all done now what

nannajean

Hi

I have had the lumpectomy, the 6 rounds of chemo, and have just finished the 16 rads.  I hurt where my skin has burnt and blistered and I wonder if they got it all.  I had a 2cm tumor with 7/20 pos nodes, am HER- and pro +3 est+3 and they have started me on letrozole. My oncologist says I have a high risk cancer with a high risk recurrence (about 25%).  I wonder if I will be doing all this in another 2 years or if it will have mets in time.  My husband says we should plan a trip for next year and maybe a cruise in 2012 and I wonder if I will even be around.  How do I overcome these negative feelings and if I have a 25% chance of it coming back I also have a 75% chance of it not.  I just feel I am walking around with this big weight on my shoulders and I want to say goodbye to anything to do with Cancer and get on with my life.  Leave all thoughts of it back at the cancer clinic.  Help me if you can.

Thanks

 Nannajean

paml

Hi Nannajean,

I come to this thread occasionally, but never post. I am usually on the stage 3 thread. Just wanted to let you know that the doctors told me the same thing. I had a larger tumor( 5.5 cm)

with 2 lymph nodes involved. I think the doctors are just going by statistics because when I look at all the research, it says that all breast cancers have a 25-30% chance of recurrence. I just go and live my life and I find that I worry about cancer less each day. Go on that cruise! I just got back from one in July with my husband and we had a ball!  I find that the Femara makes me a little achy, but my hair has come back and I am feeling really great! Looking at some of the other post, I see that many woman have survived many years. We will too! Go have fun!

Anonymous

Nannajean:  I went through the same feeling as you after all was said and done.  I felt so much anxiety over "what if" and what did the future hold.  I still do at times.  In fact, anything about statistics for BC and the different stages, I totally ignore.  God doesn't know "statistics" and the doctors are only human, and can only speculate.  You'll probably be able to go down this road and look back wondering why cancer occupied so much of your thoughts.  Cheers !

Shelly

AnnieFletch

Hi Nannajean.   What you are feeling is very normal.   In time, you will find what works best for you in dealing with the fear of reoccurrence.   Reaching out to other women who have experienced BC will help you "find your way", now that you've completed your treatments.  I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with a very aggressive cancer  (grade 3, the highest rating you can have, and a 9 on the Bloom/Richardson scale, also the highest you can have).    I don't pay attention to statistics.   I have been blessed that I have been cancer free for 3 years.   Guess what I did the very next day after I finished my year's worth of treatments.   I put my little dog in my little motorhome, and I drove to Oregon (almost 800 miles from home) and spent a month camping - just my dog & I.   What an amazing experience!    We should treasure every day we have & live life to the fullest.  I find if I stay busy, I don't have time to worry.  I try to stay away from anything that's stressful for me.  I surround myself with people who are positive, upbeat, fun-loving, and supportive.     Make those cruise plans with your husband, and make every day special!

maryhogan

Hi Nanna....I read your post and sighed. It's the $64,000 question, isn't it? How can we put fear out of our minds? I had Stage I at 48. Lumpectomy and mammosite radiation. 6 years later, all's well. I'm on Arimidex. However, my older sister had Stage II when she was 48 (we were both diagosed in the same month of the year we were 48!!! Bizarre, no?). Sadly, she passed away last year at 56. At first, I had the sense that it was my destiny to follow in her footsteps. I questioned how I should live "knowing" I will have a shortened life. Finally, I asked myself, "If you won the lottery, what would you do?" Answer: 1. I'd stop worrying about money. 2. I'd do fun things with my husband. 3. I'd travel someplace I've never been. 4. I'd lavishly tip waitresses. 5. I'd only work in a job I LOVED. 6. I'd help my family members as much as I could. 7. I'd help strangers as much as I could. In short, I would live a life of fun, adventure and generosity. SO (as you might guess) I decided that's exactly how I'm going to deal with my fear of dying young...live as if I won the lottery! I refuse to worry about money...even when I don't have any. My husband and I plot out something fun to do every week, whenever we can afford it, we go someplace we've never been. Waitresses LOVE me, I love my job and help my family as much as I can. Yesterday, on the bus, I gave my seat to a traffic cop who was riding to the intersection where she would have to stand all day directing traffic. I do what I can with what I have...which is more than I thought I had! My wish for you, Nanna--and all of us survivors--is to "win the lottery" in your own life, too.