stage four and dumped

zeeka71

   I have stage four breast cancer, with mets in my spine lungs skull and pelvis hips, and shoulders. I am 0n Arimidex and Zometa, I responded to everything excellently, and I feel great.

But I am terrified, of the things to come, I cannot talk abou tmy Cancer as i do not have anything in common with others with their operations and chemo etc, Thank God for that, But I live alone,

People see nothing wrong and treat me normal, but I do have something wrong, I have advanced cancer. I don't know how to react or feel, I am scared but don;t yet know what is ahead, all discussions everywhere are about different cancers.I feel left out, lost in limbo.What do I do? When I was first diagnosed my friends and family could'nt do enough, now I look fine I have been dumped, or thats what it feels like. I need this whinge as i feel neglected and alone, zeeka

palaminoridesagain

zeeka:  I too find it difficult at times.  With my initial diagnosis friends and family surrounded me with encouragement.  It was a battle I was going to win.  When I was diagnosed with mets, initially my family and friends came to my side but things changed.  I think a big part of it is that they really don't know how we are feeling.  Maybe they are in DeNile land.  Each day has a different struggle or different worry.  Just sending some hugs your way. I have been where you are, it was hard...I'm better now.

nnn

lovemyfamilysomuch

Dear Zeeka,  you are not alone, honey.  We are with you.  Sending loving thoughts your way

zeeka71

   Thank you for your replies, it is so good to have people who know , what it is like to have Cancer, but I am surrounded by people, who treat me like it is the flue or something that will get better, If I talk about it i feel I am feeling sorry for myself, which I hate. as there are so many worse than me, but i get so down and unhappy, and i do feel alone in this. I put on a happy brave front it is easier, for them, but my nights are terrible I am afraid I am in a down day I will proberbly be fine tomorrow thanks for listening Zeeka Hugs to all and I love your hugs to me, living alone you don,t get hugs from anyone.

konakat

You are not alone in feeling like this Zeeka.  I'm alone too and crave coming home to someone, being wrapped in someone's arms, feeling safe for a while.  It's hard.  I just want a d*mn hug!!!  Sometimes I don't want to be treated as cancer girl, sometimes I want my cancer acknowledged and that it sucks.  Sometimes I want pity, other times don't dare pity me!  Can't win.

When we're doing well, look physically well, others forget that there is the constant fear of what's next.  The initial fears and concerns of being dx-ed die down, others get on with their lives.  We're stuck with this forever, others get to go on with their normal lives.  I'm jealous.  I want this to go away.

I'm just babbling here -- but I do know how you feel.  There are a lot of us that are together in our aloneness.  It's OK to feel like crap, we have every reason and right to.  But we get through to the other side.  You will too.  Sending you lots of hugs in our shared sisterhood of aloneness.

Elizabeth

xoxoxoxoxoxooooo

nancyc57405

Zeeka, lots of people avoid us when they don't know what to say. You DO have options though. For one thing, your family need to have a talk with your oncologist about where things stand with you. If not your onc, check into support groups for cancer patients/caregivers. Try ACS, Wellness Community, CancerCare, and contact the social worker at your cancer treatment facility or local hospital.

Being diagnosed with a life-limiting illness is a BIG deal, and you're not wingeing. You're expressing the normal shock, fear and anger that comes when our lives are shaken up in such a dramatic and scary way. 

Additionally, Living Beyond BC has a free book about living w/ st 4. Just e-mail or call them and ask for it. Musa Mayer also has a site w/ a discussion board for only st 4 women, as this st 4 link. You are NOT alone. There are LOTS of us living w/ st 4 disease. 

zeeka71

thankyou for your reply, It helps! when nobody answers you, it makes you feel like you have said the wrong thing.I hate this disease like we all do, and it brings out hidden emotions we really wouldn't share with anyone, not me anyway. It makes me feel so exposed and vunerable, but once I start it just pours out, to all and sundry. Now I understand some of the others desperate notes Hugs to all of you we do need them Zeeka

zeeka71

              Thankyou so much for your reply, it makes me feel so much more accepted god bless you Zeeka

zeeka71

         I thank you and all the others for your compassion, it really helps, God bless us all love and hugs zeeka

jinnypel

Dear Zeeka

You are not alone, although I may not have the same diagnoses as you we are all part of the club we never ever want to join.  Some days I can carry on believing that I'm fine.  Other days cancer rule my world.  I'm currently waiting for some test results, it's hell.  Other people say think positive, thats what I did last time, it didn't work, now I just think ... worse case scenario. 

To the outside world we look like them, but no we are not, we are fighters, we are the choosen few (thousands) who have to deal with this terrible disease called cancer.  It's like a devil on your shoulder proding you, reminding you that he's not forgotten about you.

To other people we may sound as if we are looking for attention, but it's hard if it is on our minds every day.  It's like being on death row waiting to find out if you'll get pardoned or not, for a crime you did not commit.

But one thing is for sure, we will fight this darn thing.  Even if it takes our very last breath. 

Be strong young warrior and keep your head held high.  Fight fight fight ... this is the only time when fighting is a good thing so may as well take advantage of it!!!!

Sending you my very best wishes and no you're not alone there are literally thousands upon thousands of us scattered all around the world.

Janine

blondiex46

I think at some time or another we feel alone.  Some of us have fight in us, some are depressed, some are joyful, or all of the above, at times we might forget that we have it, but it comes back quickly.  It does feel like a death sentence, to me and I can't get past it.  Yes they initially when everything was being diagnosed "they were there" but now since it is just a "pill" everyday people leave and we are stuck here to live this life whatever time we have left.  You are not alone we are here, write anytime, e-mail me if you want...Hugs, from whom, people are afraid they are going to "catch it"...You are still walking and talking, don't know how good your quality of life is, but to me that is the most important think.

Sandy

kmccraw423

Zeeka - I'm not supposed to be on this site but I just wanted to let  you know you are far from alone.  Hugs.

hope2

Zeeka, my heart goes out to you, it is awful to feel so alone in what you are going through and dealing with, sometimes people do not know what to say so they think by saying nothing they are doing right but the truth is there is no right and a smile and a listening ear is worth a lot, have you tried a support group to see if there is someone near you that is in remission with stage 4 ot even talk to a counsellor to give you ideas on how to reconnect with your friends and discuss your needs as well as theirs. i have 5 sisters and four of them have had babies in the last year, as have most of my friends and as this is off the cards for me now they and i find some conversations very difficult as our lives are moving in different directions. email is a great way of communicating and keeping them up to date on your treatment options and how you are feeling. I know it is very different but they think i should be over it by now and i think i never will get over it.

i just want to wish you well and i am sorry if my post sounded insensitive

jam5514

Hello zeeka71. I'm very happy you are responding well to the drugs. It gives me hope. My name is Joe. I am contacting you for my sister. Monday she was diagnosed with stage four metastases breast cancer. They removed the cancer in her breast but the cancer spread to her thoracic spine and pelvic bones. She is still in the hospital awaiting treatment. She feels good but has a back pain.

    My sister lives in Sydney Australia and I'm not sure if they have the same drugs they are treating you with. The doctors want to treat her with chemo and radiation therapy. The doctor also said she was terminal ( that really upset me because her 50th birthday is coming up) I did tell her she was stage four but nobody has told her she is terminal. I don't know what she or anybody else is feeling or going thru at this time but I would like some advice if you or anybody wants to help. I will be flying to her from Florida next week and i will be there with her because she is also alone.

Thank you and have a great long healthy life.

Joe

cancersuks

Joe,

I'm so sorry about your sister's diagnosis; there are many women living with met. BC; personally, I don't like doctors who use the word terminal.  When my mets came back in Dec. 09, I was told I had a chronic condition....like diabetes.  There are many treatments out there now that are working; she needs to hear that there is hope!  Please tell her about this site and that we are here for her.....

nicole1

There is a wonderful website for women with stage four breast cancer.  It is bcmets.org  You may find this to be a very comforting source while you are going through this journey.  My thoughts are with you.

Ilene

EWB

Zeeka - could have been me writing that post! I have stage 4, mets to spine. Have not have surgery, chemo or rads; went straight to Lupron, Femara and Zometa; even others w/cancer and medical people look at me with a question in their eyes/mind...but you don't really have cancer do you? ... you're cured right? you look ok, its gone now right?... well its just in the bone, its not THAT bad...

It has been three yrs and as I get further from my dx date, there are those that lose interest, and fade away; while I have met others that get it and have been helpful and supportive in a way I need, not in a way THEY believe I need. I think it must be true of any chronic illness and that is what the media is saying this is...just a chronic illness that can be managed. We all know there is some truth in that but we also know that is not the case for many of us. At least here we are not alone, there are other men and women who are living the same thing, experiencing or feeling the same way. Bottom line is the whole thing sux.