Tumour Markers-Yes or No

iodine

When I declined chemo, for good reason, BTW, and with my onc's agreement, my dh was stunned! (he's a surgeon) He studdered a while and finally said "what if it returns"?  My onc and I said in unison: "treat it".

It took a while to get over the "cancer of my toenail" syndrome, where even your eyebrows look/feel like recurrance, but I never regretted my chemo choice.  Let's be clear about that.

I tried something I'd used with my clients in preparing them to go home in various stages of illness/injury: imagine the VERY worst.  Cry if you feel like it.  THEN, if the very, very worst happens, what will you DO?  Step by step,  work out a plan and project to how Will I really feel?  I did that exercise, carefully and fully.

I decided I wouldn't be so shocked with a diagnosis, for one thing.  For another, I would be Much better informed than I had been in the past and for another, I'd not have to learn a new language or the difinition of all those treatments and abbreviations.  LOL  Been there, done that, not only have the t-shirt but the mug and car magnet.

It would likely feel:  ok, I've been this road before and survived.  (maybe on wobbly legs, but at least I think I'd be standing, not lying on the ground after feeling like I'd been hit in the head by a 2x4!)  I would be months ahead of where I was  first time when  I was shocked that I'd been diagnosed.

I wonder if, in loosing my innocence about it happening to ME and about possible death, I had not done a large part of the hard, draining, exhausting WORK of diagnosis, the first time.

I cannot ans. this -- I've not been dx'd with mets or recurrance.  I am so glad that is the case and my heart goes out to all those who have.  Pls. know I'm offering no advice to anyone, really, just offerng my concept of survival and sanity.  (on some level)

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well Jen - congrats on finishing chemo.

you're done.. Huh?

we'll be filled with fear forever i guess.. every scan, every followup visit and we best cope for our peace of mind.  You know how fearful I was of this last scan.. i had so many pains suddenly.. my nodes felt hard, i knew i had liver mets.. but, i didn't.  every time that nurse has called with good news I am elated... absolutely elated. i cry and cry.

when i failed my first scan after chemo and the radiologist called and said ..'honey - are you sitting down, i was totally able to deal with that news.  I expected to go in for immediate brain surgery and start chemo again.. it was just what i had to do.  I fortunately didn't have to do the brain thing.  wheeew.  But i did do another 6 months of taxol. Lost my hair again.

i fully expect to get mets and be treated again.. and of course will be absolutely delighted if i don't.  We just have to deal.

If treatment worked for me.. and man, i was a bad case, it will work for you.

Here's to a long life free from too much worry Jen.. I bet you'll be adorable with short hair.