Too Young To Lose My Mum

Gracie87

This is my first post so I'm sorry if it goes on a bit... Just need to get it out: 

I am 22. I am a uni student and live with my fiance (we got engaged in Feb) 

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in March last year.

She was misdiagnosed and should have been diagnosed about a year and a half earlier.

She had a mastectomy and her lymph nodes removed from her left side.

Mum had 12 weeks of chemo, followed by 12 weeks of a different chemo, and completed her last session of radiation on christmas eve last year.

At the start of August his year, mum and dad began their 3 month holiday in Europe and mum got to spend her 60th birthday in France.

Half way through September, mum and dad were in Italy when mum developed phneumonia. She ended up having to go into hospital and on October 31st, after delaying their flights home and getting an Australian nurse to fly over and be on the flight home with them, mum FINALLY returned home to Melbourne, only be transported by ambulance straight to hospital.

I had been so worried about mum but thought that once we got her home, everything would be alright... HOW WRONG I WAS!

Mum is now in her 2nd cycle of chemo, after cancer was found all through her bones and in her liver. Initially they thought it would be all through her lungs but the tests have all come up normal (although her oncologist isn't convinced her lungs are clear).

Mum has come out of hospital twice now, only to go back in a few days later.

The oncologist says her bloods keep improving but we have just decided to bring my wedding forward, from November next year, to April.

The thought that there's a possibility that my mum won't be here this time next year.. It's just too much!

I don't want to do anyhing without my mum! I don't want to get married.. I don't want to fiinish my teaching degree and become a teacher... I don't want to have children!

I just want to curl up and sleep forever...

glostagirl

Dear Gracie,

I am so sorry about what is happening with your mum.  I'm a mother and a 2 time cancer survivor and as a mother I can honestly tell you that you must, no matter what happens, be strong for your mum, don't give up!!!!!   My child is only 11, but it would deeply sadden me if he gave up on life if I lost my life.  As mothers, that is our biggest fear.

I want my son to be happy, go to university, to marry and have children, travel, etc.... I cannot imagine his life otherwise.  The desire to see him grow up and accomplish all these things gives me the will to move forward.  

Your mum is so lucky to have such a remarkable, caring daughter.  Live your life to honor your mum's life, not her illness or untimely death, should the unforeseeable happen.

My heart goes out to you and your family, remember Lance Armstrong and his motto:  

LIVE STRONG   

Gracie87

Thank you glostagirl

I've been searching the internet for all the info i can get but unfortunately learned that "treatable" means something very different to "curable"!

Your message of hope came in at just the right time! As it turns out I may be able to return the favour...

My brother actually had a brain tumor when he was 2. Mum and dad were told that there was no was he would survive... HE IS NOW 29! He has had a few minor health issues and a scare which had his thiroids removed but if you met him you'd never know!

It's not breast cancer, but it is something I need to constantly remind myself to help me through this.

You sound just like my mum! The day she got back from Italy, looking like it would be her last, she said that she didn't want our lives to be disrupted if anything happened.

I will definitely complete my studies for her, but don't know how i'm going to get through next year... I will be doing 1.5 times the normal workload, as i am catching up from the subjects i dropped when mum first got sick. Plus all the stress with mum PLUS planning a wedding in 4 months.

I have been thinking about deferring but dad said that it would make mum upset

NancyD

I know how hard it is to lose your mom when you have so many plans you want to share with her...and so many things you want her to be there for. My mom died almost 18 years ago, and there are times I still almost pick up the phone to call her when something happens that I know she'd love to hear about.

But there is a saying...Life goes on. And truly, the circle of life is that we continue to live and have fruitful and productive lives even after our parents have died. That's why they had us!

Honor your mother by living your life joyfully. She will ALWAYS be with you, no matter what the outcome of her treatment.

Gracie87

Thanks NancyD

You're right about her always being with me. I think I need to start thinking about things I can do to ensure she still makes an impact on my children, when i eventually have them.

We weren't going to but I think maybe I'll get a videographer for the wedding so that one day I can show my kids how wonderful their grandma is.

I think I just can't believe how much i've been thrown into "grown-up-hood"... I thought I had bought a house and was getting married young... I thought it would be decades before I had to start fearing the death of a parent.

I just can't believe how much pain I am in... Nothing else even compares!

glostagirl

You're sounding calmer already, we're so happy to help.

As I said before, your mum is so lucky to have you.  I hope you realize that the most important impact she'll have on your children is you!  The caring, intelligent young woman she's raised will one day be an awesome mum!!!!!! So, just keep being the best you can be, that's all a mum would ask.  I so sound like a mother, LOL!

There's a real sisterhood here at bc.org., tell your mum she has people rooting for her on the other side of the world.  Check in from time to time, let us know how she's doing.  I'll add this thread to my favorites.  

Good luck with all your plans, it does sound like a lot. As we say in the States, "go with the flow" and it will all work out.  

Thank you for the story about your brother, he surely beat the odds.   

NancyD

Gracie, my daughter was an infant, barely five months old when my mother died. She has no memory or her except what I have given her through photos and stories. We have a few family movies, but no videos, and the movies are hard to show (Note to self: Get movies transferred to DVDs). But she talks about her almost like she knew her. It all depends on how YOU talk about someone. That's what makes the difference in how they are remembered.

Kyta

Gracie this must be so difficult for you. I was young when my mom had cancer and l remember how scared I was.

Now I have cancer and my daughter is away at university. I'm having surgery next week, a few days before she was to come home for Christmas break. She called me earlier tonight to say that she's been granted permission from a prof to delay an exam so that she can come home early. I told her it totally wasn't necessay, but she's insisting that she needs to be here with me when I have surgery (she's exactly the same way I was with my mom!).

I'm so lucky to have a daughter like her....which I'm sure, is exactly the same way your mum feels about you. Keep making plans for your wedding and for your future. As a mom, I can tell you that that's exactly what I would want my daughter to do. I'm glad you were able to move your wedding day up and I pray to God that your Mum is able to be there with you to celebrate your special day. My prayers are with you and your mum.

Gracie87

Well the wedding plans have just had a giant spanner thrown in the works... (as if there weren't enough in there already!)

I don't think we'll be able to find a church that will marry us on Easter Saturday!

They don't perform ceremonies between Good Friday and Easter Sunday!

I can't believe this! We had always planned for a church wedding and I know that a religious ceremony is very important to mum in particular.

I emailed a couple of churches, explaining the situation but I haven't gotten replies back yet.

It's like this wedding just isn't meant to happen

glostagirl

I always approach things like this with a "what's meant to be, will be, attitude".  Often stumbling blocks like this lead to better things in the long run.  Truly, this has happened to me several times during my life. Some people call it Fate.

Take a deep, cleansing breath and think about what's really important.  Weddings are not so much about the date or the spectacle, as they are about sharing the joy of love with your family and friends.  

One of the things I love about weddings is the chance to relive my own joy in marrying my husband and that reminder of the love and commitment we share.  Those are the things you remember long after the memory of the date and place have faded.  Hope that doesn't sound too preachy.  

ddoyle

I'm so sorry to hear this.  My mom just passed away from breast cancer in July and she will never see me get married, have children or see another Christmas or New Years.  Please, please, please just spend time with her.  Everyones time on this earth is limited.  I pray that your mom will be fine and get well soon, but from someone who lost their best friend, there co-worker, there world just know that time is very short and all you can do is pray and be there for her.  I am a school teacher too, and I just started back to school for my masters which is something my mom wanted me to get.  Please don't stop dreaming and fulling your goals in life, if anything this is something that you can do for her and know that it will please her. Plus it helps to focus on something besides cancer.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers and know that there are others out there who know and understand what you are going through.