Full Circle and Freaking Out

Anonymous

Full Circle and Freaking Out

Anonymous

Today I am feeling so anxious and freaking out.  I have to call and make an appointment for my yearly mammagram shmammagram.  I feel like I've come full circle.  It was exactly this time last year that I had called my obgyn to make an appt with her because I had found the lump during Christmas.  She told me to come in on Jan 13 which is the day I was diagnosed with BC.  I have such negative feelings about going for a mammagram.  Last year they were watching my right breast for calcifications when I found the lump in my left.  Now I'm freaking out that there is a change in the right breast and they will find something else on my cancerversay.

Let-It-Be

Deep breath.  Just show up and get this appointment done.  I just did the same thing and the nerves and phantom pains arise.  It's only natural to freak out considering the news and events of the past year.  You'd be real special if you didn't feel anxious!  Again, deep breath and take courage. 

DCMom

Shanagirl- Oh my gosh I feel your fear.  I had to call this morning for my oncology follow up.  Had put it off until after the holidays, but it was at this time 2 years ago my nightmare started.  I hate it being around the holidays.  January 17 was my cancer free date so that is the one I will celebrate/reflect upon.  It's all a scary blur in my mind for dates because it was just one scare after another at that time.  You certainly aren't alone with your fear!  Wish I could say something comforting but everything I have typed and deleted has sounded trite.  We are however in this boat together and perhaps you can relax while I paddle for a while.

lexislove

Shana,

I remember my first mammogram on my healthy breast following treatment too. I was actually techniqly still in treatment because I was doing Herceptin.

It was hard, Im not going to lie. I made sure that I got to the Xray centre exactly on time my appointment so I didnt have to wait long and have my mind race. It worked because I was in in less than 5 minutes. I was even put in the same room the year before when my mammogram diagnosed me.

 But the xray tech saw my chart, new my history and was very understandable. She knew I just wanted to get things over with and be done. So she quickly did the rads and I waited 5 minutes for her to come back and say that she did not have to take any more films. She even said, Im not suppose to say anything to you...but things look fine."

I heard nothing back from them or my onc, and at my following onc appointment he said it was good.

I have since had my 2nd mammogram on the healthy breast....same room...lol. Different tech....and it was good.

Yours will be too!!!

everyminute

Ya know - I get so jealous when someone non bc'er says "Going to have my mammogram" without even a hitch.  I cant even say the word.  I hate all tests and most doctors (lol!)

 I dont get mammos - I get breast mri once a year because I had bilat mast.  But I hate those, I hate my 3 month check ups, I hate it all!!!

Gayleebug

Shana, Let-It-Be is so right.  DEEP breath.  I did the exact same thing on my one-year cancerversary this last August.  Was at work and started freaking myself out.  Ended up closing the door (thank God for a private office) and bawled my eyes out all afternoon.  It didn't help that I had just seen my onc a couple days before when I had my final Herceptin and he'd given me my stats (chances of reoccurrence), and THEN the next day my husband went away travelling for close to 2 weeks and I was alone on my birthday.  It's good to get all the negative emotions out by crying, etc., but you also need to make your appointments. 

KerryMac

I would echo everyone else - it will be horrible, the whole frickin thing stinks, but all you have to do is show up. And have a good cry afterwards. Not one part about the whole cancer thing is fun.

Anonymous

I know everyone,  I'm so not into mammagrams now, and especially being fearful of the micro calcifications.  Are they always pre cancerous?

mmm5

Shana

Microcalcifications are only malignant like approx. 20% of the time is what i was told after they found mine.

I just went in for my 6 month US and it was uneventful, I guess I am weird i worry less about recurrance in breast than I do distant recur. although I had a lump this summer and it was concerning to radiologist they repeated in 3 months and it was gone.

I just went through MRI for recurring back pain and I pretty much was immobilized all weekend with fear that it was METS could not move, just got b9 results back so I understand your fear.

But let me tell you something that the tech told me. They see so many returning BC patients for everything routine checks and checking out something odd and he said MOST of the time it comes back normal MOST.

I think we just are suffering PTSS where we think everything is going to be bad news and it really is not.

Good luck, you will be nervous and then you won't it will be over soon

Anonymous

mmm5  ~  I know what you mean.  I worry  more about distant recurrance but it seems so much more possible to me in my mind because when I found my lump and was diagnosed, I was already stage III and node positive, which made me so fearful of distant mets.

Gitane

Shanagirl,  Once we are diagnosed it is really hard to feel "safe" from BC.  The test that could find it again is just another trial we must endure.  I'm so sorry you are afraid.  I'll be holding your hand through cyber space.  

DCMom

Booking that appointment always brings me to panic and this is my second look at this post and it has brought me to tears.  The fear stinks, the wait stinks, this whole thing stinks.  Shanagirl how about we hold each others hands and gain strength in numbers.

jenn3

Shana - I'm not to the point you are, but am terrified none the less. Like DCMOM, this post brougth tears to my eyes.   I'm sending ((HUGS)) your way and know that we are all with you....................

Anonymous

DCMom ~  Thanks for your support.

Jenn3 ~ You are all gonna bring me to tears.  The support here is just too awesome.

karen1956

shanagirl....(((((HUGS))))))))))).......no mammos for me....had bilat....PS does not do MRI's....so I don't have any routine scans....still see onc every 3 months....he does physical, history and blood work.....and annual bone density.....thats enough for me!!!!

cherneski

Hugs to everyone!  I cant imagine your fear.  No mammos for me either as I too had bilat.  I will pray for you.  Please try TRY to breath.  I am right here for you as we all are. 

Much love for you, Deb