How Do You Learn To Trust Your Body Again

pupfoster1

How Do You Learn To Trust Your Body Again

pupfoster1

So I am in kind of a funk the last few days.  Of course I know some of it (probably a lot) is due to having round 2 of Taxol on Tuesday but this is not the first time.  I'm having a hard time knowing what to be and what not to be concerned about with my body.  I've had a lot of pain in the pelvic region off and on since this whole bc thing started (they have done a uterine biospy which came back negative) and it definitely seems like it flares up even more after chemo.  Of course then I speculate that the cancer has spread there, or somewhere else---I keep checking my lymph area where they removed them, feel a hard bump in there---doc checked it and said if felt like the area healing.  Anyway, EVERY twitch, pain, etc I am afraid it's the cancer.  I friggin HATE this.  I just want to feel "normal" again.  I don't want to be obsessed, compelled to question every little ache and pain I feel for the rest of my life. 

Does this feeling ever diminish or go away?  And or how have some of you ladies learned to deal with it??????  I want to learn how to meditate as I find my mind is my worst enemy.  I can't seem to shut it off!  Would appreciate any advice you ladies (and gentlemen) might have.

Thanks,
Sharon

lexislove

I found it really...really hard to trust my body going through treatment (chemo/rads). It was months after finishing, and a few 3 month checks under my belt, that I started to "trust" my body.

This doesnt't happen over night. It took me a good year to be honest. I still, 2.5 yrs out from diagnosis, have my moments. But they are less. And I dont freak out when I go for my checks now. Never thought I'd type that...but oh well...lol.

It really is time...You probably read that time helps with a lot dealing with diagnosis ect. But it really does.

Pure

I actually feel really good-and I AM STILL SUPER parnaoid. I can get a twinge in my back that lasts 1 sec and my thoughts go bad.  A normal person wouldn't have even noticed that little tiny tiny twinge.

I must have asked 10 people "If I feel good thats a good sign right?" Mary said to me I just need to learn to trust my body again-which makes perfect sense but doing it is a whole other story. THe more i exercise the more empowered I feel. I believe as time goes on I will trust my body more and more. Time is the great healer.

Pure

btw-I am not the mediatation type bought I bought a cd and did it and now I am addicted to it.... I also say the rosary a lot which is so calming to my mind. When I am calm I can be more realistice about pain and other issues.

You will get through this!!! Just fight through this stage and learn a way to cope.

Bugs

I think this is one of the hardest things to deal with in this whole journey.  Ignorance is bliss and before bc we trust our bodies.  Now we KNOW that we are not immune to disease and the trust is gone.  I don't think we ever really trust our bodies again...but we learn how to deal with the lack of trust. 

In time, it will get better.  I think that is the biggest thing...time.  Meditation, prayer, staying active...all things to take your mind off the fears.

pupfoster1

Thanks girls, 

I know I'm just going through a rough spot right now and that hopefully it will pass soon.  I so want my energy back to be able to work out, and work out HARD.  I loved the endorphin rush I would get during a good workout.  Now I get dizzy and light headed if I get up off the bed too fast. 

Anyway, thanks for the advice, keep it comin!  I'm open to just about anything!

Sharon

KerryMac

OK, I am 16 months from dx, and i still get jumpy all the time about my aches and pains. I am always monitoring something. I don't see it getting better yet.

diana50

Time. during treatment and for sure,...at least a year...two years...it takes awhile to begin to understand where your tender areas are. radiation pretty much injured my ribs and for at least a year and half i had issues...(4 broken ribs..not cancer..but from rads).  working out has always been a priority for me; i cycled during treatment and continue to cycle.. my body ached during arimidex.  i think as time goes on...and you begin to identify the areas where your aches and pains are...eventually they do get better..then that is part of the trust issue.  i trust that the aches and pains i have are a result of treatment..and of course "older age" and i guess i you learn to identify the parts of your body and get to know how they feel. i believe that i will KNOW if i have a tumor somewhere...like bone mets because i think it will feel different then the current pains.

your question is so good. the follow up onc appts will help you too; blood work..etc. i used to document my aches and pains...over time to keep an idea on them...and to notice if there was anything new. that seemed to help me feel a little more in control.

hang in there. finish treatment and give yourself some time to heal. even after 8 years..i still "check" my auxillary area for changes.  i think that is good monitering and nothing wrong with that. it is really is ok to be a little hperviligent around these issues.

mumito

I am almost 2 years since DX and am still finding myself checking my flat chest for lumps I guess that for many of us the lingering fear of reaccurance is always there.

Anonymous

Hi Sharon,  your question touched my heart because your words speak of all that I am feeling myself.  I know a lot of it is the Taxol, because it affected me by causing the worst fatigue and weakness and painful joints and neuropathy and I wondered when I would ever feel right again.  I am going thru this all still and feel very depressed about it also.  I've kind of isolated myself.  I've been walking every day and trying to work out and do strength training with an exercise video, but like you, I still have all the same feelings.  I am on the Arimidex now and honestly, it feels like I am still going thru chemo SE's and that has put me in a hug funk.  I find myself not wanting to socialize with anyone because they just don't get what it's like to go thru BC, so I hide. Even my own adult children.  I don't want to make this thread about me but I had to tell you I know how you feel about not trusting your body.

KerryMac

Shana - are you getting any counselling, or are you on any anti-depressant medication?? It does sound like you are depresssed, please get yourself some help. You don't have to suffer like this.

sweetnvmbr00

Sharon,try to remeber while in active treatment a lot of what you are experiencing is most likely side effects from the treatments. It has taken from May until now for my heartburn to settle down and I am being scoped in the near future because of constant low ab pain. I have no female parts so it has to be intestinal and most likely damage from chemo.

I know what you are saying though. My onc doesn't do scans after treatment unless symptoms warrant. I have been told I am my best diagnostic tool. Hmm wasn't so much the case when diagnosed! This new normal takes getting used to.

I was told something at MD Anderson that I try to follow and that is... The pain of mets will not come and go. I twill fester like a bad toothache. Pay attetnion to anything one sided, bone pain in several areas to one side of the body. 

Hope this is helpful.

Cathy