How do we not out grow our friends

enjoylife

I find at times I am outgrowing my friends they put too much on them selfs and after hearing the words You have Breast Cancer" I dont sweat the small stuff they do. They complain about having to do too much and never having any time to relax well they put it all on thier selfs and they will complain about headaches backaches bad hair days I have no hair still. I am 18 months out of chemo and I worked 98 percent of the time of it and was and still am single so I was alone allot through it and it makes me impatient when I hear thier problems anyone else feel this way or is it just crazy me ha..

Maura

idaho

I totally agree with what you are saying.  Cancer changes you.  There is no getting around it. I always think.. man... if having a bad hair day or being busy were the only things I had to worry about.  It changes your perspective on EVERYTHING.  You are not crazy.. and it is ok to feel the way you are feeling.  Maybe you could join a BC support group and find some new friends that get it?   Wishing you peace and health.  Tami

Ezscriiibe

Tami, that's a wonderful idea.

I had been leery of joining a support group for a couple of reasons. The first one being that I'm just not all that comfortable "sharing" in front of a bunch of strangers. But I think that you give a very persuasive argument about why this is probably a good outlet. These are women who understand the changes that we may have gone through. And we don't have to either explain ourselves or dial back our own feelings.

kerry_lamb

Hey girls. This is a really interesting point. I whinged about the weather pretty much all my life..too hot in summer..too cold in winter. Now I SERIOUSLY love all of it..particularly the extremes because they remind me that I am alive. I have no interest in homewares or paint colors or photo-albums. I am entranced by slow sunsets, black cockatoos and sweet-smelling bush (forests). I walk the dog in the pitch dark. I don't judge people (friends) for their interests, but I feel like a strange, remote observer. (What was that "I see dead people" movie?). I haven't joined a flesh-and-blood support group because I....hmmmmm....am in denial?? Maybe..but maybe I just don't want to live in cancer-land. This site is complete. Whole. Healthy. SisterlyI'm not sure a real, live support group would do it for me. Maybe one good insider friend? xxx

NatureGrrl

Maura, I hear you! Good topic.  I listen to people complain about the littlest things and I just want to whack them upside the head   Sometimes they catch themselves and say, "Oh, that's nothing compared to what you've been through," and to avoid being really rude I say something empathic but sometimes also throw in that everything is relative, and I just can't get worked up over the small stuff.  (Although I really want to roll my eyes and say something like, "Get real, people!").

I realized a long time ago it's OK to outgrow friends... I really believe not everyone is meant to be in my life forever and as we grow, we sometimes grow differently. That's more true now than ever.  Some people will be in my life no matter how differently we grow, but some won't.  Life is too short to spend time with people who are negative or with whom I have little in common any more.

Kerry, I agree with you about the weather; I hear people complaining about it (rain, snow, cold, hot...) and now I love it all! 

I didn't go to support groups regularly until I finished treatment because I was too tired, and I still don't go often and don't share much (and I can just sit and listen if I like), but there is a connection with people who've "been there, done that" that I just can't find anywhere else... an instant bond of sorts.  It's a great network of support.  Kerry, you might find a support group whole, healthy, and sisterly as well... most of the women I've talked to don't live in their cancer... but I know what you mean about not wanting to live in cancer-land.  It's not my life.

It's good to know I'm not alone!