Depressed about Recurrence

niteowl

After many mammograms, sonograms, fine needle biopsies an MRI and an ATECH Biopsy, I just learned that cancer has returned to my remaining breast. I had breast cancer in my early 40s back in 1989. At that time I had a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy.

A routine mammogrm last year revealed many suspicious things going on and I was described as having "busy breasts." The ATECH Biopsy revealed that I had one cancer that is in-situ and another that is invasive. There is also another larger mass that does not look good.  I'd had this happen a few years ago after a mammogram and a fine needle biopsy revealed that it was benign. Also, not too long ago, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

I have to have another mastectomy since it is not certain how extensive the cancer is. I was planning to have reconstruction right after the surgery, but now I'm wondering whether I should wait and take care of one thing at a time.  I also worry that all the other things going on might not be cancer and perhaps a lumpectomy would  be enough. I also had cosmetic surgery on the breast in question.

I just don't feel I have the energy to face all this.

gns

Dear Niteowl,

Just wanted you to know - we are listening.

Keep posting - this is a hard disease.

AnneW

Hey,

Sorry to hear about this. Sounds like a new primary. I've been through the same. I think I was better able to handle the second one, thanks to all I learned after the first one. But it was no less traumatic.

Get your information, and take your time deciding what to do. Good luck.

Anne

Lindissima

 Dear Niteowl,

I am sure others will come along who have been through what you're facing now, and offer some good words of advice.  I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear you  have to face this again.  Please come back and let us know how you are doing.  We are here for you. 

niteowl

Hi gns,

Thanks so much. I am so grateful that I found this website and these discussion boards.

niteowl

Hello AnneW,

Thanks for your reply. This time I just feel my life is already too complicated by this. I'd been considering doing a lot of other fun things that one looks forward to at this point in life.  Shocked at first by the diabetes dx, I kept up with my exercising once I felt stronger and made sure I did the right things to stay healthy and keep this disease under control. Then, I turn around and I'm having to deal with bc.

I need this to be over soon. At first I wanted to begin reconstruction right after surgery, but I now think it might be best to wait so that healing can be faster. Then I keep going back and forth on this. I'll keep reading and thinking, but mostly, I just worry.

The first time, I was relatively young and pretty strong and willing to fight. Now, I don't know how I'll survive this and diabetes too. Plus, I reinjured some discs in my back at work and have ben undergoing very helping PT and then began working with a chiropractor. I was beginning to feel less pain and finally on the mend. All I can vision now are setbacks and a new set of things to fight.

niteowl

Thanks for replying Lindissima,

I'll be coming here for help in dealing with this. Perhaps there are others out there with similar experiences.

Saffire

niteowl:  I had a recurrence three years ago (after thirteen years in remission ) and had a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.  Now I am scheduled for a biopsy in the recon. breast....I'm also diagnosed as pre-diabetic.  My tumor marker has been high ever since the mast. and subsequent chemo.  Yes, it's very worrying, but I have found good support here in the past and I hope you will too.

niteowl

Saffire,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to have a biopsy in the recon breast. I've never had a biopsy in my recon breast, but have had very painful mammograms. What type of recon did you have?

Saffire

Hi, niteowl:

I had a TRAM flap recon.  How about you?  I've never had a mammo in the recon breast - I found this lump myself.  My recommendation to you would be to go ahead and do an immediate recon.  That way you don't have to go through general anesthesia twice and will only have one recovery period.  

 It's awful how all this stuff keeps coming for all of us - but hang tough.  I truly believe that a positive attitude makes a huge difference. 

niteowl

Hi Saffire, My first recon was just a simple implant. I had it a year after the mastectomy.  It was ok and lasted a number of years. But then in 2004 I decided to have a Latissimus flap ( skin taken from the back), an expander put in and then an implant.

 I had lots of problems with the implant and it had to be removed. It even started coming through the skin and took forever to heal. The remaining mound looks ok in a bra, but is now a bit smaller than the other breast. The one I'm about to lose. I think all the biopsies have made it swell as well.

In my case, I would need to have not only the new mastectomy site reconstructed, but also work would have to be done to try to improve/repair the other one. A little lift would help. 

Yes, I also mulled over the one recovery period, but it could be a long one with complicationslike before. And then it was just cosmetic surgery without the worry of cancer. Now I feel I can only deal with one thing at a time. I'd need to find the right ps for the job and that will take time. And I've already decided I'll only have an implant if that is an option for me. I'd rather not move anymore skin around.

Maybe once this is over---my surgery is set for next week---I'll feel a bit better about taking on another surgery next year at a time I'm free and can just devote time and energy to that.

Right now, I don't know what else they might find or what kind of follow-up treatment I'll need. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, but I know I'm going to mourn the loss of my remaining breast.

Saffire

Hi, niteowl:

 So it seems that the (recon) problems you had were due to the implant. Maybe a different type of recon would be better for you???  I know you must feel awful at the prospect of losing the other breast.  My TRAM recon was very good (of course, it all depends on the ps) - looks and moves very natural (dressed, of course).  Even though I've gained several pounds through taking Femara there still is no visible difference in size between the breasts.

 I guess we're about the same age since you said you were in your early 40's in 1989 so I'm on the same page as you there.

 Only you can know if it is the right time to do the recon.  It might be better for you to wait until the cancer treatment is over and you don't have that hanging over you. We are all different and can only give our advice and support.

 What day is your surgery?

anniebford

niteowl,

You have alot to take into consideration. I can only say that I am opting to wait for the recon (bmx 8/08) now that I know I have a recurrance to deal with. I still want the recon, I just don't want to do it at this time. Best wishes on your decision.

Annie

niteowl

Hi Saffire,

Yes, I think the problems were due to the implant, but it mght have also been due to the ps. I will, of course want recon, but I'm fearful of doing at the same time. If I had not recently been dx with diabetes, perhaps I would not have a problem with immediate recon.

Also, I want to be healthy when I do it and not have to deal with this surgery and then recon and all the problems that could arise. I'm a teacher and summer vacation is nearing. I'd rather be focused on getting myself in shape, losing a bit of weight  I've gained, and just being the healthiest I can be

I already have one reconstructed breast, so any other recon will have to involve both. The surgery date is next Wednesday. The sentinal nodes will be done first and then I guess based on that things will proceed.

niteowl

Annie,

I just don't think I can handle it all at the same time. You had a recurrence and that must be very devastating. I did not know that one could have another cancer after a mastectomy, especially at the same site.

And yes, I still want the recon as well, but  would rather wait. My doctor seemed surprised that I did not want to have immediate recon.

The first time around( over 20 years ago) I waited a year and it was fine. Then, of, course, thigs in the body change so I had a modern recon--Latissimus flap. The LF was fine, but could not take the implant. And it took a loooog time to recover.

So for now, I'll let one surgery heal and then go on to the next. Also, I have to find a PS who can deal with my particular issues.

anniebford

niteowl,

My recurrance is on the chest wall, which is flat, so the bump was easily felt. I go in next Thurs for more chest wall/scar tissue out so there are clear margins. My ps was not at all surprised that I opted to wait on recon until I know the extent of this. I suspect that is because of my pos node stats. The DIEP is a gruelling surgery and recovery so I want to be healthy before undertaking that. One the final path report comes back, it's off to see the onc for restaging which will mean  getting some scans done, I'm sure. 

I hope you do well recovering from your Weds surgery and that the findings are good news.

Annie  

niteowl

Hi Annie,

I'm with you on wanting to be healthy before embrking on DIEP. I hope everything goes well for you next Thursday. I guess I won't know until after the surgery whether I have anything that has advanced  as far as the chest wall.

I think when one does not know the extent this disease has taken, it might be best to wait for recon.

I wonder how you manage to seem so calm about this. I want to just curl up and sleep and forget about it all. Of course, I can't, for remaining active does help with the blues.

Hope all goes well for you. Do keep writing.

niteowl

Hi Saffire,

My surgery is set for next Wednesday, April 14th. I'll have the sentinal node part first and then the major surgery that same morning. I'm supposed to be released the next day. Though I'm not so sure.

I feel re: recon, I also just want to get through this first phase. I don't know what treatment I'll need, so I've opted to wait.

It is awful to lose my one remaining breast( and erogenous zone), plus it looks quite good for my age. When I had my first mastectomy, it took weeks before I could look in the mirror at my chest. Now, I need this cancer gone. I fear the follow-up treatment more than the surgery.