Supporting someone I love who has breast cancer

beachbum77979

Very first thing I want to do is thank everyone that make this site possible and those that contribute. Very next thing I need to do is apologize for my lack of involvement in promoting awreness of breast cancer and working to make better treatment available with the ultimate goal of a cure. I will offer in my defense that I have advocated other very worthy causes, a cure for ALS comes to mind. Fire prevention and safety comes to mind, and several others would, but now I'm on this site, and the reason this site exists is because all of us have been touched by breast cancer.

I'm Wally, and my younger sister told me a few weeks ago that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, DCIS.  She told me the words from which the acronym came. I knew something, probably not exactly correct, but lots of people have heard of carcinoma. In situ sounded pretty much like on site. She told me she was going to have a biopsy. She told me it would be done with a needle. DCIS, when I started looking it up, didn't sound all that serious. IN SITU. Get rid of it before it escapes, nothing other than remove some unwanted tissue. Next call she told me she was going to have a mastectomy. I already had a pretty good idea what this means, but it seemed a little extreme for what I thought DCIS is. IN SITU!!!

By this time, I had done some reading. I understood the different meanings of the letters in acronyms like DCIS,  the differences between ducts and lobes. In situ and invasive.

I've done quite a bit of reading since. And my Lil sis has had some treatment and proceedures since.  Mastectomy, and removal of ten of eighteen lymph nodes, the other eight had cancer, but not removed. This information is from my neice, not my sister, or her doctor. I was also told istead of DCIS, which is stage 0, stage 3. I read some more and found out stage III has the ABC sub stages. I've read what I think are most of the pages on this site concerning diagnosis and symptoms, treatment and side effects. I've also read quite a few posts in these pages.

I was going to suggest to have someone start a web page so my sister would not have to answer so many questions all day long from those of us that love her but live so far away. Turns out, her daughter, my niece, had already done that on one of the sites mentioned on this site. 

I don't ask my sister medical details. I might pester my older sister or my niece a lot. I knew it intuitavely that I should listen more than ask questions. I won't ask anyone to violate trust either. My Lil sis will tell me what she wants me to know when she wants me to know it. If I were the type to get pissy, I would be because she told my older sister more than she told me.But I am at least smart enough to understand that they are both women and that I am not. They shared a room when we were kids while I had my own, and they are the same gender. 

I'm rambling, I'm freaking out.  So I'll go back to my opening statements. Thanks and apologies.

I thank you for reading my ramblings, and I apologize for not taking up this cause before now...Wally

Labore Pro Pacem

AnnNYC

Wally, your sister is lucky to have such a caring brother.  I really appreciate your honest description of your thoughts, feelings, and efforts to learn about your sister's diagnosis.  You seem like a really thoughtful, self-aware guy -- keeping track of your own feelings, but keeping a filter on them to support your sister.  You and your family are in my thoughts.

Hugs, Ann

beachbum77979

Thanks Ann. Lil, my sister, has many people that love her a lot in her life. If you knew her, you'd love her too. It's me that is the lucky one, as well as others that know her.

Again, I appreciate this forum to express myself. I feel that I can say things here that I really can't talk about with other friends or neighbors. Everyone has things they are dealing with. But this seems overwhelming right now, and I  feel the need to vent a bit. I think it would be easier for me if I were physically closer, and I'd hitchhike the thousand miles between us. But she is already surrounded by many who love her and are helping her during her recovery from her surgery with all the day to day things. Talking to my parents and sister, niece, and others, Lil seems to be handling it better than I am. I don't want to intrude, but I'd really like to look into her eyes. Talking to her on the phone, she sounds fine. She'll say things about other situations that were difficult that she has experienced before. And she has been through hell before. But I wonder if she is just saying that to protect me. I don't know.

I guess the thing that's bothering me now is waiting. Appointment Dec.29th pathology report discussion. My thinking is why wait. If this cancer is agressive, would not it be better to fight back now? If it is not, wouldn't it be nice to know that now? 

Ann, I guess I am thoughtful. Sometimes I think too much. But I also recognise that so many are going through similar things. Ann, you help give perspective. Thank you. 

Best wihes....Wally

Labor Pro Pacem