Mom, Mom, Mom!

Sunflower64

hi girls,

i feel guilty saying this but when my 5 yr old daughter calls me all day long i feel like i don't have the patience for her some times.  i have to stop myself and think that i may not be here for her someday! i just think it's really hard some days especially when i'm having a bad day. most days are ok. then i think, maybe God is testing me because i felt like this before my dx and maybe he wanted me to change and realize it is important!? i don't know, but i do feel really really bad after i have those feelings. can anyone relate?

diane

somanywomen

I ranted!!...I deleted!!!...and I feel better for doing both!!

LINDAGARSIDE

I remember when my daughter was around 5 years old.  I heard her playing in her bedroom and she was holding her doll and she said to her doll (in a very cross voice) "YOU'VE BEEN BUGGIN ME ALL DAY"  and with that...she THREW the doll into the toy box.  She looked at her doll for a minute and pulled her immediately back from the box, held her in her arms and she said, "I'm sorry. Mommy is having a dad day"  With that, she rocked her baby. 

I was so mortified as she was mimicking what I was doing...it humbled me completely.  We do have these days..and they do try us...cancer or no cancer.  Hang in there...you are doing a great job.  By the way...I didn't harm my daughter too much with my cross moods as today she is a great mom with four kids of her own and runs a barber shop!  She also has the patienct of Job!  LOL.

BFidelis

Hi Diane,

I so get it.  It is so hard to be "ON" all the time, and with children that age, it seems that is what gets demanded of us.  And none of us comes close to perfection.  That said, my 2 girls are now in their early 20's are delightful and we ALL really like being together.  (Even 'double-date' at the movies with younger & her boyfriend.)  I just wanted to reinforce what Linda says about the lapses in character.  And you can think of us when many years from now she recounts a whole bunch ot wonderful things you did that are her memories of childhood.  (And you will be so surprised to find how many of them were 'no big deal' to you at the time, just "normal Mom" things.)  So don't get all weirded out with guilt.  You love her with ultimate love.  That's what matters.

Peace,

Beth

Ezscriiibe

One thing my father told me years ago when I was feeling frustrated about my parenting skills.

He said: "Shelley, trust me. Your children will grow up to be mature, responsible, contributing adults IN SPITE of what we do as parents, not BECAUSE of what we do!"

You know what? He was right!

Jaimieh

I have a 7yr old and a 5 year old now and I can relate. It is almost like you need a break. Recently I started getting out once a month and I can handle their needs so much better. ((Bighugs))

lexislove

My daughter is 4.

I can realte. My husband works 8-10 hour days, so its just me and her. It was hard dealing with her through treatment but it is more hard dealing with her while Im trying to recover emotionally. Especially doing Lupron and Tamox...my lack of hormones really wreck havoc with my emotions. I can have mood changes at the drop of a hat.

I admitt, I have no patience. There have been times that I have snapped, and I do feel guilty later. I try to explaine to her that mommy is sorry and is just having a rough day. I do the best that I can do. Thats all I can do right now. Dealing with cancer and its se's, dealing with a 4 yr old, dealing with menopause at 32 yr of age...I think I'm doing a pretty good job. PLUS...running a household,rushing to playschool and art classes....its's a lot. There is no ME time. I think that has a lot to do with it as well. No me time.

I realize(d) that this is the problem and I am looking at ways to change things. I have made plans to meet up with friends while she is in preschool. Coffee or lunch...anything. Sometimes I'll just go for a long walk to clear my head or I'll do some shopping. Some times, I just return home and do nothing. Just turn off the TV, pick up a magazine and just relax.

Edit: Then I see my gf who is 36....she has 4 kids under the age of 7! The youngest has some development issues (born very pre mature) and I say to myself..."boy you got it easy"...lol.

shadow2356

I am a single parent to a 2 year old girl so I really get it. There are hard days. There were hard days before cancer but chemo really fries you. It is hard to be patient sometimes. I am lucky that I have great friends who helped me. If I didn't have some help I couldn't have done it. I try to do great things with her when I am feeling ok. It does reduce the guilt. The fact that I might not be here to see her grow up is always in the back of my mind. I am not sure if that makes it better or worse. Good luck to you it is tough to fight cancer and raise a little one.

brunettesrule

I can relate totally.  I am a single mum (46) of a 12 yo daughter in Australia.  I am 4 weeks post-chemo and waiting exchange in August.  After surgery and chemo it was hard trying to do all the mum things, housework and trips to dancing class -  and I did lose it and got frustrated at times with her, but explained why and she understood, we even cried together.   But I must admit, when I got really sick from chemo, my daughter was a god-send, she even changed my bandages around my drains.  How many teenangers would do that!!!  She thought it was "cool" you could see inside me when the drains were removed..lol.

But if I ask her to help with the housework, she runs a mile....lol.  I don't know how I would cope if she was much younger when I was diagnoised.  I take my hat off to all you single mums who have young children.  God bless you, you can only do the best you can when you are sick and I am sure they will understand.

My family is 8 hours away, which doesn't help, but have one fantastic friend who lives around the corner, and she has dropped everything with her family when I have needed help, she is a Surgical Nurse to boot which really helpled.

When I get depressed or sick from the SE's, I always think "There is always someone that is having a harder time with life than me, starving kids in the world, homeless people etc and I am grateful for what I have, even though it is not much, and that I can beat this cancer."  It is very humbling.

janny99

I am feeling so guilty.  My daughter moved back in with her 2 year old, "to help"me through all of this....I have not yet had surgery, which is tentatively scheduled for the end of April.  I find myself getting really short tempered...not with my 2 year old grandson, but with my daughter who is 25 years old.  I have so much I want to do, but instead I find myself taking care of the little guy while my daughter sleeps on the couch, watches movies, and whines about being pregnant. I have a huge hematoma from my second biopsy which is causing me quite a bit of pain, so I think my short fuse is partly related to that.

 I really am trying to be positive, thinking that perhaps this is wonderful because I get to spend so much time with my grandson, and maybe it's just not all that important to get my spring cleaning done, and maybe my daughter just needs to be near me at this time....but, it is hard.  What I find myself craving, is peace and quiet.  So, I cry at night, cry in the shower, but try to put on a happy face (most of the time) for my daughters (all 3 of them), and love and hug on my grandson and cherish my time with him.

 So many mixed emotions right now.