First Christmas Without Mom :(

ddoyle

First Christmas Without Mom

ddoyle

Okay so I've made it four months now without my mommy.  Now it's Christmas and I'm starting to feel the pain of my big loss, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.  Any suggestions from anyone.  Those who don't know me, my mom passed away from breast cancer July 16th, 2009 at 2:30am on a Thursday.  She never fought to save her life because she didn't believe in doctors until the very end when time ran out.   She was told May 5th,2008 that she had cancer by the 15th she was put into hospice.  My mom was in hospice for a year and a half before she passed away.  This site and the people on it helped me so much during the few days she was at the hospice house, and I want to say thank you to all of them from the bottom of my heart.  The long nights of no sleep and pain you guys helped pull me through.  But now I need you guys again, what to do I miss her so much and now I'm suppose to enjoy Christmas without her how???

Sparrow

Ddoyle, I feel for you so much!  My mom has stage IV BC with mets.  This may be her last Christmas.  I am not going to fly out to CA for the holidays but I'm planning to see her in January.  My family will all be there this Xmas and there's just no place for me to sleep.   I'd rather have some quality time, with just her and me anyway.

Don't try to do too much.  Rely on your friends and don't feel like you have to put on a happy face if you don't feel like it.  You need to process this and find some peace with it.  Everyone has a different schedule for that.

I'm sending you love and hugs!  The loss of a mother is unlike anything else but you and I will get through it somehow.  XOXO-  Tamara 

sbmolee

So sorry  - this is so tough.  I can't say you will or that anyone should expect you to enjoy Christmas especially this first year.  When my dad past away - each milestone was so tough!!  First Christmas, first Father's Day, first Dad's birthday, first anniversary of his dx, first anniversary of his death...All were difficult.  What I found helps is to allow yourself time on each of these milestones (and everyday!) to spend 30 minutes feeling sad, tearful,etc.  THEN remember all the good stuff - force yourself to spend time remembering all the good memories, times and happy things.  When the sadness creeps up during the day - force it back and say during my next 30 minutes pitty session)   It doesget easier over the years but that missing part of your heart will always ache.  I kept some of my Dad's kitchen dishes and utinsels and everytime I use them - I get sad for a minute then make myself remember his using them or what he made or his favorite dishes.  It makes me smile a sad smile but keeps his memory alive.  Big hugs as I write this with tears in my eyes (and my Dad has been gone for 7 years and I miss him so much)   One foot in front of the other when it gets hard.

Jadai

My mom died on July 9th from IBC and Christmas was her favorite.  I have been crying for two days.  You deal with it the best you can and next year it will be a bit easier and the year after that easier and so on.  My heart aches for my mom and there were so many things I missed having and doing today and I am sure you felt that same sad void.  I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for both of us. 

loulou78

just thought i would let you know i feel your pain so much i lost my mam to this awful disease on 7th Oct 2009 after 4 years of battlinging the disease took her from us - it is the hardest thing i have ever done and am likely too dealing with all these emotions over this 'holiday' time has been agonising - I have managed by just dealing with each day at a time and trying to get some happiness from the kids(the youngest of whom i had 7 days after my mam passed 1 hour before the funeral was due (i couldnt make anyway as now live in canada and she is UK) and when i felt it all too much i went in the a room and cried it all out - it took me a few months to be able to get it all out but it doesnt do any good at all bottled up as i found out

I really hope that you managed to get through the days with a degree of normality and my thoughts are with you xx