The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

LtotheK

I just am blown away by two things:  how idiotic people can be, and how funny and smart you all are!  You have all helped me tremendously with managing the PR machine that seems to be my life post-BC.  I think the reason so many of us get sensitive is because there truly is nowhere to hide--people want to be "nice" and "follow up", but man, a whole lotta education needs to happen.

My colleague's cancer is back.  She has leaned on me to help her talk to her friends ("oh, can't wait for you to be finished treatment so we can go on vacation together."--she's stage IV)  So, thank you all for keeping me centered.

Dunno if I posted this before, but my all time fave is:

"Thank you so much for reminding me of my good health."

Now a year + out, if I have to hear:

"Everything is all gone/alright/finished/better now, right?"  I might go postal.

thankful4life

When I returned to my part-time job at a law firm after my double mastectomy and immediate free-TRAM reconstruction, I was so, so tired. One day I was standing at the elevator with my boss, an attorney. He asked me how I felt that day. I told him I was really tired. His response? "yeah, I know what you mean. I've started getting a cold his weekend, so I probably feel as tired as you are today." WHAT? If I had had the strength I would have hit him.

momoftwo526

{{{{mermaidjls}}}}

darlam

All I can say to that is WOW! I had no idea there were so many stupid insensitive people in the world till now. I will have to say though that I also had no idea that so many good people would come out of the woodwork. It's the dumb ones that just take the wind out of your sails for a couple of days, though!

bedo

"Well, you took hormones, didn't you? "

"Yeah, I know how you feel, I'm having my own issues.  I think I have a torn ACL.  I can't play tennis"

"You mean, they have acupuncture, Reiki, and massage at your center for $7?  Can I come?"

(actually she could, as a friend of mine, but geeze, you'de think she'd won the lottery. I still love her though)

"Well, you can either play the victim or get over it" This before I even started radiation.

Beebop

I have an acquaintance who sells some type of soy based nutritional supplement. It's one of these things where they try to get others to sell it too so they can make more money. She told me that she knows a guy that took this supplement while going through chemo and he had absolutely no side effects.....really??? I told her my doctor did not want me to take it. Soy and chemo do not mix.

She called me a couple of weeks later and wanted me to come to a "meeting" to learn more. She said "I realize you are not feeling well, but even if you have to drag yourself out of bed, I think you would find it interesting". The nerve! She called me again after I didn't show up and finally just had to say I am absolutely not interested. She's planning to call again when I am done with chemo...think I'll change my number!

Tatina123

What can I say, Beebop?  Unreal....to suggest you drag yourself out of bed to hear some earth- shattering SOY news for a potential business is more than my brain can take right now!  UNREAL! 

Artemis

Beebop ~ Gah!!  I had one of those people approach me while I was in chemo, too.  Her uncle took the supplement during chemo, and he did just great!!!!11!!!1  Uhm, yeah.  Well, that's great, sweetie, but your uncle doesn't have estrogen positive breast cancer.

I'm sorry this person won't take no for an answer.  If she calls again and you talk to her, tell her in no uncertain terms to not call you again.  If she keeps calling, report her for harrassment.  I'm not even kidding.  *hugs*

mermaidjls

    Momoftwo526  ::hugs: back.  Thank you for your hug.  There are days I really need one.  God bless and keep you close during your journey.  ::hugs::

Elizabeth1889

Shortly after I was diagnosed with BC, I received a phone call from a political campaign asking me for a donation of one hundred or more dollars.  I told him I had just been diagnosed with BC and could not think about making such a donation now.  All he said was, "Perhaps you could consider a more modest donation then?"  Needless to say, I hung up on him.

Artemis

Elizabeth1889 ~ Your post made me laugh out loud, haha!  Good on you for hanging up on him.

NativeMainer

"Oh, yes, I can make a more modest donation.  What is the address?  I'll have my removed breast delivered priority mail."

Anonymous

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Sandeeonherown

people do not think...they have their own agendas and scripts in some cases and are not actually listening to themselves when they talk...and out comes the most ridiculous crap....some of these commenets tonight made me snort out loud....it stuns me actually that people would think these things let alone say them...clearly they have not experienced the fear, pain, anxiety and confusion that cancer brings in its wake...good for all of you for handling it with honest anger, righteous rage and humour! Not an easy thing.! Bring on that bus!

3jaysmom

just want you to know, im here, lurking, and amazed at people, as usual.......3jays

Sandeeonherown

Thanks 3Jays!  you're the best!

BlueCowgirl

Ok ladies...I have another prime candidate for the BUS!!!

Short background - I am staying with my parents, my dad is terminally ill with glioblastoma and requires LOTS of care. We are all really struggling financially - as in, I hope we don't get a lot of snow this winter because I can't afford a new pair of winter boots. Thanks to my mom's and my hard work, the house looks really clean and nice, as it's about to go on the market. 

Anyway...my cousin came to visit this weekend, and the sun was hitting a glass coffee table just right, so that you could see there was dust on it. Her comment? "Look at all that dust on the table! Why don't you get a cleaning lady?" Yes, she is aware of our financial situation.

Another good one...Same cousin knows cancer has robbed me of the ability to bear children, and she seems to think reminding me how hard it is to have kids will somehow make me feel better. Of course, in addition to her two young children, she also has a supportive husband and a nanny and a maid. So as she was packing a bag of cheerios to take on the car ride home, she said to me, "See how hard it is to have kids? I'm always having to pack up things like this wherever we go. You wouldn't want to deal with all this." I wanted to take the box of Cheerios and beat her with it. Seriously? Unbelievable. 

Leah_S

BlueCowgirl, next time Clueless Cousin makes a stupid comment like that about the kids, offer to adopt hers.

I'm sending hugs to help ease your pain. For me, that would be worse than the Stage IV that I have. I am so sorry.

Leah

Artemis

(((BlueCowgirl)))

kate2011

BlueCowgirl, my best friend just had a baby in July.  I get so many emails from her with pictures & comments & so forth.  I try to be happy for her.  Sometimes it's so hard.  Every time I go out with her and people ask her about the baby, she makes a point of saying how having a baby and being a mother is the absolute greatest thing in the world, the greatest joy ever, best thing that could ever happen to a person, blah blah blah.

It takes a lot of will power to not cry, get upset, or tell her I'm sick of it.  She's got a right to be happy about it.  It just reminds me that I won't have that happiness.  I would love to say "Hey, it doesn't take a genius to get accidentally knocked up by your boyfriend when you're drunk!  Lots of people do it!  Glad you found happiness in that little accident!"  I just can't do it, though.  I love her and the baby and I'm just pissed that I have bc and I'm old.

sutherndiva

So when I was first diagnosed I had three aunts and a very ignorant cousin come to my initial meeting with the surgeon supposedly as a means of support. So here I am with my shirt off, breast out and he's showing us the tumor. Miss ignoramus comes over and asks if she can feel it, I say ok. She then shivers, says ewww and washes her hands. To this day I can't stand her, thus is typical of her.

barbe1958

Diva, you should send her an urgent email telling her that you just found out that breast cancer can be transmitted through TOUCH. Didn't she notice the doc had gloves on!!! OMG!!! It takes about 2 years to grow big enough to be seen on a mammo, so she should run, not walk to get checked out!

BlueCowgirl

Oh, Diva, that's so ridiculous. Don't you just love clueless relatives? I think Barbe's plan is perfect.

This following one doesn't go under the bus, she just gets filed under "D."(umb). This from a family friend, commenting on my scraggly growth of chemo hair: "That looks like at least a $120 haircut!" What, not $125? Dude, if I ever willingly pay $120 to have my hair cropped to 1/2" and patchy, please just put me out of my misery. I know she was just trying to make me feel better, but she would have done a better job with her mouth closed.

What I *should* have said is, it cost well into the six figures to get my hair to look like this. Always thinking of the snappy comebacks a little too late... 

bedo

Diva, I like Barbe's idea

Cowgirl  Your friend sounds nice, but maybe dumb. Like my friend who picked up her husband at work but ran him over instead.  (He was OK, seen and released)

My story, went to Medicaid dentist for a re-do of a root canal, Dental Hygenist, takes one look at my xray, my history, sits down on rolling stool, scoots close to me, folds her hands and sadly says to me.  "You DO know what caused the bone loss around the old root canal don't you.?"

"What?" I say,  "You breast radiation" (ended 2-3 weeks ago) she sagely informs me. 

"How did it skip over my heart and thyroid and avoid the other teeth?" I ask, (Never can keep my mouth shut)

At which point she got huffy and told me her confusing medical history involving irregular heart beats and WTF? and told me  because the same thing happened to her grandmother.

riley702

LOL, bedo, love that comeback!

3monstmama

bedo  two thumbs up on the answer!!!!

diva, I'm with Barbe on the email to the clueless relative.

sigh!!!

Tatina123

I actually just posted this on another thread and thought this was a perfect fit here for this forum. It was about opinions (I.e. Dumb things) people say..... Here you go:



"Why aren't you your cheery self (5 days after my BMX)?"



"I don't think you prepared yourself enough for your bilateral mastectomy (how does one do that; is there a dress rehearsal I missed?)"



"You don't look so good, when is the last time you had a slice of pie?"

BlueCowgirl

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Tatina, all three are priceless. Perhaps if you had prepared yourself  for your BMX by eating a pie, you would have been more cheery, right? Some people say the most astonishingly inappropriate things.

tinkertude

omg!!!! unbelievable !!! yes a dress rehearsal.... what were we thinking not practing????? geez...

  I had an ultrasound done the other day due to some bleeding prob from the Tamoxifen I am on and had a very very cheerful ultrasound tech... she was doing her thing and said oh your on Tamoxifen for breast cancer? I said yes.. she said how did you find out you had BC? I said actually from a routine mammo here at this imaging place.. she said " oh thats soooo great, they found it here"....it wasnt really what she said it was the enthusiam with wich she said it that I guess threw me off a bit.. like ding ding ding... do you win a prize now lol

kmccraw423

The world is filled with idiots.  I am so sorry you good women are exposed to this idiotic gibberish.

I just got out of the hospital and rehab from a stroke -- both sisters came over and my youngest sister's comment was "you sure have gotten greyer.  Thank you very much - I feel so much better now!

Barbe ... you are the best - you made me LOL!