I am lost and don't know what to do can you help?

The_Lost_Boy

My mom was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer.  So the doctors decided to remove the lump out of her breast, when they did they also removed three of her lymph nodes to determine whether or not it has spread.  2 out of 3 came back cancerous.  She starts Chemo and Radiation on May 1st and I have no idea what to do it is as if I am lost in this world because through out my life she is the one I have depeneded on for everything due to the fact that my dad was there but he more of a shadow and a pile of empty beer cans.  And to make matters even more difficult five years ago she recieved a kidney transplant which the transplant surgeon informed her that she would be in renal failure in about 4 weeks after she starts her first treatment of the "bomb" treatment (thats what he called it something to do with the number of shots or something like that).  I am scared to deatht to think that all the medical problems she is having right now might mean the end of her and she has already been through so much (50+ surgeries since '04) and every step of the way i have been there supporting and pushing her like she has me for so long whether it was driving her to all her dialysis treatments, sleeping for weeks at a time in the hospital with her, and so not forgetting that i still had to take care of the house (including my grandma, my old sister who was physically and mentally handicapped and little brother who was only 2 or 3 yrs old at the time) and go to high school and play football . i mean because of  her i am in college and doing what i love to do.  but with this new diagnosis I do not know what do to do or say, how to react, or even where to start... all i do is close myself off from everybody smie and say i am fine it will work out but how can i make someone else believe that if i dont even believe it.  Not saying that my mom wont make because I believe that she will because she is the strongest person i know.  My main concern is i am not sure i can be the rock, that i have always been, this time... I am not sure I can stand at her side and walk with her without falling down and shattering! I am afraid that i will lose her and there is nothing i can do except sit back and see what happens... All I know is love my mom with all I have and i wear it on my chest and neck (the two tattoos i have gotten for her symbolizing the struggle she has been through so far) and I dont want to lose her anytime soon... and i need help telling her that... and how do i help her? what do i do to help?

dlb823

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mom's diagnosis.  The best advice I can give you to pass along to her is to be sure that she seeks treatment at a facility large enough to have experience treating women with her pre-existing kidney concerns.  I'll give you a list of those major cancer centers.  Hopefully, she's already at one, or near enough to one to at least get a second opinion  before starting chemo, even if she takes that opinion back to her original doctor(s).  You will find that not all doctors think alike about what type of treatment we need (the type of chemo, for example), and I think in your Mom's case, experience with her pre-existing health issues will go a long way in striking the right balance between successfully treating her breast cancer while not further harming her kidneys.

http://cancercenters.cancer.gov/cancer_centers/map-cancer-centers.html

Also, tell your Mom to come here and join in the discussions.  I truly believe you and she will find the collective knowledge and support here extremely helpful and empowering.    

I'll be praying for your Mom ~  Deanna

Grazie47

Ben,

Sending you big Mama hugs.

Put on the happy face and you are fine just for your mother, for everyone else tell them no I am not fine and could use some help.

Lots of people will offer assistance and we tend to say "thanks but no thanks" this is not the time to do that.  When offered help - scream YES PLEASE, take whatever help anyone is willing to give you.  If they don't know what to do - TELL THEM WHAT YOU NEED. 

Like help:  with meals, watching your little brother, transportation for your Mom to the Cancer Center and possibly dialysis. housecleaning, money, WHATEVER YOU NEED.

If you cook a meal, cook double the amount and freeze half for a meal another day.

Remember to take care of yourself, if you get sick you can't help anyone.

Try you best to keep up with your school work.

Involve you little brother, explain to him that he can help also, he can do some cleaning, and other age appropriate jobs around the house.  Teach him to do the laundry, vacuum, dust.   Give him lots of hugs and remind him just how much you love him and will always be there for him.

Your mother sounds like a remarkable person, she raised a wonderful son.

Come here for support, feel free to vent, ask questions and get lots of support, we are here for you and your MOM.