Newly Diagnosed and scared

Lemongrove

I am new on this site, and would really appreciate hearing from those who are/have been through what I am going through. I am 55 years old, and was diagnosed with stage 3, grade 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma just before Christmas 09 . I had a masectomy together with Lymph Node clearance on the 15th January 2010 (as the initial biopsy showed that one of the nodes had cancer). I am now waiting for the histology report, to discover how many of the Lymph nodes were infected. I will then have chemo, followed by radiation therapy, followed by hormone therapy, followed by reconstruction.  Basically, I'm just so scared, and can't stop obsessing about everything.  I'm scared I might die a horrible, painful death, and never see my kids settled down. I'm scared that I wont cope with the treatment, and that even if I do, the cancer could quickly return. I'm scared that even if I get beyond the magic five years that everyone seems to see as a benchmark, that the cancer bogeyman will always be standing behind me blighting what quality of life I do have. How will I ever get beyond this nighmare?

everyminute

I am not sure we get beyond it, we just learn to live differently.

I was diagnosed with stage 3 bc in June 08.  I am now 20 months out and doing great.  I have a cute perky haircut (that my husband never would have gone for if I hadnt of lost every single hair in chemo :-), I am strong and healthy and very very active. 

I exercise daily - between 30 mins and an hour.  I work full time.  I take care of my family and until recently my dad too (he just passed away)  Life is very normal.  It isnt the life I had before but it istn bad.

Treatment was doable - I took a few days off each treatment but worked through most of it.

MOST of us will survive this.  Remember that.

Diana63

Hi Lemongrove and welcome, you have come to the right place. I am 2 years out from diagnosis, I was dx in Oct 07. As everyminute said you may not get beyond it but you find the new you during your journey.

Its normal to have all of the fears that you have right now, some you will move passed in time but some will creep up on you much later. I am fairly new compared to a lot of other ladies on here. Some of them are 5+ years and counting. Also read the inspiration thread you will see a lot of survivors 5, 10, 15 + years. As everyminute said its doable, just keep coming here when you feel like you have lost your mind. Someone here will help find it for you Just remember to breath, this is the worst part. All of these lovely ladies can and will help you over the bumps.

diana50

hi lemongrove

you have a found a great place to talk, vent, ask questions and read about other's experiences/ the first couple of months after diagnosis....gathering all the information...talking with doctors...surgery...treatment choices...BILLS....are all very overwhelming. this is very scarey and i still remember exactly how i felt when i foung out that i had breast cancer.

the good news is there are great treatments to help you fight this disease. the hard news it that it is a process...from beginning and on and on. everyone is different in how they did this; some people like to read all they can and some people want to just leave it to the doctors.  you are living...breathing...and alive right now. try to not get into the "what if"...that is not exactly helpful. once your docs gather all the information you will have a plan of attack. one day at a time.

i was 49 when i was diagnosed. now i am 57 and looking forward to my 8th year out with no relapse. we do the Full Monty when it comes to treatment....and for me...i really believe in aggressive treatment.

there will be bumps when you don't think you can move.....and some days not so bad. rest as much as you can. take care of yourself. there are a lot of tips that all of us can offer. just ask.

(((( hugs))))

diana50

jpsgirl96

Hello Lemongrove...we always say "welcome" here, even when we know that this is a place no one would come voluntarily.  I am four years from diagnosis (merry christmas and happy new year 2005/2006!) feeling well and for the most part what you are going through now - coming to terms with the news and going through treatment - seems very distant indeed. 

This is a great place to come for information, encouragement, and a place to rant.  You will get through it all, you will get a "new" normal life again, and yes, many people do survive and thrive after stage 3. 

Hey Diana - LOVE those 8 year stories!!

FYI, since you mention all the treatment elements you are facing:

Though I did not have a mastectomy (my bc was bilateral, one IDC, one more serious ILC, but my breast surgeon was able to offer lumpectomies in both breasts), I did have "the full monty" chemo (TACX6, every third week from March to July) and 33 (also bilateral) radiation treatments, and I worked (and traveled to do it, during chemo) throughout once I got through the surgeries and recovery, so even treatment may allow you some semblance of "normal" life.  Don't know your menopause status; I was 49 and a few months at dx, and still having periods every month.  First chemo, last period, ever!  Took Tamoxifen for 5 or 6 months after radiation ended, then switched to Femara (only for women who are in menopause) - minimal side effects.

Come back often.  Thinking good thoughts for you.  Leigh 

KerryMac

Hi Lemongrove - I would just like to welcome you aboard as well. I was diagnosed in October 08, Stage 3 IDC as well.

I know the place you are at right now is a scary one - we have all been there. But I want to let you know that things do get better. You will get into treatment, and even though it is not exactly pleasant, you will get through it. It seems so daunting and overwhelming, but just take things one day at a time, and you will get through everything.  

If there is any "good" thing about being Stage 3, it is that you get the kitchen sink thrown at you - you will get the best treatment there is available. And it is good treatment - there are so many Stage 3 women posting here that are 5,6,7,8 years out - it gives you hope that you will still be here for a long time too.   

This time last year I had just started Chemo and I was losing my hair - today I am feeling healthy and strong, and leading a full life. You will again too!

Come here often, and join in the discussions. You will find the best suppoort in the world, and as scary as all this is, you will not need to go through it alone. 

ebann

Lemongrove;

It saddens me to hear one of my sisters have been struck again by cancer. It is scary to wake up and hear and face cancer. We all wish it was a dream. I am a survior of one year now. I had IBC inflammatory breast cancer. My prognosis was poor. I did chemo, MX, more chemo and rads together and was not able to have hormone therapy for I am a triple negative. I know in my heart without my faith, family, friends and women here I would of not made it through this. I waited for reconstruction as well. Very pleased with the results. I hope that you find comfort coming here. I know that we will answer your  questions to the best of our knowledge and experience. Chemo now a days is so much better than what it use to be. My mother had colon cancer when she was 35 and is in remission now and she is 64. She is a remarkable woman and her prognosis was poor. They informed her to get her things in order. I had a chance to experience that and face things that my mother did. It was very humbling. Cancer does change us but we do see our lives more valuable. Life each day to the fullest. Enjoy what you are blessed with. I thank God each day for a new day and for giving me this day. You can make this! Hang in there lemongrove. We are here for you. I am glad that you found us. Like Kerry said come on here, join the discussion boards, read the articles and join chat as well. I hope you have found a oncologist that you will be happy with. Take care and blessings to you on this joureny.

Gayleebug

Hi Lemongrove - I would just like to add my welcome and support as well.  Yes, this is VERY scary but the greatest majority of us do get hrough this and past this, including us stage IIIers.  I have found great comfort and comradery here on breastcancer.org -- as well as learned SO much.  I am only a year and a half out from my diagnosis and still undergoing reconstruction, but I have a good feeling that I will be stronger in the end.  You will find that you can ask pretty much anything and someone will answer you.

 Hugs,

Gayle

SpunkyGirl

Lemongrove,

You will have your up days and your down days, but we do a great job here encouraging each other and helping each other along.  As you can see by my bi-line, I'm over 3.5 yrs out (hate to jinx myself), and most days I feel like my old self.  Every once in a while (like this morning ), the cancer boogeyman tries to fake me out and I just come here to get shored up. 

You can do this.  We all know it, because we've done everything you are about to go through, and we're still here.  Come here, ask questions, get support. 

Hugs

Bobbie

Diana63

Kerry, I had to laugh about the kitchen sink comment. My nurse told me during my first chemo we are going to hit you with everything except the kitchen sink. On my last Taxol they we hugging me and giving me pens, I rubbed the back of my fuzzy head and they all said are you OK? I said you all lied to me, I think I felt that kitchen sink hit me in the back of the head just now. lol

wallan

Lemongrove:

   I am almost 6 years out and cancer-free. The treatments can work! And yes, at the beginning it feels and looks daunting and overwhelming and undoable. But me and others here are a testament to the fact that you can and will get thru it!

  This is a wonderful place for support, freedom to be exactly as you feel about this stupid disease! I hope you find it as comforting and enjoyable as I have. 

  We are here for you and totally totally understand!!

HUGS!

wallan

 

  

Gitane

Hi Lemongrove,  I, too, want to give you what support I can and welcome you.  Your feelings are normal.  We have those feelings, too.  That doesn't make them easier, but at least you know you are not alone.  You can see by reading here that we learn each day to live with the unknown and appreciate the life we have.  Please come here and spend time with us.  We can help each other.  HUGS!  G.

clairebear

I was diagnosed in April 2009 with Stage 3 and for the first week I could hardly breathe.  I was frozen with worry.  My onc. pulled out a piece of blank paper and drew a timeline that stretched out for 9 months.  I just about fell off the chair.  But I did every portion of the treatment I was asked to do and then some and just finished the 9 months.  Chemo, bi-lateral MX, reconstruction, radiation and just started tamox.  My hair is growing back with some nice silver chemo curls and I am going back to work in 2 weeks.  I learned that there are no shortcuts to getting through treatment, just hunker down and take it one day at a time and you will come out the other side.  Hang tough! 

-Claire 

maryannecb

We have all been terrified at some point lemongrass....and yes the fear lessens with time..today I only thought about BC once!  : )))

I hope you get your path soon and it is not too scary.

Good luck with your upcoming treatments.

lkc

Hi Lemon grove. I was dxed at age 49 with stage IIIC , 12 pos nodes, blah, blah blah.

This is the most difficult time. You need to wrap your head around    the fact that many many of us are doing great and you will too.

Come here often for suppiort and accurate info. We've all "been there"

Surround yourself with positive people only, be your own advocate and DO NOT google or seek out stats on th web of  stage IIIs, they are out of date and not reflective of current tx.

Bugs

Hi Lemongrove, I wanted to add my welcome to you.  I'm almost 4 years out and sometimes I still look over my shoulder for the cancer boogyman.  But, it isn't as often and doesn't last as long.  We are here ...and we are a great group of gals!

Bugs

karen1956

Lemongrove....next week marks 4 years since I heard the dreaded words "you have BC" I was Dx 3 months before my 50th b'day.   It is a hard journey, but doable....I worked full-time through Tx. I always say I got the blue plate special....bilat, chemo, rads, ooph and AI's.  As the other gals have said, this is a great place...sorry you had to join, but glad that you found us.  Wishing  you an easy time through Tx.

Annaanne

Lemongrove:

Glad you found this thread.  I was stage 3 after neoadjuvant chemo.  Very poor prognosis.  That was in 2005.  This spring will be 5 years and I'm very well.

Annaanne 

AnacortesGirl

Lemongrove -

Welcome. And I'm sorry about your dx.

You will get beyond the nightmare.  For me the worse part was my initial dx in July, waiting for all the scans and waiting for tx to start.  It was hell.  I had never been through so much stress in my life.  But as time moves on the results come back and you find out what you have and you can concentrate on that.  You find out what you don't have so you can let those fears go.

I'm on week 20 of my neoajuvant chemo.  I only have 7 more weekly txs to go.  I'm 51 and was working full time up till Christmas.  That was when I decided I needed to focus more on myself - emotionally I wasn't up to working anymore.  Many women are able to continue to work but I've been very happy with my decision.

I'm not sure when my double mastectomy is going to be done.  Probably right after chemo at the end of March/first of April.  Then rads.  I've already decided that I'm not going to deal with reconstruction for now.  Later - if at all.

It's one step at a time.  Focus on the treatment in front of you.  Thinking about all of it is too overwhelming.  But working it piece by piece is very doable.

Let us know what you find out on your path report.  We care.

arnie2two

Lemon...I'm about your age (a year older), and just finished my chemo and radiation and am now on hormone therapy.  My best advice is .... one step, one day at a time.  ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))