How do you help your mother understand the reality???

momscaregiver825

First, I would like to thank everyone for their posts on this site. I come here to get answers,encouragement and understanding of what my mother is experiencing. My mom (80 yrs. old) was diagnosed in April 2007 with stage IV BC with mets in her bones, liver and spleen. She has taken chemo treatments and hormonal therapy since May 07. She is very very blessed to not have ever experienced nausea in this time period; but she has a severe case of neuropathy in both feet and legs. She developed drop foot in the left leg and has to wear a brace and use a walker.

I give my mom alot of credit because she believes she's going to be around for another year; however the reality is that she lost six pounds in a week, the pain in her legs is getting much worse. She was put on the pain patch on Monday and also taking percocet for breakthough pain.Her lastest chemo has been Gemzar which she didn't get on Wednesday because her hemoglobin was extremely low along with the weight loss. She had a MRI on Saturday to determine what was going on in her knee to cause so much pain, we found out yesterday that she has a cyst on the muscle in the knee area. The oncolgist told the orthopedic doctor, surgery is out of the question and he is considering giving my mom radiation starting in January. 

My mom is not strong enough to go thru radiation and her QOL has disminished in the past year. I would like to talk to her about what she's feeling and what I can do to make her life as comfortable as possible. Yesterday, she mentioned that she forgot to ask for a refill on the percocet and that I would have to pick up the script today. I had just filled a script on the 5th and couldn't believe she was down to two pills. When we ask her everyday how she is feeling and her answer is always fine. When I questioned her about the medicine, she finally admitted that she has been in alot of pain THIS week, which means the pain patch and percocet aren't strong enough for the pain.

Thanks for listening and offering me any advice on how to stand in the midst of my reality.

pip57

My daughter died of cancer when she was only 17.  I remember her being so calm about her fate, telling me what she wanted to be buried in, who to give her treasures to, etc.  Then she would start talking about when she went to university or got married.  I was confused by this and didn't quite know how to respond.  So I spoke to her social worker at Sick Kids about it.

She told me that this is very normal.  That even when we know our destiny, hope is, and should be part of our thinking.  I was told to just follow her lead.  If she spoke about the future with hope, don't take that from her.  It really did help to approach it that way. And later on when I did hospice care, that was the way I handled those situations.

Re the pain: Remember that her perspective is very different from yours.  She is just doing what she needs to.  She is not dissecting it and examining it like you are.   I would just let her doctors know what the pain situation is and ask them to address it.  Perhaps she should be on a morphine pain pump.  It directly delivers the meds constantly and the machine just fits in your pocket.  We found it was wonderful for our daughter.  

Hugs