New to Group, Flat with Dog Ears and Depressed

streetangel

I've posted my story, but I thought that maybe a thread would focus on my specific issues (is that selfish)? :-)

GML

No, it's not selfish   You've had a really crappy time of it lately.  I had a right sided mastectomy in September of 09 and don't intend on getting reconstruction.  I want to have the other breast removed prophylactically when I am done with chemo.  My partner wants me to have the other removed as she wants me around as long as possible (she is a glutton for punishment:)

You know, when heterosexual people have asked me about why I'm attracted to women...I have always emphasized the emotional connection along with the physical attraction.  Besides, there is so much more to woman than our breasts and there are so many other areas of a woman's body that are sensual.  I am not bothered by my mastectomy so far.  Don't get me wrong, I liked my breast but I would have liked it more if it wasn't trying to kill me.  I don't think I'm in denial, it just doesn't seem like a huge deal to me.  Wearing the prosthetic device sucks and for me it's easier not to wear it at all.  I've always been "flat":)  

Don't underestimate the impact of the affair on how you are feeling about yourself right now.  Nothing made me look at myself more than when my former partner had an affair.  I questioned my appearance, personality, everything.  And hell, that was WAY before breast cancer.  And angry?  Was I angry.  But that healed too.

I am currently going through chemo and it has been the absolute hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life (and I have not lived a charmed life).  You got through that already.  You already are a survivor.  You will survive this too.   Hang in there......

GML

streetangel

Hi GML,

 Thanks so much, and while your going through Chemo just remember to treat yourself as much as possible. Hot bubble baths were something that I grew to love! Dim the lights and put in some Enya and close your eyes! Its certainly a rough ride, no sugar coating - but - you sound very strong and you will endure! I myself said give me the dose dense every other week to get this crap done and out of the way! And your hair will come back really quick, at least I think mine did but then again I have had short hair for a very long time before I lost it. Personally, I just didn't look in the mirror but LOVED when I could get out of the shower, put a bandana on and go. No messing around with the hair. I actually had people tell me they liked my hair short like it was when it just started coming in, go figure....

I don't mean to sound bitter or to bring anybody down while they are in the middle of things and I guess thats why we all try to stay so positive for each other, but honetly sometimes things just suck, then we move on and we survive and we look back I suppose. I'm meeting some wonderful people here, and thank you for your words of encouragement as you go through chemo! Feel free to PM me whenever you want, and make sure to eat lots of honey! 

streetangel

So, laying here in the bed saying "get up, get up", have to get bills written and cards out in the mail, go to Home Depot but just can't get going or motivated.

baywatcher

You need to try to make yourself get up and write the bills, get the cards sent and go to HD. Once you get going, you get your mind off of all the other crap for a little bit. Not saying the crap won't come back but if you can push it aside for an hour or so, it makes a better day. Sending you hugs and support from Key West.

streetangel

Happy to say I got the bills all out, which was a big load off my mind. Baby Steps, tomorrow HD and cards - can't seem to do to much in a given day, thanks for the push :-)

dee1961