HUSBAND DOES NOT SUPPORT HIS WIFE IN NEED

beninva

I don't know where to start, this has been on my mind far too long.  It is sensitive to  me because my wife is a breast cancer survivour six years out.  But my friend wife had to move to South Carolina to help her mother who was ill. During that time she was learned she had breast cancer.  She decided to stay in South Carolina for treatment. She has had surgery and now undergoing chemo.  My friend last visit with his wife was in September 2009, he calls her maybe once a week...he does not send her any monies at all to help with meds or day to day things. He walks around has if everything is fine and if you don't say anything about her... he sure won't.  I have gotten to the point were i can't deal with him calling me and wanting to visit, my wife does not care for him anymore and wishes he would stay away!   What do I say to this man?  What would you do?   My wife and I stay in contact with his wife.....She is a very strong woman!

Ezscriiibe

Wow. That's tough. But it sounds like their relationship is much different from yours. The tip off was that the WIFE moved to South Carolina, not the FAMILY moved. I can see why she stayed in SC for the treatment as that's apparently where her support network is.

I can understand your disbelief at his behavior, though. But has the wife ever made any comments about it? This may be the way their marriage works. 

Obviously, you have every right to determine which people you will include in your circle of friends and there are many reasons, and some can even be arbitrary, why you would determine that a current friend is someone with whom you would no longer want to associate.

I think, though, that you really don't have any place to "say" anything to him. If it's just overwhelming to you and you feel you must, I would simply say, "Bill, I'm a little surprised how well your wife is doing in her recovery given how far away she is from you, her best friend in life. What is the hardest part for you, being so far away while she's dealing with this?"

Don't make it a yes-or-no question, like, don't say, "Isn't it hard to be so far away?" 

Make sure it's a question that requires him to think about a reasoned response. It will allow you to get your two-cents in, and also allow him to express what's going on inside.

Hope this helps.

beninva

I hope all is well with you, I would like to thank you for your opinion.  It gave me more of an unbiased look at this situation. I will continue to hope and pray for some sort of mutual resolve to  this delima.  May God bless you.

2timer

I agree with Ezscriiibe.  Just stay in contact with the friends wife and offer her as much support as you can.