punks/ radical queers? even 1 other person besides me?

kickingitsass

Funny you should mention tattoos. I was thinking about getting one a few days ago, to distract from having a grouchy high-stress week (went to get the 1-year-post mammogram on lefty. As they tightened the vice it was flashback city. Felt suddenly, unexpectedly, uncontrollably angry, hostile, depressed. Some kind of PTSD or limbic brain fight/flight reaction. It's taken two days to get over it.) Anyway, I've been thinking it's time to get another tattoo, Since getting the gridmark target dots for radiation (ugly and embarassing, as I bagged on rads after going only twice) I've wanted to cover them with something. But more importantly, I want something to mark that I've survived the last year. What symbolizes survival to you guys?

jessamine

good question...this is off the cuff but what springs to mind is any kind of plant or tree, but maybe especially crazy tough ones, like kudzu. Any kind of vine would be good to get all around to the different dots. But I don't think I'm far enough along in all this personally to be able to answer that- I'm having a hard time visualizing myself anywhere but in the middle of all this. Which, since I'm post surgery and except for the arimidex, soon tobe done with treatment, I know I need to think about but...not there yet. Would love to hear what you come up with though.

I'm sorry you're having a hard tme. I think the anniversaries are tough no matter what, but PTSD is a totally rational response to a near death experience, which really, is what we've had to process. And how can you, really, while it's still happening?  But I hope you feel better now.

about tattoos- I have been wanting to get a nasturtium tattoo ( a favorite plant)ooooh i did it! sorry it's so big though. whoops. anyway, for a long time and was thinking it would be a present to self at end of all this. That and a trip, however short, to ANYWHERE BUT HERE for a few days. God i'm sick of my apt after 6 months of chemo.

anyway in conclusion, love to hear tattoo decision- i think that's a great idea and btw I just know your mammo will be/was fine. good thoughts to you.

mlrbelle

Love the vine!  

Re the tattoo - it depends what kind of girl you are in that department. Do you like pretty or edgy, or both? I personally like a lot of the Celtic stuff (I'm mostly Scots-Irish), but I have to admit when I put something on my body, I like it to be "pretty" - I'm something of a girly girl in a lot of respects. Like a butterfly with barbs or something to put an edge on it. I haven't yet decided where I want to go with my next 2 (yes 2!).  Keep us posted on the decision!

I've promised myself I'll wait to get my tat after I've lost all my pregnancy and surgery excess baggage. I'm thinking if I get my tat of the girls and my tat on the "girl" at the same time, maybe they'll give me a better rate or something. Ya gotta try, right?

I haven't hit my anniversary yet, but I'm not looking forward to it.  Just let yourself feel whatever there is to feel - nothing is "normal" or otherwise in this mess - and you will come out on the other side that much stronger!

fionn

Hi everyone

Hope all is well. I celebrated my first anniversary buying new clothes cos i had lost 28lbs, and then i started my new job which i love and that was 4years ago. I remember feeling the same way as you all do but when you so come out the other side after all the treatment you will start to feel normal again.

Love and best wishes

kickingitsass

Jessa -  the nasturtiums will make a gorgeous tattoo! I like the idea of a vine or floral tatt, and I've seen some really beautiful ones. But I also know that plants tend not to last too long around my house (I'm gone a lot), so I don't know if that's the best symbolism for me. I'm leaning strongly toward an armband of loping coyotes, stylized. Coyotes are tough, tenacious, (wiley of course), adaptable survivors. Coyote is also the mascot of my fire crew, my brothers in arms, who have been tremendously supportive through all this. --  The six grid dots may become little flames (there's irony!) or roses or teacups or tiny helicopters, or probably I'll just fade them with white ink over the black, haven't decided yet. (They're not in good locations to become anything astounding: two dots centerline at ziphoid process and a bit below it, and two under each armpit.)

Fionn - Hey, thanks for the message of hope from a 5+ survivor!! That brought a big smile to me!

mlrbelle

Just had to add that I looked up the symbolism of the nasturtium, and it means victory and conquest - very appropriate and cool!

jessamine

oooh thanks! I didn't know that, that's great!

I love the coyotes! great symbolism for you and it will be terrific looking! I saw a coyote for the first time recently- it was great- it was pouncing and jumping playfully all over the place, completely unconcerned with me and my partner standing 25 feet away watching it play. Really cute and charming.