Cheating Husband Continued...

cagio1

Cheating Husband Continued...

cagio1

Hi all

Need to vent...I posted back in September about the fact that I was dx in June, surgury in July and in August, right before chemo, I found out my husband was seeing escorts, while he was still having relations with me.. I threw him out immediately (was tested for VDs), went through chemo and rads, and filed for divorce.  I have just gone back to work a few weeks ago...

Today I find out that he has been having relations with employees at his work...and there has been a big rumor mill at his work while I was going through chemo and rads.  I am so embarassed and disgusted by his behavior... What type of man does this?  He does not even give me money to support our son... he continues to be unreasonable...

 I know the important thing is my health and the fact that I beat back cancer but it is a hard pill to swallow when someone has absolutely no regard for you, especially when you need the support.

GryffinSong

I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. Hugs to you, and good riddance to bad rubbish.

suekb

I am also very sorry you are going through all of this. Remember that this is your husbands issue and probably doesn't have anything to do with you. It is similiar to Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock's husbands'. What you can control is how you react to the situation. You do not need anger and stress in your life right now. Hold your head up high and distance yourself from him as much as possible. If I were you, I would file for divorce and get child support. I have found in tough times spirituality and healthy living really can change ones perspective. A good book to read is called the Power of Now and also New Earth. I hope this helps and doesn't sound to lecturey (made that word up I think!). I just know you don't deserve this and he does not deserve you!

AnnNYC

cagio,

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this on account of HIS problems.

I just wanted to make a practical suggestion, out of my own (unfortunate!) experience: I don't know how similar NJ laws are to NY, but in NY, a man doesn't legally owe child support until the mother asks the court for child support from the father.  I would see a lawyer right now, even if you're not sure about divorce -- you are separated, a lawyer can make it a legal separation and petition for child support.  (My ex and I had made a "private" verbal agreement when he moved out, about what he would pay towards support of our son, and of course, my ex didn't pay regularly.  Three years later, when he finally asked ME for a divorce, he was not legally obliged to pay any "back" support for those three years when I had expected him to somehow come through on his promises! Grrr.... Live and learn, I guess -- trying to pass on what I learned to you!)

Hugs,

Ann

cancersuks

He is the cancer,  good for you for throwing him OUT.

nancyluvspink

I also had an uncaring, non-sympathetic spouse when I was dx in 2000.  He left me and my two boys in 2005.  In 2006, I had a recurrence.  He NEVER came and took the boys for his scheduled weekends, he just left them with me.  He would never give me a break and never asked how I was doing.  I had to do everything.  While I was going through chemo, he took me to court several times.  He is a JERK.  My divorce should be finalized by the end of this year.  It has to be.  Then, hopefully, that will be one huge problem that I can dispose of in my mind.  I am sorry that you have had such horrible problems with your spouse.  He is a creep and I hope he is out of your life now.  You will be better without him.   Nancy

Fidelia

Girls, I read all of the above and it made me sad and then angry - it is so hard to believe that people with whom one has shared everything and created new life can turn out to be such BAD people. When it comes to bad people and as long as your head is in the right space - I say fight fire with fire and get the lawyers involved - at least you can get some relief knowing that you are no longer being lied to and used and you may end up being able to salvage something for your kids!!!! IF though it is all too hard emotionally  - try and let it go and take it up decades later when you feel stronger and have time to indulge a nice bit of revenge

Fidelia

cagio1

Nancy - I cannot tell you how sorry I am about what happened and is happening to you with the JERK of a husband (hopefully ex) soon.  It saddens me to know that there are so many uncaring, unmanley men out there.  My (soon to be ex as I filed for divorce in Jan) really missed the mark.  The only thing I do to get through each day is to take moment by moment.  It is starting to work and I am starting to feel stronger.

To everyone who has replied to this, I wish you all good health and thank you again for your posts.  It is nice to know that there are people who care enough to respond to my post.

annettie

I think the heartache men cause sometimes can cause cancer. Their lies and deceit stay with you and break your heart and drain your immune system. My husband left me about 5 years ago and I've had 2 similar experiences with other men since. I feel like a fish on a stringer with men...I'm the right catch until another bigger, better catch comes along then I'm thrown back into the water. Its so heartbreaking that I know that is what has caused my cancer. I was very healthy and took good care of myself until the self-doubt came along and is literally destroying my mind and my body. I'm trying so hard to fight this. My heart goes out to all of you having to deal with these insensitive a-holes when you are struggling with this dreaded disease. I hope the best for all of you and I'm so sorry. 

Bambaloos

As if you do not have enough to deal with?????? I am glad you got rid of him and strongly suggest you talk to a Lawyer about child support.  I am so sorry you are going through this - but he does not sound like he deserves you anyway and I agree, you are better off without him. Hope all is well with everyone! Mandy

Connie07

Hey, You do NOT need a lawyer to file for child support. My DD is having to deal with all this stuff as well as move home to mom and dad with her 1 year old. I've been helping with everything and we went to our downtown Child Support Office got the papers, took 'em home and had all the accounts information, where he is, where he gets income legally and they served him within 3 days. He complied, mostly because hes scared of cops, went to the office and settled with them. She got a debit card from the CSO and then about 6 weeks total wait before she received a letter saying there were funds available on that card and how much it was. We (she) was summoned to court and we went but there was no case because he complied.

GET THE CHILD SUPPORT. It's for the child, he needs it and you need it and its a chore to go to court, but it's worth it. Unless he denies his kid, which I've heard some a holes will do, but even if he did that you can prove that he's the father and the court will take the money from him, put it in an account for you to use as you need...  you do not need a lawyer to do this.

good luck, ~C

Claire_in_Seattle

Dear NJ.....

I don't think this was cancer-related, and suspect this was going on for a very long time but that you didn't see it.  You are lucky to escape with your life. 

If you do some checking, I suspect you will find out this.....such as mutual friends who knew all along, but you didn't. 

I also suspect that the signs were there, but that you had to go through this crisis to see them and, on top of this, he showed his true colors when faced with something uncertain on your end.  So sorry you had to find out this way.

So protect yourself and move on.  One thing I will say is that try for a "fair" distribution and be willing to compromise on some things.  Because spending years fighting this will only prolong the agony.  You need to heal from both the betrayal and your illness.

The sooner you are able to do this, the more years of wonderful life you have ahead of you.

Good luck.

Kellyd0613

Hi,  I totally understand how you are feeling.  I was diagnosed in 2005 with stage IIA.  Before my last chemo treatment my husband of 22 years at the time tells me he is unhappy.  Can't deal with my thoughts of dying...blah, blah.  He moved out 2 years ago and I have since found out that while he was working at the same place I was, everyone knew he was cheating.  Probably was throughout our marriage.  Now I find out he's seeing one of my youngest sons' classmates' Moms.  She's 30, he and I are 47.  Right after he moved out he was seeing someone too.  I live in a small town and have NOW heard that everyone knew about it anyway, even though I had to find out on my own.  I makes me so angry that he would have so little respect for me.