sells the seeds quite cheap.
I already "concocted" a tiered contraption made essentially of tuppelware with a thin layer of sponge to replace dirt (I thought - dirt can harbor bacteria, the sponge I can wash and disinfect between "crops") but you can get the kits almost anywhere - including the website I was talking about.
Here's the website:
The seeds: http://www.wheatgrasskits.com/sprouting/broccoli_sprout_seed.htm
The kits: http://www.wheatgrasskits.com/sprouting/sprouting_kits.htm
And here's a company that produces the sprouts, check in the store locator maybe you can find one near you and you dont' have to grow it:
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Here's the link for Brassica tea: http://www.brassicatea.com. I'm the one who said I went and purchased some. I've been drinking the red bush with SGS (sprout extract) and love it. I agree with Day that the actual food is always best and that the sprouts are the way to go, but read the link and see what you think. I'm just putting it out there in case someone wants to read about it more. If interested, there's a link to buy it from Baltimore Coffee and Tea Co. It did come out of Johns Hopkins and is worth looking at. I've been told it's fantastic for us.
My son had a swim meet in 102 degree temp. yesterday and it did me in. I went to lay down at 7:30 last night and just awoke at 3:30 a.m. fully clothed... I didn't hear a thing in my house last night - my daughter even had her friends over. Yikes! Now I'm on the verge of getting a UTI because I waited too long to empty my bladder.
I went out on Friday on spur of the moment and bought a new wig. My first one (Fiona) is human hair and very much like my own hairstyle - lots of colors, short, textured, edgy - with various shades of reds and browns and blonds. So I bought a synthetic blonde bob - LOL! It feels great and is light and summery and gave me a fresh boost. I'll have to post some pics. It puts me in a playful mood - which I could really use. I'm going to bring it to San Diego when I take off with my DH next week. The new me:-)
Iristhtess ~ how's the neuropathy? Have you found anything to help it. I hope you can nip it in the bud.
Leanna ~ thanks for the neutropenic diet link. Are you being pummelled by pellets this weekend? Hope not.
Njbhwgirl and Packjen ~ I still haven't heard from Casting For Recovery. I think they contact you closer to the date of the retreat. The one in MD is in Oct. - thank God because it will be cooler! Jen - I'm glad you have your own bed! Jersey - what do your initials stand for? I've come up with lots of ideas but now I must ask.
Patricia ~ I love your idea of a healing celebration. Please keep us posted on what you come up with. I had a Barnes gift card and ordered both Simonto bks. Too bad their seminars are so pricey.
Golfergirl~ glad you rad. onc. said you could lose weight. I'm at exactly 17 lbs. up :-( I'll be eager to hear how the rads go.
Paxton ~ glad the face is better. Re: Avastin - good luck on the decision. I'm in a clinical trial and that was one of the arms of the study that was an option for me. I think I'd be concerned about my heart.
Packjen ~ ahh... the hot flashes - yes they suck! Sometimes I can't even put my makeup on because of the beads of sweat on my face.
I'm sending a hug to each of you and hoping you have a stress free SE-free Sunday! ~ Daiva
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Packjen - I really wish I could speak to your hot flashes because that would mean I was getting near chemopause... but I still suffer from almost daily dark discharge... not a period... and not-not a period.... and maybe a rare hot flash. I have hear that if you can immediately get to a cool place when they start, it helps... like getting to the freezer, opening it and sticking your head in!
Day, thanks... I'll follow the websites.
Daiva - The pellets always come
.. they are also made of unearthly material... clearly aliens plant them in my body and laugh as I strain to extract them. We're much better today, finally! Your new wig sounds great - both of mine are longer hair - as I had long hair before, but I remember the shorter cuts I tried on were so much cooler and comfortable. I'm sure you're gonig to love it!
Had a nice night out with some GFs last night... good to just chat and laugh.
And, we're trying to plan a trip up to Strasburg, PA to see Thomas before our youngest is too old... but, we'll have to do it after my final chemo and before surgery to meet Thomas' schedule in September. Should be fun!!
Question: When was everyone's 'tough' days following AC treatment... and how functional/non-functional were you???? Thanks!!
(HUGS)
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Well, I am getting ready to take my pre-med today - last tx tomorrow! It is yoo-hoo but I am still nervous. I am nervous before each treatment. I think the fact that I had adverse reactions the first TWO treatments just added to the anxiety I had about chemo.
I had friends coming over last evening - this was the norm during "normal" times. We had a wonderful dinner - we always do pot-luck and it works great. We had crockpot spinach-and-cheese lasagna (me), stir-fry veggies, garlic bread, layered salad, garden salad, brownies and neapolitan ice-cream. All this with a choice of ice-tea, Bud or sangria wine. I know, splurging.But totally worth it. The last guests left at 2:30 am. No, I don't have a hangover lol.
My sweetheart is still sleeping - we are planning a little walk around noon, when it's not so hot yet. Then he will go do some grocery shopping to make sure I have everything I need (he leaves Tuesday and will be back on Wednesday evening, then leaves again Thursday and comes back Friday evening then he's got Sat, Sun and Monday off). I have my friends "on call" for this week when he won't be in. Tusday one of my friends will drive me to get my Neulasta shot and to the PS appointment.
I can't wait for this tx to be behind me. I can say I am not looking forward to next week - being again sick (not nauseated though, just that general sickness feeling), dizzy, and in pain. But I keep saying "it's for the last time" and that gives me courage.
x-raygirl, I know, I read all about the Brassica tea and about everything I could find on this subject. But remember, what my BS told me was "confidential" and "he wasn't even supposed to tell me this". Well heck, I came here and told you guys, so there, lol. But, I trust him. And I think it's not big words to say "I trust him with my life" because it's true. I did trust him with my life since this journey began, and he was and is the one who supervises all my treatments and everything - I know it seems a little backwards, as normally the oncologist is the one who does it, not the breast surgeon, but in my case, everybody defers to him as he is the "authority" in the matter. I consider myself very lucky to be accepted as his patient.
So, I hope everybody has a wonderful Sunday. I will probably "lurk" around here today. I will try tomorrow topost from the chemo room but their wifi signal is sooooo slow that the pages barely load. If I can't I will post after I get home.
Hugs to everybody
Day
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Hi Women Warriors, Today is a little bit hard for me. I have the 3-5 day achey body that seems to be the worst part of the taxol for me. My arms and feet feel so heavy. Leanna, to answer your question about A/C, for me the gastro stuff was hard and it seemed to always be there. The thing that scared me the most was the shortness of breath that came about day 9-11 in my two week cycle. Now I know it was the low red blood count. I was functional throughout the cycle, being able to walk almost every day. I did take nausea drugs to combat the upsets, and eating or drinking anything was difficult on a lot of days. Daiva_- I considered going to Simonton and even talked with them on the phone, but the timing was not right. I decided I could create the elements of their program myself, and save a lot of money. I will use that money for my trip after I finish treatment. BTW, I was a Swimmer's Mom for 15 years and sat though some hot meets. I don't think I could do it right now. Day I know what you mean about your BS. My onc has a national reputation for his work with breast cancer, and I feel so lucky to be in his care. He is an older man, and very calm and focused. I am glad you were able to have company, and that you will soon be finished with your treatment. Good luck tomorrow! It never gets easy. I am nervous each time, and especially when I changed meds. I hope everyone is having a good Sunday. I am alone and just resting, due to the achey pains. Yoga helps with this too. My Sweetie returned to his home to mow grass, etc, so he can be back with me for treatment. He is really an awesome partner. Thank you all for being here for me. It helps so very much to dialog as we do, and know that I am not alone with this. Hugs and Prayers to all. PS I got a box of hats from Heavenly Hats. Check them out on the web, if you have not yet.
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Not such a great weekend. Add me to the list of hot flashes and GI issues...holy buckets. I'm feeling the crash hard and raking around the idea of not doing any more Avastin. Still doing meditation cd's but feeling tough.
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evening all:
took my grandaughter shopping today. It is her 1st birthday wednesday and I bought her a little manual car.. I call it the flinstone car. Both my kids had it when they were young and used it forever. Hope she likes it as well. So happy I was able to even shop. Feeling better with the Taxol. I even went to Home goods and TJ Max... I love those stores.
golfergirl: wow tats..I'm impressed. Good luck on wed with rads.
Summer: glad you enjoyed the wines...and good no "Talk" ...I try to avoid it myself as much as possible.. too depressing.Your really getting around. .You must be feeling better too!! yeah
Leanna: glad your son is getting the hang of it. Once they have it, they race like the wind...
Patricia: how did you get less steroids? Wish I could.. that is the worse part of the whole treatment
all enjoy rest of weekend.....I have my last fill with the ps this Wed..wow..no more traveling to city until I go for my pre-tests before the exchange...
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Good evening everyone njbhwgirl So glad you got to take your GD shopping. My GD is 8 months old. I am making her some little sun dresses. I love TJ Max and Home goods too. I love to shop for cooking utensils, knives, pretty plates, etc. In regard to the steroids, my onc starts to decrease them with each weekly taxol. The first time I took 4, Dexamethasone(4mg) the day before and 2 the morning of. They also give me 3 with the infusion. The second infusion I took 2 (4mg) the day before and one the morning of, and they gave me 3 with the infusion. The next time I will take one(4mg) the day of, none the day before and 3 with the infusion.(I also get a benadryl and a pepcid as premeds). Then it will only be the three with the infusion. He says that the research shows that if you do not have a reaction within the first 3 infusions, extra steroids are not needed. I am very happy about this, and had no reaction the first two times. I think my infusion is 130 of Taxol.I will have twelve weeks of this. The onc said that my center no longer does Taxol in large doses, due to the inability of most people to tolerate it. Hope this helps. Paxton I am sorry for your bad day. Keep up the meditation and know we are all praying for you to feel better. Daiva By the way, my onc said Simonton is a "very well respected program". He said there are a lot of shysters out there. I was surprised to hear him say this. He is very research oriented, but accepts all my alternative therapies. Anyway I hope you can use the books.
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Hey, haven't posted in a while. Something to help you all laugh. I normally wear hats or scarfs. Today we went to my mother-in-law's house (she is 84). Well, she asked me if I'd like to have a wig she has. I said I have one -- I just don't really wear it. (Saving it for when I return to work --- mid-August.) Well, she went back to some room in her house (she keeps EVERYTHING) and brings in a VERY BLONDE SHORT WIG in the box and all that had been HER MOTHER'S wig. Now, this person died back in the late 70s. It had to have been a wig she used back in the 50s/60s. Anyway, I didn't try it on -- several of the guys did -- my husband's son and brother-in-law and son-in-law did -- joking around with it. She insisted that I keep it to have "another wig" to wear. So to keep from hurting her feelings I brought it home. Anyway, I thought this imaging would help make some of you laugh. OH DEAR! I have my LAST CHEMO on Thursday. Here's to keep on laughing even though normally it might make us cry! (My mother-in-law really means well -- she just doesn't think about the BIGGER picture -- truly) Love, Kim
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Hi everyone - once again it feels like I haven't posted in ages but I have been keeping up with you all during the week. I had such a fabulous weekend. I spent all day yesterday in Central Park in 90+ degree heat with my friends. It's an annual picnic we have to honor the passing of one of my best friend's mother who died 6 years ago. It's really such a nice tradition that brings us all together for fun, laughter, eating drinking and honoring our families.
I feel pretty much back to normal now. The only thing going on with me is that my eyebrows are really starting to thin. I'm not stressing this - just filling them in with pencil (probably not doing a great job because I'm clueless). Eyelashes are still there as is all of the hair on my arms and the part of my legs that I didn't shave. The part I do shave grows back really slowly and thin. Chin hairs are starting to re-appear slowly.
I was very interested in the discussions about mortality. It made me realize that I'm sort of in denial about this whole thing still. I guess I'm trying not to think about this coming back again. I think I will be really nervous when I go for my first mammo/ultrasound. I also really appreciate the discussion and information on nutrition. I know this is really my downfall and I'd better get serious about improving what I eat. I know this is supposed to be my wake-up call so I better wake up. Unfortunately I don't like to cook but I'm still going to get Cancer Fighting Kitchen and I'm sure there must be some things in there that are easy to prepare.
So tomorrow is my rads simulation. I'm not nervous at all (I only get nervous when I'm waiting for test results - like really nervous). I'm going to bite the insurance bullet and just pay whatever and hope for the best. I really love my doctor and I hear she is one of the best so I don't want to mess around and look for someone else - not to mention it is more convenient for me to stay with her. I don't want any more delays (I feel like I really delayed chemo) so I would like to for once start something on time. I will most like start on August 11th - a couple days after I get back from PR. And like GolferGirl I want to stay with the group although I did go check out the August rads group because it's good to hear about what others are doing for pain/redness.
Summer - it was nice to hear that you too had a wonderful time with your girlfriends. It is important to do things that make you feel normal and not have to discuss cancer.
patricia - I hope you are starting to feel better. My grandmother used to make me dresses and I still have some of them.
fotopet - congratulations on finishing up your treatments. I hope you had a decent weekend and that you are starting to feel good by now.
LauraM - good to hear from you! I hope you are feeling better with the taxol.
njbhwgirl - so terrible that you ended up in the hospital but how great that your friends and family showed you how important you are to them. That's really amazing that they would be such a huge help with such a large party. I can't imagine me organizing a party like that let alone any of my friends taking over for me. Good luck at the PS this Wednesday and happy b'day to your granddaughter. Also, congrats for getting selected for Casting for Recovery. Packjen - that was hysterical about possibly having to share a bed - yikes! So glad you don't have to. x-raygirl - I hope you get selected for this program as well.
Day - You're amazing. It's just fascinating to read your posts.
Leanna - Happy Anniversary!!
GolferGirl - You and I are really traveling this road together. I'm right behind you once again with the rads so I'll count on you to pave the way. You seem to get a lot of good information from your doctors. Hopefully I get on the nutrition bandwagon like you have. Happy belated Birthday. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm sure you did!!
(((((HUGS))))) Drim
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I signed up to join Crazy, Sexy, Cancer's website. I remember watching the documentary afew years ago and was curious if the lady who did it was still alive...and she is. I'm finding her site very energetic.
I'm nervous about telling my onc I don't want to continue with the Avastin. Seems stupid, its my body.
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Paxton ~ I read Carr's bk and forgot she had a website - just spent 1/2 hr. checking it out. Thanks for mentioning it. Sorry to hear about your GI issues and hot flashes. Oy!!! Re: the Avastin, my onc. tells me we're a team and he's there to give me info and we make the decision together. I think if you express your concern and discuss it with him, you'll be ok. When do you see him again?
Day~ so it sounds like the SGS extract in the tea is not worth the money. Thanks for the info. I've been juicing wheatgrass when I have it and will defintely be adding broccoli sprouts. Actually, I love turkey wraps with sprouts - with avocado and grainy mustard. Will pick some up today. Hurray - last tx today :-))))) Your pot luck sounded fun. 2:30a.m. is way past my bedtime! Also, sounds like your BS is awesome! What a blessing!
Drim ~ I think you'll find the CFK's recipes easy. I love the egg cups - esp. because I'm trying to eat more protein. I've read we need lots more as our bodies rebuild from the chemo. Re: mortality, I just don't want to bury my head in the sand. It's sobering and yet, I still feel for myself that there's something I need to learn or face - but not in a depressing morose way. I oscillate between a sense of calm and peace about it and being sad that I'm stage 3 and what if. I want to embrace this time and learn all I can. Life is such a great teacher and I want to come out wiser, stronger, and better as a result of all this.
Patricia ~ will check out heavenly hats. It's good to hear your onc. respects Simonton. I know there are lots of quacks out there. You mentioned spring water in the past - are you particular about what brand of water you drink? I have a filter that's in my refrigerator and sometimes wonder if that's sufficient. Your Sweetie sounds like a keeper!
Njbhwgirl~ last fill already?! how many cc's are you at? I'm still curious what the initials stand for... Good luck Wed. and pls keep us posted.
Kim~ great story! I think you should put the wig on and post a pic for us.
Summer ~ Timtam told me she had to sort some things on her site first. Were you able to get to the pic forum?
I'm still fighting off this darn UTI. Will call dr. this a.m. since I'm at my nadir pt. today. I also had the runs yesterday - maybe wbc are down too. After my last tx. I had GI issues right around this time with lots of fatigue. Do any of you take probiotics? I'm thinking my body might need some. I don't know too much about them but am going to look into them.
The temps here in MD have finally broken. We've had too many 100 degree days. Yay, I might actually be able to get a walk in without wilting. You guys inspire me and motivate me in many ways. Thanks to EACH of you (even the ones I didn't mention today) for your posts. I, too, mention my chemo-warrior friends often in conversations. I learn a lot from you and am grateful to have you. Hugs ~ Daiva
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Wow! I haven't been on for a few days, and it takes half and hour to read everything! I still am not sure if I really "got" it all. Chemo brain is really acting up today. I had my 4th and last AC on Friday. Spent two days throwing up - anti-nausea drugs just don't work for me. Oh well, I'm hoping that the onc. is right and there is less nausea with Taxotere (which I asked my pharmasist, and the only difference between Taxotere and Taxol is that one is synthetic. I can't remember which one, as he answered me after the chemo drip had started.)
Jen - I hear you about the hot flashes! Some days are just awful! Chock it up to one more thing that I didn't think I'd have to deal with in my 20's! At least it makes me more empathetic to my mom and mother-in-law when they are complaining about it.
Davia - your comments on mortality sum up how I feel too. Sad about it being stage 3 and the what if's but still able to enjoy myself. I really feel that it has made me a better and stronger person.
Have a great day ladies, I'm off for now, chemo does strange things to my eyesight so I can't sit in front of the computer screen too long...
Jenn
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Good Morning everyone, I am just back from my morning walk, and catching my breath before I prepare breakfast for myself. I hope we all learn more about nutrition and healthy eating. Drim - The Cancer Fighting Kitchen will have many recipes you can use. I love the Black Bean soup. It is a dish that others like as well. Anyway, nutrition is such a big part of our future health. Regarding mortality, does anyone every have the sense that it hurts your feelings that you got cancer? I don't know a better way to describe it, but I feel really hurt, like this was not supposed to happen to me. I usually cry when I feel this way. I think of my children, my life and I just think,"this hurts my feelings." Anyway, it is different from the fear, and from the depression. Mostly I have positive thoughts now, but I also know there are parts of me that need to change: thought processes, habits, that I can no longer "afford" to have as part of my life. This is very freeing and liberating. I guess I feel I cannot entertain things that are petty, or a waste of my time and energy. It is easier for me to say no. Anyway, these are some of the things I think about. Kim I love the wig story. It is so funny. Maybe we need to do a collection of wig stories. Paxton,I just watched Crazy Sexy Cancer from netflix this past week. Thanks for the info on the website. Daiva- I have a refrig. filter too,, but I think Spring water is better and I use Mountain Valley. I also have a filter for a little tap on my sink that I use for cooking. I use the spring water for tea, and other drinks. I can not say for certain how to choose, but I like the taste of this, which makes me drink more. This is important to me, because I did not drink enough water before. I hope your UTI is better. LibraryJenn I think a lot about being stage 3,grade 3 too. I also am starting to feel less affected by the numbers. Drim My greatest fear comes from test results too. It is like I do not want to face another report. I think it is almost like PTSD, from the initial ultrasound.I was alone and the doctor pretty much told me that day, that it was not good. She could see the lymph node involvement too, which for me was really threatening. Anyway, for anyone I missed, keep in touch and know you are all part of my prayers.
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Day - What an awesome evening! Sounds llike it was just what you needed. And, for treatment - this IS the last time... you CAN do this!!!!!!!!
Patricia - thanks for the info on the AC. I am starting to get nervous... changing regimens. Do they do steroids?? Are you able to drive yourself for the neulesta injections? As for mortality... yes, my feelings are hurt! When I was getting my diagnostic mammogram and waiting for the results (of course, 80% are benign.... so I was not worried), I watched as the woman across from me was very anxious... outwardly anxious... and they came and told her that her results were fine (I imagine she HAD breast cancer, and this was a follow-up/annual scan)... she was so relieved, and I remember being happy for her, and continued sitting there carefree.... and then things changed within an hour when the ultrasound doctor got finished with me, and pretty much told me she would be surprised if this was benign, and she also saw an abnormal lymph node... I cried and cried after I got the news that my lymph node had tested positive. I had 2 biopsies that day, one on the other breast (for a suspicious spot on MRI), and remember thinking that I would rather have BC in the other breast than have a positive node... I have been forced to have conversations about life insurance, retirement accounts, social security, and changing our wills.... etc. Anywho... enough on that!
Paxton - GI and hot flashes... no fun! ((HUGS)). And, do not be nervous about telling your onc you are done with Avastin.. I think you are imagining the reaction being worse than it will be... he will probably just be like, "well, OK." But, don't worry about it, it IS your body!
Jersey - I love those little manual cars too... they use them for a long time - such fun! Glad you are feeling better on the Taxol!
Kim - that is so sweet and funny!! YAY for last chemo on Thursday! My last taxol is Wednesday, and I start AC the following Tuesday! YIKES... just 6 days later!
Drim - Your day in Central Park sounds wonderful. Glad your hairs are hanging in there (except the chin ones). You will have to let us know how rads go, so we'll know what to expect!!
Daiva - Sorry about your UTI. I hope it gets better quick. I don't take probiotics, so I don't know...
Jenn - Hey. I don't think the taxol has really shut down my ovaries like the AC will... I don't get hot flashes, and still just have almost a constant discharge of menstrual stuff... annoying! I hope you have less nausea with the taxotere, throwing up stinks!
I think I had a delayed steroid crashd yesterday... I slept almost all day, and then all night, with a few crying bouts in between when I was awake! A little depression, maybe?!! Feeling sorry for myself. Not wanting my DH to go to work and leave me! Really hoping that these awful headaches go away when I'm done with taxol... really nervous about starting AC next week.... going for a bike ride yesterday evening was all I did!! I just want to feel better, and can't imagine another 2+ months of chemo... but, it is what it is!
((HUGS)) everyone!
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Well, my last tx today was pretty uneventful - well except that we wre there for a little over an hour before they got to hook me up, they were over-crowded today.
We got a tray of cookies for the nurses - chocolate chip cookies, i hope they enjoyed it.
No adverse reaction. The pre-meds went in very fast - they started Taxotere at 100 and after half an hour upped it to 150 then 200. Cytoxan went in at 800. By 2:30 we were out of there.
Right now I have a little light-headedness, advanced chemo-brain and I'm tired (went and actually laid down a little). My sweetheart went and did the last bit of grocery shopping so I can have what I need while he's gone. Talked already on the phone with the friend who will give me a ride tomorrow to get my Neulasta shot and the PS appointment.
I'll probably be now and then now for a week - as fatigue and Percocets kick in and be more active next week.
Wishing everybody a great week
Hugs all
Day
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Leanna There are no steroids with Taxol, but a lot of GI meds, to be used the first three days, then prn. I got Emend for three days, as well as three other nausea drugs. It is possible to drive yourself to the Neulasta shot. I did not feel like it the first A/C, and it is some distance for me to drive, ( about 70 miles round trip), but the injection takes all of 10 minutes. I got nervous when I started Taxol, so I know what you mean about switching. The thing that helped me to most was after my first infusion, I got an extra premed drip to prevent nausea. It took about an hour longer, but it was the best thing for me. I get discouraged knowing I have 3 more months of chemo and 2 of rads. But we will get through this. Thanks for sharing the feelings you had about diagnosis. I felt the same way about the lymph nodes. I so did not want that to be true. Day Yeah for being finished! I hope the next few days are not too bad for you. Hugs and Prayers to all Patricia
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Leanna9 AC - When I was given AC, most of the day of and most of the 2nd day were fine,day 2 was Nuelasta shot ..Day 2 about early evening I would start feeling the Chemo...started feeling very tired ..not interested in eating,,..day 3 was very very tired. just tried to watch movies and do things with out much energy. Day 4 was the gut rot day, I did not have any Nausea, just like a rock sitting in my gut. by day 5 energy level was coming back and diarrhea would start. ( felt good because of not having any for the last 4 days)...day 7 back for blood check, not till the last 2 AC treatments did my WBC go down, last one was the worst.,.. there are steroids, a 4 day Dexa was dripped before infusion ... I was taking Dexa pills 3 doses after chemo and Emend for 3 doses. one before the started the Chemo and 2 more, once a day after... they held the nausea in place ....no drugs the day before .....the Cytoxan was the one that gave me trouble during the infusions with sinus drying...it took 1 hour to drip...nurse would fill a glove with warm water and I would put it on my nose/sinuses....by day 6 I was able to go for my walk ..during day 3/4 I was able to get to the corner...if I did go for a walk....I hope in some way this helps you with your new treatments....
After the Pain I had this past week with the Taxotere I would rather be back on AC... I 'm feeling a lot better, but just now noticed some little bags of swelling on my ankles...
I have had more emotional jags this week...today I was getting ready to go for my walk when I looked at myself in the mirror.. my eye brows have about 3 hairs each and my eyelashes are gone as of this morning...that put me over ...had my cry then, left for my walk....what can you do!
I did notice that there is almost a 5 o'clock shadow on my brows....I hope this is really them growing back. I did have to pluck off a stray eyelash off my chin today .....so the hairs are there just the wrong ones are growing back....lol!!
Went to the Horse races this weekend we had tons of fun...I figured I can sit at the home or sit at home...races won out....
Mortality issues...I want to believe that I will be here for my Daughters and my Sons weddings and see my grandchildren..I have had the "why me" conversation with my self...and I have had the Dang I should have bought more life insurance ..Since this whole BC thing stated I wanted to keep a positive mind set that I will beat it..then things like last weeks pain try to knock it out of me...again I have to imagine that it is those darn little pink Ninjas beating the crap out of the cancer cells...but the thought of dying is there and it creeps in to my thoughts every once in a while...and it is a reality. but I have to stay positive because like I said I want to see my childrens children..
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Sacphotomom,
I tried to have the same convo with myself. then I went back and thought: "ya know, I could have not been diagnosed with cancer, and being all healthy and active, in the same month could have gotten in a car wreck; or gone to swim in the lake and drowned; or ... or... but because I was diagnosed with cancer, I was busy doing other things, so my life was extended, albeit not in a very fortunate way, but still was extended. So now I take every day, even the days whenI feel like crap, as a blessing. One day at a time, my friend, and try and enjoy even the pain, because it means YOU ARE ALIVE!!!
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Well said, Day! I'm right there with you, Sacphotomom, it's the days after tx that I'm in lots of pain and feeling really beaten down that get tough emotionally. I'm finding myself getting irritated with my DH - kind of like when I'm PMSing. I'm not at all that kind of person, so I keep it inside. I'm laid back and easy going and cheerful. So I hate when I'm feeling irritable. Someone told me it's the steroids. I guess they stay in our system from one tx to the next - does that sound right? It'll be good to get away with DH to San Diego this weekend - just us and no kids. Sacphotomom, do you think the steroids could be playing with your emotions on top of it all? I'm glad you got to the races - any distractions help, along with fun and things that make us smile.
I had an opportunity to go to the neighborhood pool by myself yesterday. I listened to an audiobook on joy by Christian Northrop and took a snooze. It was 100% lovely! My head got some sun and I feel like I look healthy. I like the look with my new blonde wig, named Lola. My GF and I got a great walk in the morning as well - funny how great it felt. I just wish I could muster the energy to do it daily. Yes, that is my goal. Boy, the bad days sure make the good days that much better. Just like the sunshine after a storm, or rain after a drought. Yesterday was gift to me. I'm working today - Lola is going to make her grand appearance. Hugs to each of you. I'm saying a prayer for all of you right this very minute. May Chemo Warriors ~ we CAN do this! And we WILL get through this! love you guys!
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Hi guys, boy am I way behind! I have read all of your posts but there is no way I can comment on all of them - I'm going to start from scratch today! LOL
Hope everyone is in good spirits and doing well.Have my 2nd Taxol tomorrow and not looking forward to it. I personally think it's worse than AC for me - the pain and swelling are almost unbearable!
Ugh - we can do this!!!!!!!
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Hey May Warriors. Leanna, I meant to say, I did not have steroids with A/C,)not taxol. Chemo brain I guess. Obviously others did have steroids, but as I mentioned about the taxol, my onc does not keep people on steroids, even for the taxol, so he may have a different approach to A/C too. It does bring up the issue of are they necessary. I am glad not to have struggled with more meds with the A/C. Yeah for your bike ride. I got mine out yesterday and pumped the tires. Since I was having a bad day, that was as far as I got. I love riding my bike. I feel like a kid on summer vacation! Daiva-your day in the sun sounds great. I hope you enjoy the time in SanDiego too. Take a pic of Lola. She sounds sassy. I have been trying to buy a bathing suit on line. Any ideas? Seems there are a lot on sale at Lands End. I was surprised to find Mastectomy suits there. Most on other sites are not on sale. It is tricky to know if my prothesis will fit, or even should go in the water. I will have to check with the company on that one I guess. Sacphotomom hope you are soon walking everyday, because you feel like it. As you know, it is such a spirit lifter. Day I also think that I have something to learn from all this, and I am grateful that cancer got my attention. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to take my health seriously, and to live each day, however crummy I feel, with a sense of gratitude that I am alive, and have another chance. I so look forward to life after chemo, but I also strive to remember today is the day to live, the only day we have. Thank you all for being here today.
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Aw, you guys brightened my day and it's only 8:00am! Thanks for the messages of positivity Patricia and Day! I made a speech a month ago where I actually admitted that I'm kinda glad I got cancer. It really forced me to wake up and realize what was important in life. I was so busy working that I was missing out on my family and my friends. To be honest, it wasn't until I slowed down that I even felt the lump (pretty hard to miss since it was roughly the size of a softball.) I say "was" because it has shrunk! I'm not sure of the diameters anymore, as I haven't had it measured by the onc, but my bra even fits different, so I'm smiling
Something positive to say for this stinking chemo.Daiva - I'm picturing Lola in my head and she is awesome! Have fun with her and your DH in SanDiego.
Sacphotomom - I also had that "dang, shoulda got more life insurance" conversation. In fact, I had applied just weeks before I found out! Didn't matter though, they turned me down because of Crohn's disease anyway
I guess I'll just have to be around for a long time!Summer - good luck with your treatment today!
Leanna - I'm also nervous - switching from AC to Taxotere. I had bad nausea with AC, but I know that most people don't. They have some great anti-nausea drugs like Emend (didn't work for me) which they called the Cadillac of anti-nausea. Other ones gave me migraines for a week, so I'm really looking forward to being done with it. I'm a bit fearful of the pain with Taxotere, but I'm lucky in that my counts have yet to tank so I haven't had to have the shot that keeps getting mentioned to get your white count up. The pharmacists said that the shot has a definite effect on bone pain as the white blood cells are created in your bone marrow, and the shot speeds up the production. Yuck!
Stay strong ladies! Just remember - we are someone's hero just by being here and fighting.
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LibraryJenn...if it wasn't for the bone pain which I am associating with the Nuelasta shot, I would have been feeling great...so much better then the AC ....I am hoping that my WBC stays up so I will have no more Nuelastas...and if I do I will make sure I take enough pain meds so it doesn't get away from me like it did this time....
I agree with all of you about the BC making me remember about what is important in my life...I really really have more patience with things that used to drive me crazy... I have always been one to stop and smell the roses but now I notice the leaves too...
X-raygirl...I love San Diego, you two are going to have a wonderful time there in the cool ocean breezes.
I have always notice how my attitude improves when I walk ..it was my me time when the kids were small ..it is my me time when my DH gets on my nerves.....its my me time for me...
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Hello Ladies,
Friday I was feeling so good and almost normal. I am now 2 weeks out from my final chemo. I felt so good I wanted to celebrate so DH and I picked our girls up early from camp and went to the store for supplies and I forced everyone to have banana splits for dinner. DH and even the girls were like, what? this won't be enough, do we get to eat real food after? I told them to shut up and eat their ice cream. Sheesh.
So the weekend was pretty good, but then I found out my next door neighbor who did chemo exactly 1 yr ago for pancreatic cancer just found out it has metatastisized. She is doing another round of chemo, which is basically her last hope. She is about my age with a teenaged son. I know pancreatic is way worse than BC, but then there is the woman who lives up the street who went through chemo for BC a couple of years ago. She just found out it came back in her spine. Now on oral chemo for life. Then there is the woman down the street who died from pancreatic cancer about 2 years ago. A little farther down the street is an older woman now going through chemo for BC. I live in Marin County which has the highest rate of BC in the country and no one can figure out why.
I know that we caught mine early, but just as I knew it was cancer when they did the needle biopsy, I know that some day this disease will come back and probably be the cause of my death. I can't help it. I just feel it deeply in my soul. That is why I am doing all the treatments I can now. I had a double mastectomy even though only one breast had cancer. My OncoType DX was borderline on whether chemo would be beneficial, but I did the chemo. I'm going to do rads even though I was told I wouldn't have to if I had mx (it ended up that the tumors were so close to the skin that the margins were too small to be considered safe, so rads it is). I have these f***ing tissue expanders in my chest that feel like an iron bra and are a constant reminder that I have cancer. And I think chemo affected whatever switch I used to have that told me I was full and to stop eating. Even though I am not on any meds per se (just pepcid, and sometimes ativan) I feel like I am constantly hungry. I am getting fat. I look in the mirror and I see way too much of my father's face. Bald and with jowels. Not good.
So there you have it. Ups and downs. Ups are very high and downs are quite low. Sorry to dump on you guys, but I had to get it out and I know you will understand.
Jen
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Packjen You made my laugh about the banana splits for dinner...this whole time I thought Fairfax was in LA County....your closer to me then I thought,..
Dump all you want ....has to come out somewhere ......funny I too am looking like my dad!
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packjen: I can relate to the things you're saying. This is a recurrence for me. I remember feeling the way you're describing after chemo was over the first time around. And I relate now, too. Ups and downs is right.
HUGS to us all right now.
I feel like a mutant right now. I've broken out in zits all over my body now. And yesterday food went from just tasting bland to outright beyond disgusting. I never had that happen before. And more diarrhea today. I feel so weak and have chemo brain majorly and spend most of my time sitting in a chair touching my teeth with my tongue waiting to be tired enough to nod off.
Haven't talked to onc yet. I'm hoping to feel a little better so I can carry on a conversation with her.
My dad flies in tomorrow.
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Jen, I now want banana splits for dinner! Yuummmmm
We all have ups and downs, I just keep thinking this too shall pass - it's what gets me through the tough times. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}Paxton, I'm so glad your dad is coming for a visit!
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