what do you feel after mastectomy?

I_Can

dear all...I am Julie, 23 years old...I've been Dx last may..it was BC grade IIa. I've been take mastectomy an chemoterapy (that was so horrible!! but thank God I can passed it ).

I read so many literature when I got that DX..they explain what is BC, what kind of treatment you have to pass when you got it, what kind of foods, vitamins, etc you have to take when you are a patient with BC, what do you have to do after you got mastectomi, and so on...but............no one tell me what is exactly will I feel when I got mastectomy. 

so..there I am..

alone fighting  the feeling that I am not attractive anymore, without my left boops..

no man will love me..

but then I know, that me still me..without my boops or my hair..thinking of negative things just only take me to deep bad effect of chemoterapy...

well..I need someone to talk to about it...

would someone share the experience, the feelings after mastectomy please?  

NativeMainer

Julie--

I had a mastectomy, also on the left, Aug 08.  I am single, have been all my life (I'm 50) and not currenttly dating or even looking, so my situation is a bit different from yours.  I don't feel attractive without my left boob, and I feel like I'm living a lie when I wear a prothesis.  So I'm going to have a reconstruction, for me, because that's what I want for me.  I've been blessed with many friends, a few of them men, that I can talk to about bc treatment and it's effects.  The men tell me that they don't think differently of me, that they still think of me as the person I am, and that I am not any different for missing a body part.  Of course, these are not men that I am romatically involved with or going to be. 

At this point I am going through the process of getting a reconstruction.  I want this for myself--to feel balanced and all in one piece again.  I know I will feel better about myself, and self-confidence is attractive.  How will it work out if I ever meet a man I want to have a relationship with?  Don't know.  But I DO know that I will feel good about myself, and that's a good place to start. 

carolehalston

Julie, I am old enough to be your grandmother.  66 yrs. old.  So our situations are completely different.  I had a double MX and construction with implants.  The new breasts feel different and look different, but my clothes fit well and I look completely normal.  I'm sorry I got BC but I did, and that's that.  I hope you are considering reconstruction.  Good luck to you.

jmar19

It is very common to feel very similar things after a mastectomy.  I was dating a guy for 3 months when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was told that I was going to need a mastectomy.  I just met him 6 months before we started dating so I didn't know him very well and I wasn't sure how he was going to take this news.  I didn't end up telling him right away.  I thought that he was going to leave me and I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.  I thought that no one would ever find me attractive again and this was the end of my sexual life.  After about a month, my boyfriend knew something was wrong and I ended up telling him what I was going through.  He surprised me.  He said, "WE will get though this".  He stuck by me, but after my mastectomy, I didn't want him to look at me.  He was interested to see what I looked like and encouraged me.  The first few months of making love, I wouldn't even remove my shirt.  He let me go at my own pace and eventually, I became more comfortable with myself.  I still sometimes am confused with him still being able to find me attractive.  I have asked him many times about it and he says, "Your beautiful".  I still struggle with this concept, but if you find the right man, he will look at you and be attracted to you even if you think it's not possible.  Even if you don't believe it will ever happen just have faith that it will.  Hope this helps.

Jen

franie

I was dating when I had a bilateral. I did not want reconstruction and wanted to be perfectly flat and smooth. My surgeon did a beautiful job and even my scar looks good. I was a DDD and knew I would wear forms as I liked the size of my breasts. I did everything I could to conceal my flat chest from my bf. He never saw me without a top on and something sown into the top. As soon as I could I was fitted for silicone forms. He never saw me without my forms. Even when we were intimate I wore my bra and forms except for one time and that was the last time I saw him. He said I looked good in my forms and they felt good to him, but I wouldn't react when he touched me. DUH, they are fake and so are the nipples. The one time we were intimate without my forms he couldn't handle my flat chest. I have cried a lot this week thinking I made mistake not choosing reconstruction. I am in my early forties and don't want to be alone forever. Not sure how I will handle this should I meet someone else.

musiclovermom

franie!

It is not too late to get reconstruction!

I am 44 and having it right now.

My plastic surgeon is amazing!

He assures me that once my nipples are tattooed on, NO one would know I had a bilateral mastectomy - and I believe him! 

It is painful to go through the tissue expansion but I have to think it will be worth the few months of pain & discomfort to have new boobs - even better than the defective ones that tried to kill me - PLUS I get to choose the size!

I have not started dating yet because I want to be put back together before I make that leap! but I am looking forward to it this summer.

Let me know if there is any thing I can help with.

Kimberly

musiclovermom

Julie - sorry I didn't mean to ignore your post - I just felt so strongly...

Thanks for starting this thread - we need it!

Kimberly

DecisionsDecisions

Hi Franie,

I know exactly how you feel.  I am 41 yrs. old.  I was married when I was diagnosed with BC and had to have a bilat. mastectomy. Six yrs later it ended in divorce - he committed adultery - so that was a big slap in the face.  I have had plenty of dates run like hell when I told them I had BC.  I just ended a relationship that I was in for the past year.  He seemed to overlook the fact that I had BC and accepted my reconstructed breasts.  During the break-up, he told me that no one would want me with fake breasts and scars.  Those words devastated me.  I feel like I have taken a huge step backwards with my body image and any hope for a relationship.  It makes me wonder if there is anyone out there that will accept me for who I am.  

musiclovermom

DecisionsDecisions

I hope you know he was an jerk! (would use stronger language...)  What kind of man would tell a woman that? What about all the women who have fake stripper boobs? I have to think if men are depending on caressing a breast to make them better lovers, they ought to put a little more work into the rest of the foreplay to turn us on.

I guess I am lucky because my husband left 2 months before the cancer - I like the person I am finding right now - had forgotten who I was.

Now that I am waiting for my implants, I am seriously considering how I am going to go about dating. I guess the cancer issue is a good way to weed out the but heads.

I have no idea how or where to start looking, but know I deserve someone who can see past scars. I do have those days when I feel like no man wants a defective woman. BUT I will have new perky boobs that are not trying to kill me!

There are a few threads on dating if you look for them, I think it's under being single?

Kimberly

franie

Hi Kimberly,

How nice of you to respond and share with me. I guess I am a little vain and liked my DDD's. My surgeon didn't think I could have implants that large even with expanders and I chose not to have skin sparing surgery. At this point I think I am stuck with breast forms or smaller breast implants. It seems reaction from men is the same for either until we find the right man. Thank you again. 

Franie 

franie

DecisionsDecisions

I am so sorry to hear of your experience. I thought I had found the only jerk. I guess your jerk is not aware that many woman have breast implants whether they had  BC or not. We just have to keep trying to find mister right.

Franie 

PattifromEncinitas

OMG Julie!! I am feeling so sad for you. You just need to realize that things will get better. Your hair WILL grow back. I understand your feelings of loss - the hair, the breast (for me breasts, hair and nails). Have you been to any support groups?? Since you are so young, you really should look into the Young Survival Coalition. It is a group for women who got BC 45 years and under. Just last night there was a party with the local girls here in San Diego and we have become so close. One of the girls, Lauren, was only 21 or 22 when diagnosed. You should talk to her!! I am so grateful that this organization exists. It really made my year of treatments more tolerable. I was able to see young beautiful women, who all went through what I went through, get through cancer and see that there is a light at the miserable tunnel. It is a hard miserable journey but my friends made it easier. AND there is a conference for young survivors that is coming up in Feb. I went last year and am going this year. It was so awesome!! It is an amazing weekend. We are all young and there are some great lectures and speakers who give us the latest info about breast cancer. Last year I went to the lecture about reconstruction and it was so helpful. Here is the website: http://youngsurvivorsconference.org/  They give travel grants out. Last year my whole trip was paid for. It gets funded by organizations like Komen. You really need to learn about your reconstruction options and I am sure there will be lots of girls who will be willing to show you what sort of results to expect and you will hear countless different options. You are so young and you have your whole LONG life ahead of you!!! Also check out the Young Survival Coalition message boards. REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are all young women with breast cancer!!! Here is the website for that!! http://www.youngsurvival.org/bulletin-board/.  TRY to go to the conference though!! It is actually lots of fun and you will make great friends. We all have felt what you are feeling - no one else really does and it is comforting being together. Take care, Patti

musiclovermom

Julie

I agree with Patti! Find a support group to attend in true life - cyber support is one thing , but making real connections has helped me get through the past year. I have found a wonderful bunch of women at all ages and stages of Breast Cancer Survival! The information they share is unlimited.

I recently had the opportunity to help a woman decide on her surgery by showing her my results with tissue expanders. She was so relieved to know what to expect with a bilateral mastectomy and another woman showed her the final result with the implants & nipples!

Seeing us at different ages and stages gave her peace that it would be ok and it is a work in progress. That, plus she had a consult with our plastic surgeon and we both love him!

Kimberly