mastectomy

mom3band1g

I know many of us are facing or have already had a mastectomy.  How do you get past the fear.  Every time I think about the actual surgery and waking up so 'different' then when I went in I feel such panic.  I know I have to do this but I don't know how I'm going to do it.  I really don't think I have ever been so scared of something.  I've had 4 children all naturally and did fine.  That didn't scare me, even the first time, like this is.  I keep fantasizing about running off the table and not going through with it.  This amount of fear can't be normal can it.  Please tell me this fear lessens over time.    Hell, I'm half-way still hoping they'll call me and apologize for making such a big mistake.  We bought a used treadmill and that is good for burning off some nervous energy but I can't spend all my time on it! 

Held

I don't think I did get "past" the fear.  When they came to get me, I went into total PANIC!! I had my friend and my husband with me waiting, and that helped, but the actual "moment" was pretty bad.

 If you are not already doing so, I strongly recommend asking the doc for some anxiety medication.  It really does take the edge off.  It also helps to go talk to a professional. 

I wish like hell they will call you and tell you it is a mistake too! 

dsj

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better.  I honestly don't know how one gets past the fear of a mastectomy. I can tell you that I felt that paralyzing fear when I was waiting to have a hysterectomy. And though I know it's not the same because it doesn't change the way you look, it felt for me, at the time, that it would change me--the person or woman I was--forever.  I have never forgotten that fear, and it may be that having gone through it once is helping me not feel quite so terrified is now.  Who knows.  But I do know that I eventually I calmed down.  (Drugs helped.)  It was terrible, and it did change me, but it eventually was over.  And I came out the other side. 

  I'm sorry--I've kind of high-jacked your thread.  I just wanted to say that in my experience,  yes one does feel fear (terror) but that one gets through it.  And that eventually it's done.  And life returns to normal--not the same normal as it was before but a normal one can live with.  And you live in that normal space until the something else happens (which of course, being life, will always be the case).  

 It has been so hard to see you struggle with all this.  If the paralyzing fear continues, you might ask your doctor for something to help.  In my opinion, this is exactly the kind of situation that anti-anxiety drugs were designed for.  I hope you get really good advice from people who have had the mastectomy. 

KAR

I second the above post, I was a mess and told my obgyn and he asked if I wanted to try some anxiety meds.  I took them only when going to tests and dr offices because this was when I needed them.  Im 8mo post mx surg and I no longer need the meds but I'm so glad my dr suggested it.  I think I'm finally feeling normal (no anxiety).   Exercise is also great for anxiety.  The surgery isn't really that bad after the drains come out.  Good luck to you hope all goes great for ya, and yes life does go back to normal eventually.

sunsnow

I never got past my fear of the mastectomy, but my fear of the cancer was greater. I felt that the mastectomy gave me the best chance of avoiding what I watched my mother go through because the doctors took a wait and see approach. I'm just over six weeks past it, and I haven't regretted my decision for a second. I think waking up with the expanders already in place helped a bit. I still get very sad that any of this has happened, and I think the emotional scars will take much longer to heal than the physical. 

JAT

I agree with Held-- I had read so much and talked to so many women who had been through a mastectomy, and I saw all the pictures in my PS's office so I knew what to expect, but I still had moments of panic. Sometimes I thought,, "I'll just run away and it won't be real".  My sister came to town for my surgery-- this was a sister with whom I had fought for years but she proved to be my greatest support. She kept me laughing, telling jokes, checking out the cute doctors, etc., anything to keep my mind occupied. My husband brought his computer and dvds to the hospital (there was a big time gap between admission, mapping of the sentinel nodes, and the actual surgery).  The scariest part was the sentinel node mapping-- it just brought home to me how big of a procedure it was that I was about to have (I did a bilateral and immediate reconstruction).

 But in the end, though there was pain and the drains were gross, and I couldn't move my arm from the SNB (physical therapy helped with that), it all became managable-- you'll be surprised by how strong you really are in this situation. I went off the pain meds very quickly-- it's more discomfort than pain after the first few days.  For me, having the immediate reconstruction helped-- I woke up with "mounds" so while the scars freaked me out as did not having a nipple on one side (nipple-sparing for the prophylactic side), I didn't feel disfigured as I had imagined.

 I wish I had taken Held's advice to get some valium or xanax. I wanted to be totally in control, but getting sleep in the weeks before the surgery would have been much more productive. I did take the valium after surgery. I also  swam a lot up until the day before my surgery. I hadn't swum in years, but I wanted to get my upper body strong and it relaxed me-- swimming after the surgery (2 months post-op) also helped me regain my range of motion and strength. You'll be able to get back on the treadmill (not too intense) pretty soon after your surgery and it will help you a lot.

 It's ok to be scared, to cry, to yell. I tried to hold it in because I didn't want my little girl to see me upset, so I'd go for a drive and cry in the car- it actually helped.  Just remember, you are doing this to save your life and to bethere for those 4 kids. Feel free to PM me any time.-- Julie

Kyta

Hi mom3band1g

I had a mastectomy in Dec. I have to say I wasn't as much scared about the surgery as I was about the cancer, but I guess it all goes hand-in-hand. I found the time after diagnosis and before surgery to be the hardest past...the waiting and worrying is awful. I felt better after surgery and hope the same for you.

iHEARTu

I asked for some xanax too, my Family MD was a bit reluctant, but she did give it to me. I DO NOT think it is an unreasonable request considering the surgery you're having!! It does help you cope with the anxiety, it doesn't dissapear, but it helps you function.

I guess for me, just like above, I did a TON of research, asked ALOT of questions, and asked others who went through the same. For me my anxiety was overcome (relatively speaking) by the power of education and awareness. Make LOTS of lists for the specialists; for me that just got the terror and fears out in the open and I didn't have to 'think' or wonder about them again. This is just me though:).

My greatest advise, and this isn't probably for most people, but I unplugged my phone in the hospital...having no interruptions was divine, especially if you have little ones. Let the hospital staff take care of you and don't be afraid to ask for more pain meds:)
Good luck to you! BIG cyber (((H U G S)))
-Cathy

musiclovermom

I think that by the time I was faced with a mastectomy, I had been dealing with so many procedures for so long that it was a relief to go ahead and choose a bilateral mastectomy. I had months of stress and as soon as I made that choice a sense of peace and calmness surrounded me.

As far as the actual surgery was concerned, I was attending a local support group and the women there were a huge help in knowing I was going to be fine. So many people offered to help and gave advice that I never would have been prepared if I had not been attending group.

A lot of what they warned me about did not apply to me, like hearing horror stories about having babies! They scare the crap out of you when you hear them, but when you do it yourself, it is nothing like what you imagined!

I had 2 nights in the hospital and needed them. Then sleeping in a recliner was the best place for me, for about 5 weeks. The drains were the worst part of the whole ordeal. You will never again take for granted being able to shower with out drains!

I hope that you feel comfortable with your team of Doctors. I love my team and trust them completely. If you don't like someone, you can always change. Personalities are important because this person will be a big part of your life.

My favorite is my Plastic Surgeon - he is putting me back together and doing a fantastic job! My Breast surgeon is my next favorite, then my OBGYN and last of all is my oncologist. He is nice, but I don't see him as often so I haven't gotten that special bond with him.

You are probably still in shock right now and I was for a long time. I walked around on the brink of tears for months. I couldn't even get the words "I have breast cancer" out of my mouth. My support group was what helped me the most.

You are stronger than you know.

KorynH

Like  musiclovermom said, you are probably still shell shocked right now. I found that once I had a plan of attack, knowing what was coming next, that I was able to relax a little more, stopped crying in the night, and joining a supoprt group was s huge help. And yes, anti-anxiety medication helped for about 18 months. It was non-addictive and eventually I didn't feel I needed it.  Don't feel embarrased to ask for that help. It is very traumatic and I would say it is very normal to feel what you are feeling right now.

I would also recommend calling Network of Strength. They can pair you  (ask for a "match") with a survivor who can coach you through and you can request someone your age, your procedure, etc. so you do not feel alone. She can help you know exactly what to expect and how to cope. She can be your right hand (wo)man.  They are there 24/7 on the hotline, and it is totally free. Bring their phone number with you to the hospital. I really needed someone to talk to in the night after my husband went home and the nurses were not in my room. 1-800-221-2141 . They are there for you right now. They'll answer all your questions. They have been in your shoes. They are all survivors. They are women like you have found here but sometimes it helps just to talk face to face with someone and they are all trained counselors.

Keep reaching out. You will find a lot of strength here in those of us who have been through it. Bless you!

mom3band1g

Wow, what amazing responses you each gave.  I want to 'speak' to each of you but there are so many.  I think I may print this thread out and keep it close.  Just thank you, all of you.  All heart-felt repsonses that made me feel better...and not crazy. 

just thanks.