I was Ousted Today

Anonymous

I was Ousted from a BC group list.

I started out the day feeling so down, and "unpositive" and it was downhill eversince.  I post on another BC list.  Someone said something that hit a raw nerve with me and I more or less told her to "shove it" and F%$@  You"  .  Well, five minutes later I got an email from the list moderator, ripping into me and telling me that if it happens anymore I will be removed from the group. I answered back "whatever", which in turn she sends an announcement to the group that I have been removed from the list because I told her whatever, and that comment was "uncalled for" and she will "NOT tolerate " it.  In the meantime, I and the other girl had a private email conversation, in which we both resolved it and apologized to each other, and she wants me to try and apologize to get back on the list.  Other's have emailed me and feel the same way, but I feel too down now and this list owner is a self righteous judgemental b--ch.  So this kind of set my whole frame of mind for the rest of the day.  I'm being shunned now

Bugs

Yeah, but we love you more anywayz. *smooches*.  Sorry you had an icky day..but really glad you have resolved your disagreement with the person that matters. 

We won't shun you.  Well, unless you wear white after Labor day.  Is that still a fashion rule?

mmm5

Shana

I have read your posts before and they are the farthest thing from offensive or even confrontational.

Even if you had a difference of opinion...so be it!

Think about it outside of all the stress and anxiety that go's with the subject of BC and it is actually kind of humerous. That this moderator is so on her high horse reminds me of the funny women we encounter who are so "tight" and "right" and just can't be wrong. They don't get "it" never will and they are kind of just funny with their need for control etc etc.

I laughed when I read your post, not because of you and I empathize with you, but because of how lame her response was. You are so above it!

Let-It-Be

or if you don't hold your wine glass the correct way!

Don't let it get you down, Bugs is right, you have us!!

everyminute

Not everyone can be as cool as us - just not possible.

We love you and you can whatever me anytime you want - lord knows my teenage daughters do it all the time!

Hugs to you and Plttthhhh to them!

diana50

well, maybe this will help you feel better.  i was "tossed" from a breast cancer support group during the year of my treatment.  no kidding; i am sure because i was saying exactly how i felt.  of course, ihad another breast cancer group which totally embraced me...so no problem there.  i think there are a lot of people who have a hard time dealing with other peoples "honesty" and are upset very easily.  i couldn't believe that i was tossed from a support group; of course..i WAS on decodron the night i got tossed...lol but it all worked out anyway.

you are doing great. hang in there

apple

sigh..

i'm glad to know ya.

just go back as someone else and give 'em some decadron 'ell

Gitane

Oh, Shanagirl, if we can't be real on a BC board I don't know what.....  Who hasn't blown up over something?   Frankly,  I like that you can let it out, sort of a side of you we haven't seen yet.  Sorry you are feeling down, though.  We love you and appreciate your finer points.  Come here!  Hugs.

lexislove

Looks like Im not the only person who has had problems on another board....lol.

Your good with me.

karen1956

I left another bc board (wonder if its the same one) because of the moderator....she gave me grief (and one of the co-moderators ripped into me) because she didn't like what I said....the hard part was that I thought this person was a friend....but you know, life is too short for toxic people in our lives....so I haven't gone back and I won't....someone else asked me to donate to this bc board in honor of her b'day and I would rather throw money in the trash than give this board any money....they are a clicque and since I am not a cheerleader to the moderator, I don't fit in....okay, now that I hijacked the thread, I am going to get back to the purpose of this thread and send a big (((((((((HUG)))))))) to Shana

Anonymous

Yeah I was coming to the support of a girl who was so traumtized over the loss of her breast and became triggered into a panic attach in the grocery store looking at all the pink survivor advertising and felt that the advertising industry was not sensitive to how she a women feels like an amputee, and mouning the loss of her breast and blah blah.  So I jumped in and told her that I felt that way also in the beginning and it was normal to feel such a loss.  Then the Moderater say WelI I didn;t feel that way.  I veiwed my breast as killers and was glad to get rid of them.

I told her I disagreed with that thinking , and then another girl jumped in and said to view it more as a tooth or a cataract, or a gall bladder, we'll all be missing parts when we pass. And instead of mourning over the breast you should get on with your life and be thankful you were give  a second chance to live.  Well that hit a nerve with me and I said to her next which is what got me into trouble.  "I don't need someone to explain about pink awareness in Oct.  I am not different the many other women with breast cancer that don't like all the pink hoopla in Oct.  That's my feeling, and I get the feeling this offends you and others.    You metioned that  "yes mourn the loss"  "we are not saying you shouldn't do that, but then move forward"  "and take advantage of the "second chance you've been given".............................................Whatever, .    Shove it,  and FU%#@  You

barbe1958

Ah Shanagirl....sigh. I get into trouble all the time here because I too, say what I feel and some people get rubbed the wrong way. Tone of voice is not present and people mis-interpret emotion and twist words and meanings and it just all gets jumbled up.

The fact that you and her resolved the issue shows that there is no hard feelings. Dump that site and stay with us. We love you!

Leah_S

So...........you caught he!! for not thinking like everyone else. Shana, my love, you were POLITICALLY INCORRECT!!!!!!!!!! Now, THAT'S a sin you don't want to commit.

Sigh.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for Shana who can be as politically incorrect here as she wants. And I even give her permission to wear wjhite after Labor Day.

 Leah

AnacortesGirl

Hmmm.  A support board where you can't have feelings.  Or at least you can't have the feelings that are the "right" feelings.  Hmmm.  In my pea brain way of thinking that just doesn't add up to support.  Call me crazy but I thought being supportive meant letting people express their feelings because no matter how "right" they are (politically, logically, whatever) they are what they are.  How we feel!

It is rough that we can't add tone of voice with posts and that sometimes the words in our head come out differently when we hit the keys and other people read them.  But you took the high road and got that resolved.  Sounds like a good stopping point with that "support" board.

KerryMac

Shana - I agree with everyone else. Dump them. We love you!!!

I'm sure we are much cooler anyhow.

Whatever.....

kim40

Stay with us Shana - we love you!!

tweetybird

Shana,

I hear you! I was in a "face to face" support group at a local college when I was first dx. The handfull of us were being honest and put our emotions out on our sleeves with each other during each meeting, but we all got a uneasy feeling about the moterator/social worker. She keept on telling us she knows how we all feel, but we were all wondering how, since we didn't know her history. At our last "official" meeting at the college, she was finally honest with us and told us she was a 5 year BC survivor! We thought if we knew that right off the bat, it could have been a wonderful group. That group pretty much dissolved, and that's when I found this great group of people!

Anonymous

Awwww, you guys make me feel good.  I got an email from some of the girls on the list, checking on me, and thanking me for my posts.  It is a BC email list that seems to only tolerate one way of thinking.  Be positive or get a recurrence is what they seem to convey from the list owner and moderator.  The girl I was telling you about emailed me about a newbie who posted asking if her not being positive caused her reccurance.  Here is a copy of the email eithoug identifying info:

Good Morning Barb......I wanted to send u a personal e-mail saying Thank You for sticking up for me.  It wasn't necessary, but I do agree with u.  I agree with a few of the others who posted too, this was a traumatic experience for some of us.  The rest, well, they have their opinions, but our feelings are our feelings & we own them.....nobody else but us. Keep in touch with me......I like the way u think. Hugs,  PS.....there is a lady who posted & said she has had a recurrance & was asking becuz she hasn't been all positive is that why she has had a recurrance.  I don't think it has anything to do with being positive or negative......it just happens.
:

another girl wrote this:

that you were removed from the group.  I can't begin to tell you how much I valued your opinion and your courage in expressing it.  I think we have seen, many who can relate and I feel this has been a good discussion. 

I have found from past experience that those who disagree with the prevailing attitude regarding BC are not encouraged to give their opinion and so remain silent.  I don't happen to be the silent type.  Dare I say it?  I feel that we are a silent majority who are not encouraged to express just how traumatic the treatment for BC has been for us.  I will miss you so, as it was so great getting feed back from some one with my same feelings.  Take care and I am sure I am not the only one who will miss you.

Also the girl whom I resolved the disagreement with has been so kind and emailed me to check on me.  So for the most part I really believe the list owner is the one who gives the message that everyone must think her way. 

shanagirl  (Barb)

cherneski

I was banned from here!  Remember that?  Yep, me, little ol me, could you imagine me saying something offensive?  I ended up freaking out, because I was truly in need, and the let me back right then.  I still dont think I was very offensive, just much in need. 

In any case I am glad your here.  I love what you write and love your attitude. 

BC is not for the faint at heart.  I am not all lovely dovey to it, and hate when other people are.  We could all start a ruckous over there~lol

Hugs

barbe1958

I remember you being banned, but never saw the post that did it.

I love what you say about BC not being for the faint of heart.....I also don't "blow smoke" about treatments and appointments and stuff like that. If you can type, you're a big enough girl to do what has to be done! I will offer experience, research, prayers and thoughts....

Anonymous

Cherneski,  I remember when you were banned.  But I didn't know you then.  But your are so right.  I was really in need, and I know that's why I reacted.  I still feel needy and that's why I come here and went to that list.  BC is a very isolating road to travel and though we all have our family and loved ones, it's just so important to have everyone on the list who are also dealing with BC and everything else that goes with it.

Let me tell you something Chern.  I was very attracted to your gutsy outspokeness and I admire you. and value your opinions.  I also love that you are a Jersey Girl

Shanagirl

ebarnes48

Well I can't stand PINK  infact I hate it, and so did Dianne (my sister in law) who died mar 09 from BC.  in oct everyone bombards me with pink this and pink that, I dont need reminding of BC   I have a 6 inch reminder across my chest.  but I just smile at them take the pink object and put it in a draw, because they feel they are doing something for cancer awareness.  when we did the walk of life (in rememberance of dianne) one of dianne's sisters said lets have pink T/shirts I and my partner said no because dianne hated pink, 

ps  I graduly let slip  to my friends that I hate pink  *LOL*

louanns_babe

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who is affected by the Oct Pink campaign.  I had just lost both my breast & then walked into the grocery store & seen all that Pink in the aisle, it just made me sad.  It really hit me hard what a loss I had to endured.  I have (2) 6 inch reminders & the numbness under both arms taboot to remind me of my losses.  But I don't associate all pink with breast cancer.....LOL!!  What gets me about the group ousting Shana was she was sticking up for me bcuz I said, I feel like an amputee & it is not something I want to celebrate....It is traumatic to me.  Then they oust her, & they have the nerve to say.....Oh well we should all be upbeat & positive about cancer.....BECAUSE THEY ONLY HAD A LUMPECTOMY OR JUST ONE BREAST REMOVED !!  Excuse me....how can they possibly know how I should or shouldn't feel after just having that done, when mine was both breast & both sides of lymph nodes.  To top it all off....THERE WASN'T ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE RIGHT SIDE!!  OK, I'm still angry about giving up what wasn't broke. 

OK, Shana I'm here with my little pic.....so you can see what I look like.....LOL!!

Gabrielle

Just so you know, I love anyone who says "shove it" and F%$@  You"  -- I don't really need to know the reason...you have a lifetime dispensation.   

lexislove

LOL....Gabrielle

spar2

I too have been banned and hated it. Hey Cherneski doll, I love you with all my heart.  Isn't it amazing how we became friends.

Shanagirl, so happy you are here and hope  you stay and we will accept you and love you for who you are.  Cherneski has opened my eyes a lot.  she is the best.

I would love to know which board this was so I could stay far far away. 

lexislove

Banned...been there. Not here, other site.

Can't be liked by all I guess. It's a shame.

lexislove

I agree....to many woman around at the same time , with emotions running high can be hard.

BooBee

Gabrielle...You're my new best friend.......well next to Barb.

aka12995

Who needs that anyway?  If we can't show each other a little grace during a time like this....well, let's just say I'd probably get kicked off the site as well.  We all know you have to be a little more considerate when there's allot of estrogen around.  LOL!

 I think you ROCK!  Say what you want - I'm LISTENING!

Nico1012

For you Shanagirl..............  A STANDING OVATION!!

Please stay with us, you're a breath of fresh air.

Nico