Brand New and Confused

kathiep

2 days before my vacation with my husband of 15 years I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  At the time they thought it was contained.  After removing my breast they found that it had moved to one lymphnoid.  I met with the oncologist last week and found out I will need chemo, Tamoxi(?) and a tri weekly injection of the Her+ drug for a year.  I just turned 40 and I have no history of cancer in my family.  I am angry! I have three children ages 15, 10 and 4.  I am constantly thinking I will get the worst news ever.  In the last three days I have had diarhea so I'm freaking out that it has moved.  As far as aggressive it is a stage 8.  I cry constantly and I really need someone to talk to.  Is there anyone who can help me?

Looneymom

 Hi Kathie,

 I have not been on this site for months just popped in for some reason.  You will get lots of hellp from this site.  I feel like I have been through hell and back but read some of the other comments they make me feel very luck.  Short story - end of this month will be my 2 year anniversary.  I had 4 surguries from May to July of 2008.  Before this I never even had a broken bone or had been hospitalized for anything but childbirth.  I am now 49, my boys are 15 and 21 and I have been married for 22 years.  Everyone is very different on how they handle things.  I read and researched about my cancer and treatment.  I had some bad mishaps and a bad oncologist.  I now have good doctors,  but my cancer is boarder line dcis that may have leaked so I really am a Stage 1 with no lymp involvment so far.  I too am a grade 3  and the most agressive cancer.  I am PR and ER neg so I cannot take hormones treatment to help.  I had 2 different hosp. tumor board look at my case because it was different than the textbook for treatment.   One Houston Cancer expert said I had the biggest mass of cancer in my breast she had ever seen in her cararee that had not gone to the lymp nodes.   I cried and cried and was scared.   I hated shots, but when I finished rads and life got a little back to normal things calm.   If you belong to a church you will have support.  I am a Christian but I really have always believed in some other new age stuff for some resoan.  But I can tell you that I am no longer scared of dying because of and experience I had.  I am not sure if I died or some expert will say it was a dream but it was during a home recovery after my 4th surgery.  It is not something I have even shared with my husband only a couple of girlfriends who won'tt think I am crazy.  I want to live and will fight to stay but there is something after death - call it heaven or what ever you like but it is peace and love only.  I have nothing to fear.  Do everything you can to show your family and children how much you love them.  There are women on this forum that are celebrating 10 years, that should not be here.  It has been two years but I have finally figured out that I don't  want to cry, kick and scream everyday.  But it takes time and support for you to get to a point where you can talk more calmly about this.   I was angry also two years ago.  You have every right to be angry.  Take that energy and do something that will help your with this cancer and your future.  Everyone copes in different ways but this forum helped me know what to pack for my double mast. what to expect afterwords.  It hellped me thru rads and now in a couple of months I will be getting my tempory expanders out and replaced with silcone implants.  All this trouble to be the same size bust before all of this happened.  You sound like you have a lovely family.  You will be around for a long time and they will be patient and impatient at times but they will love you more for being imperfect and setting an example that we are all human and it is ok to show anger and sadness.   This is the fight of your life and you will have more help than you can ever imagine.  I never stay up this late and I have not logged on here for months,  It is dark in my living room so I am not going to spell check this so excuse mishaps.  This will be one of many supportive hands to help you. Much love to you.    Holly

ibcmets

Kathi,

I know you are panicking right now.  I was diagnosed stage IV w/bone mets from the get go 6/09.  It sounds like you need to talk to someone.  There is a breast cancer group called Network of Strength.  They provide an 800 # to call.  They will put you in contact with someone who's been in your shoes.  Of course you can ask questions online to many of us that are going through breast cancer treatment, but I do feel you may want to speak with someone  to get your bearings.  My sisters are doing a breast cancer walk for this group in Chicago on Mothers Day.  Please call to talk to someone and check back with us for online support from the women here.

Network of Strength -- 1 800 221-2141

Terri

pennylane

Hey Kathi, I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time.  I remember over 4-years ago when I was dx...I was just beside myself with sadness too....It was such an awful, helpless place....I also cried all the time.  Like many of the women here I finally decided to take an anti-depressant (Lexapro for me)....Within a week my emotions were in check again and the ordeal of treatment became more doable.  I noticed that Terri gave you the same 800# I used to call.  They operate 24-hours a day and are a wonderful group of bc survivors, and will even match you up to someone who has similar stats as yours.  And don't worry about having a bad stomach now...It's a really common problem for women who have had the rug pulled out from under them...I'm just glad you have found this place.  There are so many really bright women who will guide you along thru treatment....You will gain your footing again...You will find your life again and I promise you...You will be happy again...Best wishes, P 

Susie123

Hi Kathie,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Crying is perfectly normal. My diagnosis is still fairly fresh, I got the news 3 days before Christmas. I have 2 teenage children, that I wanted to make Christmas "normal" for. Even though I tried really hard not to, I cried for days. I was so sad, then mad, and then just numb. I remember driving to work the first day back after Christmas thinking how can life be going on as normal, when it will never be normal again. It was as if I was watching my life through glass, surreal. When I heard the word "invasive" I thought my life was over. I promise you, it does get better. It's only been a few months and I have hope once again. I never thought that would happen. Breast Cancer is not the automatic death sentence that it use to be. What we go through is hard, but we find that we are stronger than we think. Please know that I'm keeping you close in prayer, and you can get through this.

((( HUGS )))

Susie