The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

shockd

Hi all - haven't been here lately, thankfully nobody to rant about .  

Mary (w6rq) - sorry your friend let you down.  People can be so stupid, open your heart to finding new friends.  

Reality - haven't seen you lately, hope you are well.

My own latest - when I mentioned that I was taking advantage of the "Look Good Feel Better" program by the American Cancer Society, somebody said "oh, there's lots of fringe benefits to that (BC)", to which I replied "oh yeah, like that mastectomy I got?" hahahahaha.  

Thank goodness on my good days I gotta laugh at the stupidity.  I think that people are not (usually) malicious, they just need for things to be familiar and comfortable, and that usually involves minimizing something (that for us, can't be minimized).  Dumba$$es.

riley702

Shockd, that was a fantastic comeback! I always think of those things a few minutes too late.

camillegal

Shockd-good answer---BTW did she happen to say any benefits.  I would like to know one.

Shrek4

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karody

"Chemo isn't so bad these days.  I had this friend who did chemo and she never missed a day of work.....blah, blah, blah..."

riley702

Oh, that one pisses me off. I work in a hospital (children's hospital) as a respiratory therapist with patients snotting all over me at every turn. Yes, they're in isolation - IF we know or suspect they have anything contagious. We ask the families not to come in if they're sick themselves, but they routinely ignore that. I did 6 months of chemo and more recovering so I could move on to surgery and rads. My immune system was in the toilet, my hands and feet peeled, my finger and toe nails all fell off, etc. Yet according to that person, I'm some sort of bum for not being able to work for 14 months? The people in charge of my disability insurance didn't think so. They didn't even blink. "oh yeah, no way can you work; don't worry about it". Some people are clueless idiots.

Shrek4

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camillegal

Well let's face it ladies we must be weak wimps ciz we couldn't cut it.. Maybe she worked from home. Cuz after a few months (which is all I could manage) with days off every week too I couldn't do it anymore and I've been home ever since LOL U ever notice people who (thank God for them) never experienced this awful disease have the most advice and know how we should feel-Blah It's like telling an astranaut how to pilot the space shuttle. PEOPLE

camillegal

Well let's face it ladies we must be weak wimps ciz we couldn't cut it.. Maybe she worked from home. Cuz after a few months (which is all I could manage) with days off every week too I couldn't do it anymore and I've been home ever since LOL U ever notice people who (thank God for them) never experienced this awful disease have the most advice and know how we should feel-Blah It's like telling an astranaut how to pilot the space shuttle. PEOPLE

camillegal

Well let's face it ladies we must be weak wimps ciz we couldn't cut it.. Maybe she worked from home. Cuz after a few months (which is all I could manage) with days off every week too I couldn't do it anymore and I've been home ever since LOL U ever notice people who (thank God for them) never experienced this awful disease have the most advice and know how we should feel-Blah It's like telling an astranaut how to pilot the space shuttle. PEOPLE

camillegal

Well let's face it ladies we must be weak wimps ciz we couldn't cut it.. Maybe she worked from home. Cuz after a few months (which is all I could manage) with days off every week too I couldn't do it anymore and I've been home ever since LOL U ever notice people who (thank God for them) never experienced this awful disease have the most advice and know how we should feel-Blah It's like telling an astranaut how to pilot the space shuttle. PEOPLE

julz4

Riley I don't know how you did it.  I work in a nursing home.  I only had RADS & I've been catching anything that's in the house so to speak!  Crossing everything right now as I am 3 weeks out from my last antibiotic & all is OK for the week. 

Day....I have a theory on Meds, Chemo, RADS.  Everyone has a different chemical makeup.  There is a predictable way they will effect us, but then there are those few that swing one way or the other.   So unless that person had BC & was taking the same exact Chemo as You or anyone else with the same BC they don't have a clue.  UNLESS they had some wild reaction to it....then all bets are off as to how they felt taking it.  But then most likely they were taken off it ASAP.  Give me a break they are comparing apples to oranges!

Camillegal....PEOPLE indeed!  Hats off to you for hanging in with work as long as you did.  

CindyLooWho

A close friend of mine has been super supportive but she had one weak moment. She told me to keep my chin up the other day in a text.



I said ...please don't ever say that to me again. I am well aware of the benefits of a positive attitude, BUT I have maintained a healthy lifestyle and I still got smacked with breast cancer so I am entitled to feel sorry for myself occasionally.



She apologized.

Shrek4

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camillegal

Day I can't imagine how difficult it would be to o in to all of this with another set of problems----I went in healthy no other problems after a couple of years of everything--all hell broke loose--bad thyroid, all electrolyes way low. on antibiotices alot,problems with kidney (one, liver and now heart and super bad arthritis and more--so it hhas to do different things to different everyone. I'm sure a lot of us got the same chemos, rads and whatever maybe for different leghts of time but not usually and of course some got more but it all does a number on all of us one way or another. I honestly thought I was imaginein alot of this stuff---then my bloodwork caught up with everything and I was almost relieved then I wasn't relieved hahaha.

Cuz I have never felt good again, everyday is a struggle and I'm NED and I', still in hospitals and feeling bad. I really thought my mind was causing all this now I know it's not but I'm here so I'm not complaining--just explaining And as u know I still have violent bouts of diarrhea and occasional fevers that they can no figure out 6 Drs. are stumped and I take meds for this now All this started in May of 2007 and ended in the very beginning of 2011 and I'm still a mess --that's why we are the only ones that really understand how we feel.

And when people say things to me like oh u had it so lon ago u must feel good by now--I say oh I' fine--they would never get it.

camillegal

 Even this has benefits

karody

When I did return to work, I wore my wig for quite some time to avoid talking about my medical history instead of sales.  When I finally quit wearing the wig, my hair was an inch or two long.  I walked into one of my clients offices and his nurse exclaimed loudly, "What did you do to your hair?!"  After a very uncomfortable pause, I looked her right in the eye, smiled, and said, "Cancer."

karody

When I did return to work, I wore my wig for quite some time to avoid talking about my medical history instead of sales.  When I finally quit wearing the wig, my hair was an inch or two long.  I walked into one of my clients offices and his nurse exclaimed loudly, "What did you do to your hair?!"  After a very uncomfortable pause, I looked her right in the eye, smiled, and said, "Cancer."

butterfly14

Karody, good fo you. People are so insensitive.

camillegal

Karody YYYAAAYYY

my2boys

Karody....I am sorry you had to deal with that insensitive person. Another good response would have been "what did you do to your manners"?

my2boys

Karody....I am sorry you had to deal with that insensitive person. Another good response would have been "what did you do to your manners"?

Lou10

When I was wearing a headscarf and was clearly bald, a cashier said to me "I like your scarf. It must keep you cool." (Huh?) So I said "Not really, but I lost my hair from chemo." Then she figured out I had cancer and said "Well, at least you were diagnosed. My husband had fibromyalgia and it took years to get a diagnosis." (Oh ya, I'm so lucky to have cancer, and diagnosed after it had spread to my lymph nodes.) Her last remark was that many days she wished didn't have to deal with hair!! So I told her she had the option, I didn't. I was stunned.

A while after that I went to the supermarket and her aisle was the only one open. A staff member pointed it out to me and I just said, "It's okay, I'll wait". 

Lou10

When I was wearing a headscarf and was clearly bald, a cashier said to me "I like your scarf. It must keep you cool." (Huh?) So I said "Not really, but I lost my hair from chemo." Then she figured out I had cancer and said "Well, at least you were diagnosed. My husband had fibromyalgia and it took years to get a diagnosis." (Oh ya, I'm so lucky to have cancer, and diagnosed after it had spread to my lymph nodes.) Her last remark was that many days she wished she didn't have to deal with hair!! So I told her she had the option, I didn't. I was stunned.

A while after that I went to the supermarket and her aisle was the only one open. A staff member pointed it out to me and I just said, "It's okay, I'll wait". 

felisaragland42

Hi,

I have had people ask me how did i get cancer, you just faking or you stay sick. that really hurts because they dont know how you feel or what you going through.

butterfly14

It is unbelievable how many insensitive, uncaring people there are running around.

Jennie93

So far the dumbest thing that has been said to me came from my sister, of all people.  We are both very flat-chested, always have been, and I can't deny I've often wished for a little cleavage like most women have, but oh well, we are what we are.  Anyway when she heard I was going to have a mastectomy she said "well now the insurance will pay for fake boobs, just tell them you were a C cup before and you can have boobs like we've always wished for."  I was speechless...... 

Lou10

Jennie93, maybe you should send your sister some pictures of breasts reconstructed after mastectomy (and during the process). Along with the women's stories of how many surgeries, etc., it took.

When my family members say insensitive things, I try to tell myself it's because they can't deal with me having cancer. Still hurts though.

Cindyl

I don't think most people who haven't been through cancer and it's treatments have any idea about the whole package.  They may see hair loss, or reconstruction, but they just don't even have a foundation to understand this beast.  They see you leaving work early every day for rads and think that sounds like fun, they think they'd like a boob job, and feel like getting reconstructed is some ego booster... little do they know what a roaring pita it all is... and all so you can live, the rest of your life wondering if you did too much or too little, wondering if the monster has really been defeated, or just driven into hiding for a while.

So, not understanding, the say stupid things, or perhaps even worse, they say nothing at all.  I try to cut "civilians" some slack, but it's very hard at times.  

Recently, a friend of mine noticed that "gee, that blouse doesn't lay well, it makes you look lopsided." 

Really?  You think it's the blouse?  You don't think maybe removing a tennis ball sized lump of tissue maybe had something to do with it?  

CindyLooWho

And this is why I can't discuss the details of all of this with anyone but a small group. Two friends that have been through it and my SIL the nurse.



I think the rest believe that you walk out of the hospital reconstructed, end of story. I can't bare the thought that they will all be looking at me wondering, so I let them believe it.



I am still in such shock and disbelief that I even have to make these decisions....I just want to break things. And the fear of the surgery and pathology showing something worse......