Unmarried daughter is pregnant

BooBee

I've pretty much tired of being at the bottom of the dog pile.  My 26 year old daughter (not the pregnant one) asked me to have lunch with her yesterday and informed me that she was molested when she was little by her cousin.  He was 7 years older than her. 

I thought I did all the right things raising our three children.  I stayed home with them when they were little and I always had occupations that allowed me to work from home once they were in school.  I was also molested by my grandfather when I was young so I was always hyper sensitive and careful about the kids being alone with men.  This happened right under my nose in my house.  She remembers it happening for the first time when my youngest was a baby so that made her 4 when it started and 7 when it ended.  (That would make him 11 - 14 at the time)  She was attacked in the middle of the night by a home invader when she was seven and she said he never touched her again after that.

I made a vow when I had children that what happened to me would never happen them.  I'm in total shock and my husband keeps trying to minimize it by saying that it was just a "show me yours and I'll show you mine" situation.  I want to rip his head off his shoulders and his F*@#ed up nephew.  She said he would actually hold her down and threaten to kill her if she told anyone.

I asked her why she's telling us this now.  She said that once she found out that my youngest daughter was pregnant she began having panic attacks and requested sleeping pills from our GYN.  We all see the same Dr.  He refused to give her any without a long consultation and counseling session.  Bless his heart.  He thinks that she is fearful of the same thing happening to the new baby.

I am devastated by this.  We were supposed to protect our children yet we brought this kid into our home and let this happen.  I know this had to be difficult for her to tell me because she knew that I would feel guiltily and I do. 

She has made me promise not to tell anyone so here I am venting to all of you yet again.  Thanks for listening.

ananda8

  You are welcome

BooBee

We sound like a really screwed up family.  We're not.  We are a middle class hard working, close family.  We've just had more than our fair share of crap. 

iodine

Oh, Renee, my heart goes out to your daughter, and to you for your childhood and adult pain.

I believe almost everyone here knows that there is no "idenity" for a family with problems.  The assault on your daughter and your younger daugh. pregnancy have nothing to do with "class".  Middle, lower, upper or history class.  All these things happen in every kind of family. 

I hope you and your daughter will seek counseling for women who have been assaulted.  It's actually rape, purely ,and you deserve to get treatment, both of you. 

glad you have a place to come and hope your daugh will find a support too

BooBee

Thanks Dotti

I've come to terms with the pregnancy.  I'm genuinely looking forward to the baby.  They're both responsible adults that have finished their higher education They will make great parents.  This pregnancy has brought us closer together as a family. 

It's going to take along time to get over the molestation of the other daughter.  Thank God we don't have a relationship with my husband's nephew.  I would have to kill him if I saw him again. 

ananda8

Renee,

I am so sorry to hear about you and your daughter.  I was three almost 4 when it happened to me.  The boy was around 11.  I never told my mother.  We moved a few months later so the molestation did not continue for very long.   It is difficult to explain how it affects one's life but as you know it does.

I have to believe that these young boys have also been subjected to some type of mental or physical molestation.  It is not normal for boys that young to be sexual. You may find that  your nephew is carrying a secret burden.

BooBee

Thanks notself....no one will ever understand unless they've been there.  The kids mom was pretty scewed up.  There's no telling what happened to him. 

Huggs