The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

3jaysmom

welcome to the group none of us wanted to join  Proudtospin; i love this site.. i fend im not such a biatch as i think i ma, some days.. it never ceases to amze me what others say and do to us!!!

   i have to tell you about one of my "not so proud of moments" when i was doing the scarf thing, and was totally bald.. i wear one still a lot. due to hypothyroidism, my front hair hasn't returned yet, but its filling in...

   anyway, i was at publix, and a woman just wouldn't stop staring. i was in my "b" mood, so, i whipped OFF the scarf, looked right ar her, and said ok... is this better? she blanched, and got of line... one for our team... and now, since you've asked.. throw em under if ya got em.............3jays

3jaysmom

it NEVER gets old to me!!!!

barbe1958

Way to go 3jays!!!!!!!

Debbie, I think I was undertreatead. My surgeon was glad I had the double mast, but didn't bother sending me to an onc!!! It was from this forum that I learned to ask for certain tests.

sas-schatzi

Barbe I have read of the same thing where a PS and BS didn't send a woman to and ONC. They had no clue as to what her treatment ought to be. Their arrogance astounding!

barbe1958

Phew! So I'm not the ONLY neglected one? I felt like such an idiot when I realized what SHOULD have been done! At one point my surgeon had said "Save the big guns until next time!"

mccrimmon324

"Save the big guns until next time!"?????  WTH?  I don't want a next time, I want you to fix this for good the first time!

barbe1958

I know!!! I'm embarassed now how happy I was to hear I didn't need chemo. He was just 'assuming'!!!

mccrimmon324

My first onc told me I probably wouldn't need chemo but he didn't have all the facts, something I didn't know at the time.  I was elated, then completely devasted when all the facts were in and I was a definitely for chemo! 

tinkertude

Barb you shouldnt feel like an idiot your doctor should be. Thesse are things  they should be telling us. My docs ddidnt know what to do with me as i was in a "gray" area. The 2nd opinion doc said " well you could do everything i suggest and it could still come back so its up to you"... really because i was hoping she would of known what the right thing to do was.. needless to say i didnt stay with her.

Have a great day ladies and hope we all dont run into to many idiots

Maria

Elizabeth1889

3 jays:  I loved your scarf story.  Good for you!

bedo

Oh, stop being so vain.

This from someone who is waiting to have her upper lids redone, has had botox 2 times in the past year, restyline (sp), several facial peels, and had legs lasered ankle to bikini line so "I won't have to shave again"

proudtospin

Mc-- your doc must be the same as the one my brother had for his hodgkins, his onco told him that it was too early to treat so they waited till the chemo would....work better?  as in 5 years till it progressed.

he has now had chemo 3 times (not sure if he has done any rads) and 2 years ago called me to talk to me about his upcoming visit to big hospital to discuss stem cell transplants.  His conversation was sort of like, will you be a donor?  my response as I had only just passed my first post rad mamo but was trying to figure out what lymphodemia meant......

my answer was a shocked....I do not THINK I would be able to be a stem cell donor...his response was....Why?

 see, I have some really dimwitted family members!

ps, he doesn't call any more

sas-schatzi

3jays I loved the scarf story too. We are raised to not hurt people, why so many people do is beyond me. It will be along time before that woman hurts anyone again.  And odd thing happened when I bid on something form Ebay. She was within a couple of miles. She opened the door and I knew right away she was a chemo patient, scarf, no eyelashes and eyebrows. We got to talking , She had to return to work within a few days, She was concerned about wearing scarves. Her company was supportive, but she had no clue how to do them. We were of the same age , but I was a flower child and she was not. I still had all off my flower child scarves. I taught her and her husband multiple ways to tie scarves.           Saw her several months later, at a lab. She was so thankful that I had showed her what we used to do in the 60's early 70's. It had made her less self conscious b/c they were stylish. Since no hair,  I still wear scarves when the outfit works. I'm guessing people wonder. Who the Biatch cares. I like them.

BTW I have suggested someplace, forget what thread , could be here, that we use Biatch, as our word for idiots. If I come across it, I will copy it to you b/c I gave you credit for coming up with the word. I said if someone asks what the word means , just say it's an old Gaelic word. You can insult someone and they don't have a clue. Useful, in situations like your scarf situation.

riley702

I watched vids on YouTube to learn ways to tie my scarves.

ETA: biatch is fairly common and also spelled beyotch. If you want obscure, try bitca (Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference. One character spelled out "bitch" and another character misheard. "Bitca?" "No, H, not A!" "OH!") LOL

3jaysmom

riley, i like THAT one even better... heard a great one on the Kardashians the other night... slore... a sl*t and a wh**** it cracked me up!!!...............3jays

kmccraw423

It has been a really loooong time since I have been on here - 40 some pages.  I decided I would have to start anew because catching up would be a monumental task.  That will teach me not to check in at regular intervals.

It never ceases to amaze me what strong and generous women there are on this site.  God bless you all.

mccrimmon324

Hey ladies, No one has said anything stupid or thoughtless, just needed a place to vent. 

I'm soooooo tired of hearing, "Just think positive"  I realize these are people that love and worry about me but when I'm having a bad day (currently going thru chemo) Please stop telling me to be positive!  Just let me have my bad day, offer me a hug, don't tell me what to do. 

Kay_G

So agree with you. Just had a problem with my dh over that. Not the first time, he just doesn't "get it". So frustrating......

3jaysmom

yup; i know what you both mean.. not being in an up mood doesn't mean we're not doing everything we can. it just means its darned overwhelming at times. we had to change to anew thread here, with all the you need to be positives we were getting on a thread.. most of us are on the older but wiser group, if you ever wanna ck it out. we know better there......hahaha      3jays

Eema

My DH and sister yelled at me when I was waiting for the results of my lumpectomy, "stop obsessing, you dont have cancer". Then when I got the path report and the BS said it WAS cancer, but they got it all, my DH and sister said again, "see you dont have cancer!" I finally got through to DH that I DID have cancer and he was going to have to let me freak out, it took him a long time and we both went to support groups to learn how to deal with it. Annoying when you want to grieve and you are not allowed...

3jaysmom

amen sister, preach it! I think THATS' the most frustrating..having all these feelings noone wants to hear.. well, we're here, and listening........3jays(and agreeing)

chillipadi

My MIL often makes me wonder why I married my DH. She and my FIL were not involved in our wedding at all as they had planned a vacation during that period and didn't want anything to interfere with that. Those two go on vacation several times a year. The rest of the time they're 'busy' watching TV, playing golf or socialising.

I've been undergoing treatment for more than 2 years now and she keeps asking when I'll be done. If I knew the answer to that I'd be God. Even my onco doesn't know. I'll be done when I'm healed or dead, stupid!

Sometimes, she'll ask us to attend a social function. Most of the time I decline as tumors have broken through the skin, resulting in raw sores, bleeding and constant oozing of fluids. I con't put on a bra and I'm in constant pain. So she says: "Nevermind, just come as you are, Nobody will care." She's right there - nobody does care!

My SIL will be getting married in California in November, and my MIL keeps asking my DH and I if we'll be attending. DUH! California is many hours from where we live. If I just go out for 4 hours or so I'm in pain and the wound dressing starts to get wet and stink. My MIL keeps asking my DH if I'll be healed by November. What? Is he God too?

Just the other day, my MIL told me that she had thought of buying soursop (graviola) for me as it's supposed to be cancer-fighting. But she was undecided as the fruit cost $13 and she thought that was a lot of money. This, from a woman who travels several times a year and has several country club memberships! Then she said that maybe she would plant a graviola tree for me in her garden so that I could harvest the fruits, leaves etc. That tree will take at least 5 years to reach maturity, before anything can be harvested from it. Thanks MIL! That's no use to me now.

But her heart's in the right place. On my birthday or Christmas, she likes to buy me tight or clingy T-shirts and blouses. HELLO, my body has been totally mutilated and I can't even wear a bra.

My DH is an angel, which is why I put up with my MIL and FIL (he's another class act). Bet none of you has a MIL like mine.

3jaysmom

ok, i thought my 1st MIL was a biotch; yours is a moron.. i haven't seen the need for a bus soo much in a long time...lets ALL  throw her under ithahaha 3jays

3jaysmom

chillipadi

Wait! I forgot another one! Last Christmas, at a party for family and relatives, someone gave a few of us gift baskets, filled with sweet treats like chocolate and cookies. My DH and I were so pleased, because we've been down and out for so long that it was really nice to receive a gift. Guess what my MIL did? She gave away our gift basket to her elderly, sickly brother who has diabetes and heart issues. She kept her own gift basket, of course. When we asked her what happened to our gift basket, she and FIL got mad at us.

 And I haven't even vented yet about my FIL and SIL .... 

chillipadi

And here's one more. When asked how my DH would manage should I die, MIL's response was "He can buy a dictionary" (DH is weak in spelling).

And to think that we've just bought her a beautiful jacket for her birthday.

Eema

Ok, well, my SIL hasnt called or emailed or visited since my BMX and I'm 4 weeks out. She lives in the same town as us. When I mention to my little boy yesterday that his aunt was coming to visit me today, he said, "all the way from The D?" MY sister lives in Detroit, 7 hours from here, and he doesn't even think about his aunt that lives in town because he sees her maybe 2 times a year. My SIL and BIL don't have kids and never will, there choice, but have golf and dogs instead. When he was a baby, my DS threw a ball at the dinner table and broke one of my MIL's china pieces, and BIL was incensed when I didn't beat the crap out of him. HE WAS A BABY! Of course he got a time out, but hey, you chose not to have kids, don't try to be a parent to mine! When my MIL was sent to the ER with a broken shoulder, they brought the dogs with them in the car and left them there while they checked on my MIL. Of course, they could only stay for 15 minutes, "because the dogs are in the car..." They use the dog excuse all the time. Well, SIL is coming to visit around 1 pm today when my DS will be with my MIL, let's see if she leaves the dogs in the car... I hope she does! Or we will have words today, I'm on enough pain meds that I don't really care about holding my tongue!

justagirl

chillipadi: I have an idea for the next present you and your DH want to give to your MIL: a roll of scotch tape with these instructions:  Apply generously to your mouth before speaking to us.

chillipadi

Ha, ha justagirl, that's just too funny. You and 3jaysmom made me laugh today and that's been so rare in my life for the past couple of years. Thank you!

Cyborg

About the thinking positive.... I just tell people when they tell me to think positive that a lot of women who think positively still die of this disease and it wasn't because they didn't try!!!