I need to hear some survivor stories, mamm tomorrow and panicing

mary6204

I feel like such an idiot, but I can't help it.  Tomorrow is my mammagram and I'm scared to death.  I went through chemo 2 years ago and tomorrow is just a routine mamm.  I feel great, no lumps I know of, but I can't handle tests.  I expect the worse and can't plan anything after tomorrow until I walk out of that office with good news.  Fortunately I go to a place that gives you the results right away. 

 Does anyone else go through this.  I am sick to my stomach, nervous and so stressed out it's ridiculous.  The one last summer and January 09 were fine and once I get through it, I am happy and free of stress (well mostly) and then 3 weeks before the next one, I'm in a panic again.  I can only think of the worst and I can't even imagine them saying, "everything looks good"  I can only think negative thoughts.   

Maybe if I could get a poll going of how many out there are or know of  3, 5, 8 or more years a survivor, it will help me to calm down.

Mary

Fidelia

dear Mary6204 - I soooooooooooooooo know where you are coming from!!!! I am 14 years out from original dx sadly at stageIV - possibly because I DIDN'T have chemo or any adjuvant therapy - so you are already doing something right that I did wrong - you have had the chemo which dramatically improves the prospect of no recurrence - also I find I now rely entirely on how I feel - for my sanity's sake I just cannot face tests HOWEVER - were I in your (much better shoes) I would take a Xanax - or some other quick acting shorty term anti- anxiety med and take the mammo and get the good news - which is more than likely what is going to happen for you. The anxiety is the BIG issue - you have recently had a near death experience - and chemo and no-one just throws that off - believe me I know...you are now doing ALL the right things by doing the follow ups all you need to be able to do is to get to that machine and get the all clear - if your heart is thumping through your chest as mine did when I did all those tests - take a friend and take a pill and get it done - you will be so relieved when it is all over - all the trauma you have suffered needs to be balanced by all the good news that surviving will bring - but it all takes time and for now - seriously - anti-anxiety meds smooth the way.

best of luck - this is a tough thing to do - but you have done so much already - you are tough - you CAN do it

Fidelia

ruthbru

It will be three years this month. I still am scared out of my mind when I go for tests. In fact, my blood pressure goes up even higher AFTER they say I'm OK. I don't think the fear ever goes away, not totally anyway. I think if you can put it in the back of your mind, and only worry for a couple weeks before appointments, then you are doing good! Hang in there, your feelings are NORMAL! Ruth

Makratz

I went to my breast surgeon today and wanted to puke before I left the house.  I am riddled with anxiety before all my appointments.  I think it's normal and something that will happen to us.  We just need to learn how to deal with it better.  I haven't figured out how in the past year and a half!

Best of luck to you.  I will be thinking of you. Hang in there.

mary6204

Thank you so much Fidelia, Ruth and Makraz.  Maybe I'm not so crazy after all.  Fidelia, I hope things are going well for you now.  I hated chemo, was so sick and devistated when I lost my hair, but I feel it was worth it.  If I hadn't gone through it, I would probably worry even more.  Ruth and Makraz it's good to know someone else goes through what I do and maybe the most comfort I can get is coming back here.  I did have a doctor offer me xanax, maybe it's not such a bad idea for that week or so.

Listening to others helps a lot and I think makes me stronger.  Still worried about tomorrow, but it's good to know I'm not in it alone.  Thanks, Mary

ruthbru

Let us know how it goes. Sounds like you've done all the right things, and there is no reason why you shouldn't be just fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mary6204

My mammagram was fine and I'm so relieved.  Thanks for the pep talks ladies.  Hope everything goes well with each of you and God Bless, he sure blessed me today.  Mary

Pure

great news!

blondiex46

congrats...I think it is normal for us to feel that way...

SAndy

Makratz

YAY!!!!

Mary22

I too feel anxiety with every appt. I went for my first post cancer mammo and had a meltdown in the office. I started crying, b/c that was the same room I was dx in. Everything is good, but now I have to go for breast MRI, which is just routine, since I am BRCA2+.

Mary 6204, I am glad everything went well for you today!!!

ruthbru

Whew!!! You can cross it off your 'worry' list for awhile !

suemed8749

Great news, Mary! Believe me, you're not alone in your anxiety over testing. I recently went through some pretty routine testing to get into a clinical trial, and even a simple chest x-ray sent me into near panic - I was terrified that something bad would show up.

I'm surprised our paths haven't crossed before this - time of dx and dx itself are pretty similar. Nice to meet you!

mary6204

Hi Sue, actually I do remember your name and I  appreciate anybody that panics like I do.  Glad to see someone else with HER2+ is doing well.  Thanks for the message.  Mary