The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

raeinnz

darla - you are right, 'respect' is a word too many of the young nowdays don't understand!  I grew up when teachers were allowed to strap or cane us and we were smacked by our parents if we didn't show respect - we learnt real quick to mind our manners and mouth.

barbe - oh I see now - hadn't heard that term before. Did you have your lumpectomy done under IV sedation rather than a general anaesthetic? or do they use local anaesthetic as a pain relief following surgery?  I didn't have local anaesthetic with my bmx under general and had no bruising but I did have local when I had the ports and skin flaps removed under IV sedation and man was I bruised - literally black and blue literally all along both 10cm wounds. 

Rae 

Claire82

In defense of young people - they have been the kindest and most understanding in my journey as I am a teacher. I teach 12/13 year olds too so many of you understand my pain.

Of course I have met some who lacked respect but I also have met some 80 year olds that lacked respect. I saw my 80 year old mother this weekend and her first words to me were - OMG this boob is bigger than the other.

I said nothing, just walked away...

mcbird

Sorry ladies but I have been informed that white-itis is a racial slur.  I meant no disrespect.  When I was a nurse in a teaching hospital many years ago that is what we called all the smart aleck interns and residents regardless of their ethnicity. 

Enjoyful

No worries, Darla.  I know what you mean though I never had a term for it!  :-)

raeinnz

claire82 - I am sorry if my comment upset you. I was NOT advocating corporal punishment or violence in the home, merely trying to illustrate that society cannot afford to turn a blind eye to disrespectful behaviour or people will suffer as peace in a community requires respect for others and what is theirs. 

barbe1958

Brenda, you should have said to your mother, "Okay, you don't want me to call you mother anymore, I'll call you tennant. And YOU can call me landlord!"

Enjoyful

Hahaha Barbe....that's a great one!

Faythnme

Good Morning Sunshines - Wow, I think I read every post.  I know people out there can be insensitive to ones challenges in life no matter what it is.  Until they are experiencing it themselves they are not always sure what to say, so what they may feel is uplifting is actually hurtful.  There is an old saying "never make ones attitude yours, don't own it, don't let it take your energy or attention".  I've had most all of the same things said to me and I just blow it off to ignorance. Before I even knew that I had breast cancer (though I really already knew I did) I did my own research and a ton of reading.  My path down this road is mine and I know there are those who will be there no matter.  I have also had some good experience where individuals, even men are curious about the whole thing.  Some have even asked to touch me (the expanders- exchange scheduled for Nov 17th.) I am not ashamed to let them, women too.  Sometimes I don't even give my family or friends the opportunity to say NO to seeing what my body has gone through.  Even strangers want to see. I find that when I share openly regardless of their comments they have changed their way of thinking. Some just need an awakening and some just don't want to hear about it as it scares them as well.

I have met strangers in shopping stores who's loved ones have experienced the same thing and they hug me and tear up.  Trust me though I have my moments but they are mostly just my moments.  Ask my physical therapist.  Yesterday I broke down in tears (very hot here and I was very tired).  I told her she was my physical/mental therapist today.   I'm so glad I have her.

Remember this saying" I am not ashamed of the scars that I carry as they are the brushstrokes that is my life".  I have done several speeches on my breast cancer adventure and I have cried through each one. Everyone was receptive and very caring.  Next speech will be humorous!  It's hard to give speeches when crying.

Well everyone have a good day now that my mouth has runnith over.

mcbird

When you hit the ignore button, does the person who is being ignored know it?

Alyad

I don't think the person knows it as far as posts-don't know what happens if they send you a PM.

travelgal6979

raeinnz.  Thank you for your kind words of support.  I really appreciated it :-)

mcbird

Thanks Alyad,        Darla

suegoodfellow

I've had a few similar comments 'You'll be fine' etc etc, but the best was to my friend Jayne, whose 3 year old son was was having 3 years chemotherapy for leukaemia. An aquaintance approached her and said ' How's Will? I believe he has a touch of leukaemia?'  Will is nearly 15years old now, but the comment has remained a standing joke for us. In fact we have horrified a few people by Jayne saying to me 'What's the matter with you? It's only a touch of breast cancer!' When they see me laughing they look so relieved! It's OK to joke yourself!

Faythnme

Suegoodfellow -

I completely agree!!

dutchgirl6

I heard a good line a little while ago.  People think that you have cancerflu and now that you are finished treatment, you should be back to normal.  Unless you have it, you really don't get it.

I have an aunt who is 95, and always says what is on her mind.  When I told her that I would be having 6 cycles of chemo, she said "Only six?  That isn't so bad".   Another time she asked me how things were going with that "little spot" on my breast.  I know that she isn't being malicious, and I do make allowances for her age, but I wish that she wouldn't trivialize my experience.  

survivormom09

Wow!! You mean I don't have the only insensitive stupid Mom.  When I was diagnosed, she said oh now you are like Christina Applegate!  Then she thought the genetics questionnaire was a trivia game.  Since I was diagnosed over a year and a half ago she has only asked once or twice about what is going on.  I know she thinks I did something to deserve this.  I know who she is only makes me stronger.  Confronting her does not work.  She just ignores you.  Thanks ladies for sharing and making me feel normal. 

Anonymous

Like brendaskids, I've noticed when I speak up for myself some people decide they no longer want to be part of my life.  I finally realized they really didn't want to be my friend (or insert mother/sister/MIL/SIL etc.) but wanted me to be their doormat.  So I guess something good did come out of BC after all.  I'm no longer anyone's doormat.  And I've realized that the ones that stuck by me are the ones I need to expend energy on and will do so willingly and happily.  

bobcat

My mother(who is also a survivor) always asks me how my "boobies" are doing??  I say they're gone but these fake things haven't changed since I got them.

Anonymous

bobcat- LOL!!!!!!  I might have to steal that one! :-D

AussieSheila

Dutchgirl6, maybe your aunt wasn't trying to downplay your situation. My first thought as I read your post was, 'What a wise old lady!'  She was trying to tell you, I think, that 6 cycles of chemo doesn't sound bad when compared to maybe 12, 18 etc,.  Of course, tone of voice, and knowing her as well as you do, I'm probably wrong, t'was just my take on it.

Sheila.

dutchgirl6

Sheila, you might be right.  However, she doesn't possess the subtle gene, there are never any hidden messages in her words, and she does have the tendency to downplay major life events, for everyone in the family.  I know that she wasn't trying to be hurtful, but I was at the point where I just wanted to hear "that sucks". 

sunsets

I can't believe your husband would say such a thing...I am engaged to a wonderful man who took care of his wife for 30 years with brain cancer which got worse and worse...He stuck by her side through the good and bad and took care of her himself and worked, cooked, changed her, washed her...He did everything for her until the end....This was almost three years ago...I met him at my church on Oct. 15,2008..We had been dating for about 5 months and I found out I had breast cancer stage 2, 3 centimeters....He went with me to all dr. appts, chemo and radiation appts...He asked me to marry him last year on Aug, 2, 2009.. I asked why would you want to marry me when you just took care of your wife all those years and now what if something happens to me?? He answered, I have loved you since the first day I met you and I will never leave you no matte what...I believe God sent him from heaven....I love him dearly....We are planning to get married as soon as I get a clean bill...Hang in there and pray for your husband...Prayers are powerful.I will pray for him also and I will pray for you...God Bless....

NativeMainer

Sunsets--how wonderful!

retrievermom

My mom thinks "only 4" rounds, since my sister had daily chemo.  Tone and intent are important, but in general, don't we all just want our sh**t, pain, fear, to be validated and heard?

I love your story, sunsets.  

bobcat

Sunset - give him a big hug for all of us

squidwitch42

mcbird,

LOL...I thought you were posing a philosophical question with the ignore button like...if a tree falls in the woods, does anyone hear it fall?

I was nodding along with your post, then realized it was a site user question

traci

mcbird

Traci, LOL.         Darla

raeinnz

You ladies crack me up so often - lol!

kittycat

Kate - sorry I haven't been on this thread in a while.  With both the aug and the bmx, I had pain afterwards.  With my aug, the implants were placed above the muscle (you can go either under or over the muscle).  I went over because I had some chest wall deformities and it provided me a better look than going under.  Going over is an easier recovery.  I felt tightness and pain, but it was somewhat manageable.  When I had my bmx, obviously I lost all my breast tissue, so my breasts aren't as sensitive. My sister is completely numb (she also had a bmx), but I have feeling.  I get spasms almost every day still.  I was really pleased with my PS's work on my bmx. I actually like the size better. 

I had a funny thought after all of this was done... between the aug, the TE's and the exchange surgery, I've had 3 sets of foobs!  LOL 

kittycat

Some lady told me today that she thinks the reason neither she or her sister got cancer is because she ate beans as a kid.  I should have told her...  "probably not, but I bet you were gassy!!!"  LOL!!!  After a while I sort of become numb to people's dumb comments!