thread for middle age to older Christian women.
Comments
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Angie, I am sorry to hear about Clay. I had read maybe the last post while he was still alive. It is heartbreaking knowing the kids are so young. Prayers for this family.
I could use prayers for my family. As many of you know my sister and I are caregivers for my mom who has dementia. We had to increase her home health care drastically just a few weeks ago and we need wisdom and direction for future care. The maze of things to do is mind boggling.
Love,
Nancy
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Nancy, I know these days are very difficult.
My DH and I went thru all this with his late mother in the early 2000's, and I had to navigate thru a lot of stuff when my father had a massive stroke back in the 1997, leaving him totally paralyzed. It was a LOT of work coordinating care and care giving. Amazingly that was 20 years ago. My, how time flies. Dad passed in 2005. Can't believe it's been more than a dozen years already. Sadly, my DD never really got to know him well because she was only 3 when he had his terrible stroke.
DH's mom's decline was a bit slower, but she also had a stroke and we were able to have her here at home with us for a while, then back to her home, then in a senior apartment, then assisted living, then finally to a residential board and care facility a few blocks away from us. She succumbed very peacefully to a heart attack in Jan 2012.
You will indeed have your work cut out for you. Let prayer and the Lord guide you during this challenging time. Every parent has different needs. God did not use a cookie cutter on us! Do realize that there will come a time when your mother will not be able to stay safely at home by herself. You need to start doing some legwork NOW so that her future placement is not as daunting when the time does come. I'm sure there are some fine facilities out there for her. The problem is CONVINCING her that it's time to go for her own good. Round the clock home care is astronomically expensive...DH and I know that for sure. If your mother is still ambulatory and can still toilet herself, you might be able to find a reasonably priced care facility for her. The more help they need (diaper changes, hand feeding, etc.), the more expensive it becomes.
I pray for you during this time, dear friend!
Lita
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I am praying for all of you!
James went to the VA clinic the other day and I reminded him JUST before he went back to the exam room to ask the doc about his memory loss and his increased tremors - AND HE FORGOT! They don't allow spouses to go back to the exam rooms or I would have. His memory - or lack thereof - is alarming me. He's on supplements for brain health and we are exercising together, and his oxygen is good...but his memory getting worse. First I almost lost him physically (TWO heart attacks in July/open heart surgery & another for a stent) but now the concern added is his mental state. I know the Lord is sovereign and He has reasons beyond our comprehension - but I am really weary physically & mentally. I don't even pray (for me) to feel better anymore - just gave up on the cancer meds and all the supplements I had been taking. Not depressed - just weary. Could use some sisters praying along with me on all of this. Thank you!
Lita our womens group prayed for you Sunday night and the church has been lifting you up too in the Sunday mornings & Wednesday evening services.
Nancy - it's so hard to parent a parent. May the Lord make the transition that is inevitable an easy one for you and for your mom. There is an elderly couple from church who are experiencing mental & physical decline. Their 4 children live states away and aren't concerned because they don't deal with them on a daily basis as we here do. They are aware how bad their parents are getting. The wife has dementia and is getting worse, the husband refuses to get some help and he is failing and gets angry with her. James & I aren't able to help them like we used to do but we are really concerned. God bless you, Nancy for BEING concerned for YOUR mom. May the Lord provide you the answers you seek right in time.
Aurora, Nancy, Faith, Angie, Hershey, Lita, Almer & all - Keep trusting in the Lord with all your hearts. He is our hope and help in times of trouble.
Love to you all -
Ade
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Ade I'm praying for you specifically that the Lord renews your strength. I know it is hard to continue on this road but remember you are not alone. I will continue to pray for you and your DH.
Aurora
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Ade, I am praying for you and James daily. It is so hard when you are weary and feel alone. I am praying God intervenes and sends you the help you need, and peace in your daily struggles.
Nancy, I haven't forgotten to remember you and your mom in daily prayer. I understand your situation very well. My parents died 5 years ago, 4 months apart, and they went kicking and screaming into assisted living. They even moved themselves out after a couple of weeks, but had to be put back in. By then they understood the need. It was rough at first, but my dad ended up loving the social aspect. They both ended up in hospice care at the same time. My brother lived close but I was 1200 miles away. I flew there as often as I could but I was not sick at the time. I pray for your strength.
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Ade, I am fervently praying for you and James. When my Dad had open heart surgery it was so difficult for all of us. Then when he got prostate cancer and eventually mets to the bone I know how weary my mom was so I can empathize with you on how difficult this must be for you.
You may smile at this but I taught my mom how to drive so I have been in that role reversal for longer than I care to remember. When she took her driving test after I had given her the Reader's Digest cram session in driving lessons before returning to my teaching position I had scouted out the route the guy usually took the people seeking to get their license. We practiced that route MANY times. So when the day came I was nervously in the DMV as I watched the man take my mom on her drive of her life. My heart sank when they turned out of the parking lot the WRONG way that we had practiced. She did get her license anyway but I so remember that like it was yesterday. My mom lost two fingers of her dominant hand in a terrible car accident when she was nine. They thought she would lose her whole hand but thank God He had other plans. She had a terrible fear of driving...........hence not having her license till well into her adult years. She was a great piano player even with only two fingers and a thumb on her right hand. She has been a survivor for sure.
Lita, it sounds like you have been down this path I am on quite a few times. I have been spending 3-4 months living with my mom for the last six years. She is three hours away. So I have already had a lot of work cut out for me already as I was trying to keep up her house and her car. It was only until my cancer hit that I just didn't have the energy to continue doing the house work and the car maintenance and we hired some minimal caregiving. This however is a whole new chapter. I am in the process of trying to gather as much info as I can long distance before going back in a few weeks to stay with her. My sister is going to have to do some legwork hopefully before I return. She just retired in May so has the time to do this and lives in the same town as my mom. There are facilities but many do not take memory care residents and many will shoo you out once your money runs out. Neither of those options work for us. I do have a short list at this point and hopefully my sister can do the needed leg work. My Dad died in 2005 as well. He had prostate cancer that went into the bones. He was in the hospital and we knew he would probably have to go into a nursing home because my mom was just beyond worn out. His MO saw him on a Friday night and he unexpectedly died on Sunday afternoon. His MO called the house and she was shocked. The Lord took him home so that he would not have to suffer and we would not have to suffer as well. Looking back it was a blessing but of course at the time it was a shock.
We just changed my mom's plan of care a few weeks ago and I really thought that was going to work in the short term. However we have to go to more extensive plan to keep her safe.
I am fervently praying for you as well. How many rads treatments will you have? Praying for great results with no damage to the good cells.
Chris, thank you for your prayers as well. I am sorry to hear you lost both of your parents and so close together. My mom told me she would rather be dead than move from her home. However since having increased her home care she has enjoyed the company of her caregiver and that is a shock to me. So that tells me she may adjust to assisted living better than I would have ever imagined. How are you doing?
Have a good night dear sisters. I am madly doing many loads of laundry today and tonight as my washer is going to be picked up for major repair tomorrow and I won't have it until M or Tues. This is a case where buying the extended warranty will pay off.
Love,
Nancy
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Ade, I am praying along with you and for you and James. I can understand your just feeling weary. My issues are different than yours but weariness is a part of my life too.
Lita, I don't know where you get your spirit but I so admire you and the fight you are giving this cancer. You are always in my prayers.
Nancy, I'm so sorry you are dealing with even more issues with your mother. We had to put my mom in afacility for Alzheimer's, and she fought us all the way. I was so lucky to have my brother and his wife living near her and taking care of things. I'm not sure I could have managed it long distance. She was 300 miles away and I was working full time. As was said, it's hard to parent a parent.
Keeping everyone here in prayer always. May our dear Lord lift you up and carry us all through the storms of our lives.
Love and prayers,
Faith
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Praying for Ade and her DH and praying for you Nancy that the issues with the care of your mom can be smoothly resolved.
My family and I are doing well. Our subdivision is the only one with electricity in miles it is such a miracle from the Lord. We have enough food for us but the stores are almost empty. Please pray for those less blessed. They don't expect the schools to open until about the 23rd of September so my grandson is home thank God he's taking it well. My daughter's job in Naples is underwater and the office nearby is without electricity. Praise the Lord we are ok!
Will keep you posted.
Aurora
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Aurora, I can't imagine what you, your family, and your neighbors are going through. I complain when I don't have water for a few hours while they are doing condo maintenance, and I complained loudly when the city cut off our electricity for 8 hours and I couldn't climb our four flights of stairs! I shall be thankful for what I've got next time. I am praying daily for you. I have several friends affected by these storms. God bless.
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Thank you Aurora and eveyone for your prayers.
Love,
Nancy
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No More Night Hoping this powerful song will leave you rejoicing in the future that is ours.
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Thanks for sharing that video Angie. I am a retired band director and nothing can usher me into the presence of the Lord faster than anointed music. I needed to hear those words tonight. I love this song and I love David Phelps. No more pain, no more tears....................the lyrics are powerful. It has been a difficult last few days and it helped to be reminded that in heaven it will all be worth what we are going through here. I have just dealt with death this weekend when a former coworker lost her Dad suddenly. As I see my mom's downward spiral I have felt a lot of grief in that as well.
I was able to talk to a couple of assisted living facilities today for my mom and gathering facts. The financial and emotional impact of this is pretty overwhelming. It is very difficult trying to do this long distance and I am counting on my sister to visit these places before I go back in October.
The application process sounds time consuming so this will not happen overnight for sure. We need time to prepare my mom as well and I would appreciate your prayers in this regard. It is going to be an uphill battle.
Praying for all that are in treatment. Praying for situations that we need God to come in and comfort our hearts when the path looks dark and scary. Praying that we can all trust God in all of our situations. We all are on different paths with different obstacles but the one common theme is we HAVE to trust in God to get us through. I ask for peace for all of us as we charter the new and unfamiliar waters as we navigate through the deep waters.
Love,
Nancy
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Nancy, I'm so sorry for the stressful situation you are dealing with now. I am praying that things resolve easily for you and your Mom.
Aurora, praying for you and all dealing with the aftermath of the hurricanes and praying that the next one heads out to sea.
Ade, still praying for both you and James that his health improves and you can get some relief from the stress of dealing with it all.
My DH and I had a nice day yesterday as we drove to Wisconsin to watch one of our granddaughters play in a golf tournament. She's on the Oregon State golf team and we've never been able to watch her compete since all the tournaments are usually out west. It was so good to see her as it doesn't happen often since her home is in Idaho. However, we stopped for dinner on the way back home and I think I had some bad food. I've felt awful with stomach issues all day. Now, I'm trying to get ready for our trip on Sunday and I'm feeling very stressed about being sick. I'm just not a very good traveler so I would so appreciate your prayers that all goes well for us. It seems silly to ask for prayers for this when there are so many needs out there. However, I trust that God will hear all our pleas for whatever is happening in our lives.
May God hear all our prayers for your troubles.
Hugs and prayers,
Faith ( in the future).
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Faith, no need is too small or prayer request too minimal for God. I will pray you feel better for your trip.
My DH threw up all night Sunday night so maybe it is a bug that is going around? I had to watch the 2 year-old while she tried to recover yesterday. I am exhausted today! but I did ok. We walked down to the bay and she just took off to the water so I had to run after her. I let her play on the swings and slide awhile but then she threw a fit when I told her we had to go back (yes, she is very strong-willed.) I can't carry her longer that a minute so I had to just wait it out. Eventually we were able to walk back. I had to bribe her of course. Most of the time she is sweet but I think she was acting out because she knew her mom was home without her.
My motto...one hour at a time!
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Faith, praying that you will be just fine before you have to leave on Sunday. I am glad you got to see your granddaughter play in her golf tournament but sure sorry you got sick after eating. Praying you are just fine today and can concentrate on packing and having a wonderful time.
Chris, praying you do not get sick after taking care of your family that did. I am sure you have your hands full on any given day with a 2yr old in tow.
Aurora, praying that your daughter will be able to get back to her workplace soon. Praying you all have enough water, food and supplies as it sounds like those are still in high demand.
Ade, praying for you and James dear sister.
Lita, praying your rads treatment is doing it's intended job with no other damage to good cells.
Angie, Hershey, GrammySher and all those in treatments.......praying for manageable SE's and good results with treatments.
Praying for all of you.
Love,
Nancy
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I am not able to retain each individual prayer request like Nancy does but be assured I pray for all of you in this group. Our God knows.
I would like to request a special prayer for all the people in my hometown Mexico affected by the earthquake. My family members and friends are ok but so far there has been 44 death and many caught in the rubble.
Earthquakes, hurricanes, inundations, Signs of the times.
Aurora
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Yes, indeed Aurora, it certainly is. When I can't sleep because of the steroids, I pray for everyone.
L
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Thank you all for your prayers, they are most welcome and I can feel them working as I feel a little better today. Intolight, I pray you don't get sick with germs flying around the house. Take care and get some rest, taking care of a two yr old is exhausting.
Aurora, I'm sorry that earthquake was in your hometown but glad your family is safe. I think you're right, these things are a sign of the times.
Lita, you are at the top of my prayer list, I so admire your courage and spunk. Keep it up and you can get beat this beast yet.
Nancy, I'm praying some of the issues with your mother are getting resolved. I'm sure the worry and stress are awful for you.
I pray you all have a good nights sleep. It's so good for us.
Hugs and prayers,
Faith
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Hello dear sisters. My email has been down and is finally up. I depend on that for notifications from this forum.
Aurora, you and your family have been through so much. This earthquake is just so sad and scary for the people still looking for loved ones. Yes, our earth seems to be in a tailspin for sure. It feels helpless watching all of the events going on in the world and it seems like things are totally out of control. That is where our prayers are powerful. We have NO idea just how powerful they are. God is still in control no matter what things look like. These things have all been predicted in the Bible so we as Christians should not feel hopeless. That doesn't take away from the fact that so many people are suffering and we are called to do what we can. We can pray for sure.
Faith, I am glad to hear you are doing better. Praying for a fantastic trip for you and DH and that you will feel excited and really enjoy the whole experience.
Lita, how are the rads going?
Ade, you and James are covered in prayer.
I am waiting on a call from a director of a facility that has both assisted living and a memory care unit. My sister did get to visit one of the places I talked to yesterday and I think we are both not really sure what my mom's needs are going to be and whether assisted living will be enough support. I would appreciate your continued prayers for my family.
Praying for you dear sisters.
Love,
Nancy
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Finished my last whole brain rads session, and to celebrate, I had the pastor who will officiate at my memorial, when the time comes, over to go thru the program and the songs, verses, etc.
He praised me for this GIFT I have given my family, facing the task head on...so many people don't do this and just leave it up to their family, and some times they don't have a clue, which causes unnecessary stess. He wished more terminal people would do this ahead of time so they can have the service they want. I selected my hymns, old and new testament verses, order of program, etc. All I have to do is send him a decent photo, and he'll put it in a file, and when the time comes, he'll add the final day, print it, send it off to be copied, and we're done.
I have to do this because any one of my brain tumors could hemorrhage at any time, and then I'm in the arms of Jesus.
L
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Lita, only the Lord knows when He will take you and I am so glad you have had more time to get your affairs in order so that it is a bit easier on your family when the time comes.
You sound at peace and for that I am very grateful. You are a strong and brave woman showing much courage during this most difficult time.
You have nothing to fear with Jesus on your side. You are His and He is yours.
Love,
Nancy
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Amen Nancy! Lita you are such an inspiration I'm in awe. I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. His will be done.
Aurora
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Hi ladies. I don't check in as often but pray as I read daily for the requests. We had a storm of sorts here. My hubby was diagnosed with Alzheimers yesterday. I am still trying to digest this. Please keep us in prayer. Love, Jean
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Jean, I am so sorry to hear of your DH's diagnosis. This is a tsunami, and I cover you with prayers.
Lita, the peace of God is evident in your posts, and an example for all. I only pray for that kind of peace and example when it is my turn. May God surround you with family, love, and an abundant of blessings.
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Jean,
I am so sorry to hear your news. You know I will be praying for you for strength, grace, wisdom and patience. This is a lot to take in but you are strong and smart and will know what to do every step of the way with God leading you.
Love,
Nancy
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I think we all need grace and peace in our varied circumstances. I am asking for each of us to be supplied with the grace and peace that God so willingly supplies for us each day to meet our needs.
I heard this on the radio as I was running some late night errands last night. The pastor said prayer is the power that propels us on our path of need. I am sure this is a very loose translation but that is he gist of it.
God bless each of you as you travel this day hopefully with prayer propelling you into His grace and peace.
Love,
Nancy
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What God is doing in each of you is inspirational! There's much going on right now in my church family and I can't respond in length here but know you all bless me and I pray for you.
Lita, is there someone who can give us updates on you when/if you can't
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Angie M,
Another member, Kandy, created a topic just for Lita:
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...
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