I'd love your views

caaclark

Raye- thanks for the avatar compliment!  I think I over compensate with my hair.  After not having hair during chemo I now get it highlighted every 6 weeks.  

I don't obsess too much about the other areas of my body but I do dress in a more revealing way than I used to.  Not in a trashy way but I still wear low cut shirts (esp. camis) and I also tend to wear necklaces and jewelry more than I used to.  I think my style has changed since cancer because, well, life is too short to wear clothes you don't love and feel good in. 

Lastly, glad to hear from everyone.  I don't post too much anymore but I do visit this site regularly.

apple

interesting that you should mention clothes Carol (caaclark).

My attitude has really changed.. i love unconventional clothes with gorgeous fabrics.  No one where I live,m dresses this way and I had always been reluctant to stand out..

now 'life is too short' determines that I dress the way I want too.  Wish I had enough hair to really obsess.. Thankfully it's long enough to wear by itself.

caaclark

Apple-

Your hair will be long before you know it.  I remember wishing that too and thinking I would never get there, but I did!

Raye99

Yes, you ladies are right. Hair. I had never thought much about it, as before bc I typically wore my hair long and never considered getting it cut once it started growing back, just maintenance cuts, but I now realize that I want keep it long for as long as possible.  In my previous post, I was thinking more of keeping the body in shape (easier said than done) - but yes, the issue of my personal overcompensation does extend onto other areas such as hair and clothing as you ladies mention.

Carol, like you, I wear form fitting clothing (not trashy - I hope not anyway - ha); just trying to avoid the frump. Right before I was dx'd with bc, I had lost about 20 lbs and had to fight like mad not to put it back on during chemo. I am still fighting. Funny thing is, most people thought I had lost the weight BECAUSE of bc. "Well, one good thing about having cancer, you lost weight!" uh, no.  I used to HATE to shop, but now, as others have mentioned, I want to look my best and I actually enjoy shopping and fashion.

Raye

Yes, Apple, hang in there - the hair will be back soon. Little by little.

GryffinSong

I had a bilateral mastectomy 11 months ago, and have no plans to reconstruct. I figure if I haven't missed them by now, I probably never will. I love not wearing a bra. I love being able to jump and jog without jiggling. I love not worrying about whether anyone is staring at nipples. I have not yet worn a swim suit though. I wonder how I'll feel about that. And I am not happy with one side. The right side is smooth, and neither scar bothers me. But there's puckering and a raised area under where the left breast used to be, and that looks disfiguring to me. I'd love to have that smoothed out so I'm flat like the right side.

nikkidonahue

Thank you all for your posts, it is really nice to read of others' feelings.  I just had bilateral mast. a week ago.  I am enjoying the flat look becuase I am overweight and finally some part of me looks skinny!  It is really a good incentive to try and lose weight and shrink this belly down too.  I have those puffy forms that come with the post-surgical cami but haven't had any desire to even try them on so far.  I breastfed my 4 of my 5 children and having to stop when my littlest was 2 months old was very difficult for me, but once that was over, I adjusted pretty well to the idea of booblessness.

franie

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my breast and I really miss my nipples. I chose not to have my skin spared and I have a nice scar and am very flat. I was a DDD before surgery and have chosen to wear DDD forms. The only time I am flat is when I shower and sometimes in bed. I would also be lying if I didn’t say I do cry  at times when I look down and see nothing. Most of the time I wear my forms to sleep in. Without the forms I miss the weight and the jiggle I was use to. The forms I wear most of the time weigh over 2lbs each, I don't like foam forms. Yes, at times the forms are hot but I am willing to put up with the discomfort to have the appearance of breasts.  The only thing I can't do is wear revealing clothes and yes bikinis are out. Do to the fact my bf has never seen me without forms I guess I consider myself disfigured. I am also glad I am not a uni. I think it would be difficult to get use to not being balanced. Sorry to whine and be so negative about not liking to be flat, but I really enjoyed having large breasts. However, I still believe I choose the best option and I am alive. 

Erica3681

Hi franie,

It sounds as if you're coping really well, all things considered. I'm glad your sugery left you with a nice scar and flat chest. Even though you wear forms all the time, I think it makes it more comfortable if there aren't too many lumps and extra skin underneath.

You do not seem to be whining and negative to me--just sharing how you feel after the wrenching experience of losing your breasts. Actually, it sounds as if you're focused on what's most important--being alive. When I have my down moments, I really do remind myself of that.

Just wondered whether you have tried any of the forms designed to minimize perspiration--like the Amoena Climate or the Amoena Natura with Comfort+. I have the Climate and I perspire much less behind the form than I do with other silicone forms. 

I agree with you that really no one can tell in clothes that our "breasts" aren't real. I experiment with tops a lot and have found I'm able to wear some that are rather low cut, if they're tightly fitted so they don't gap when I bend over.

Barbara

franie

Hi Barbara and thank you for your kind words. I have not tried the forms you mentioned but I will look at them. I have found a number of forms are light weight and don't give me any feel if that makes sense. Unlike many, I like the weight on my bra straps and the jiggle. I do have a Jodee permaform bra with built in forms and it feels like I am wearing nothing and tends to ride up. As strange as it may sound I do feel I am fortunate to be very smooth and very flat. I have been concerned about weaingr anything low cut as the weight of my forms causes them to pull away some when I bend over. I may get brave and try it. Thank you for your suggestions.

 Franie 

thepinkbirdie

"I agree with you that really no one can tell in clothes that our "breasts" aren't real."

I never thought of it before breast cancer but now I find it so darn funny the thought of guys who are always commenting on or ogling women's breasts.  It makes me wonder how many women are walking around with prosthesis and the guys don't have a clue! 

franie

Marie, if we don't tell or let them touch they don't know the difference. haha My prosthesis get the same look as my real ones did.

Franie 

lisa-e

But we lack cleavage when we wear forms . . .  I loved to wear clothing that showed off my clevage when I was in my 20s and thirties.  Now, if I wear low cut suff  at my scars, bumps and lumps show.

franie

Lisa, one of many disadvantages of losing our girls unless we have reconstruction.

Franie 

SusaninSF

I'm happy to go without reconstruction because I didn't like the implant but I do miss my real boobs.  I don't think about it when I'm clothed either with or without my prosthesis.  In clothes, my prosthesis looks, feels and moves very naturally.  However, naked, I do feel less sexy.  Part of that is probably just getting older.  I was 42 when I lost my breast and I'm almost 46 now.  My husband doesn't seem to mind at all but I notice the loss.  My breasts were an important part of my sexuality both visually and tactilely.  In other words, I would say that I do ultimately consider the mastectomy to be disfiguring.  At the same time, I would also say that the foob was much less sexy because it looked gruesome and had no feeling.  

starzhere

I had a unilateral mastectomy, 20 years ago.  At that time they weren't doing immediate reconstruction and we had to wait until after treatment was completed, in my case chemo.  At the time, I had a five year old and I didn't want to disrupt her life or mine with more surgery and potential complications.  I honestly didn't want to put more energy into my cancer diagnosis than I absolutely had to.  It was hard enough doing the followup every three months, etc.

I have to honestly say,  that I had beautiful perfect breasts, but they were not important to me, sexually, so I'm sure that played a huge part in me not missing one.  Plus I still had the other one.  I never did feel mutilated or disfigured.  I think it's more attitude than anything else.  I refuse to think about my beautiful healthy body that way.  Looking at it on a scale of 1-10, I would consider it a 1 as opposed to a person who has been burned over 85% of their body, which would be a 10.

I'm, now 58 and I'm finding that I'm thinking it would be nice to be flat and be able to wear a smaller breast form.  Now, I'm a 32D (weigh 110) and I'd love to be an A or B. 

It's interesting if you walk around the mall and look at women your own age.  If you really observe you'll find that the average woman's figure isn't enhanced that much by breasts and in many cases makes them look heavier than they really are.  Large breasts actually make a woman, my age, look matronly.

I agree with others that mention that it's more important to them to look their best.  Also, after I lost my hair because of the chemo, I made a vow to myself that after I had finished, I would never take my looks for granted and would always try to look my best.  I'm also finding that it is important to me, as I get older, to continue to want to look vibrant and updated.

~elaine~

chele

I had a bilateral mastectomy Nov. 18th.  I did a lot of research and looked at a lot of reconstruction pictures.  I just didn't like the results I saw!  I really didn't want reconstruction.  My identity or sexuality was never about my boobs.  If anything at my age (47 then, 48 now) my boobs were more of a detriment to my appearance than an enhancement!  Off with them!  I don't need them for anything anyway!  All I care about is living. 

Then I went to breastfree.org and all I could think when I saw the breastless bodies was how comfortable that would be to not have to wear a bra!  I never looked back after that.  I told my surgeon I wanted a BMX with no reconstruction.  I had visions in my head of a nice flat chest, of being able to wear skimpy t-shirts in the summer, or even going topless as I work in the garden.  I even joked about the money I'd save by only needing to buy the bikini bottoms.  I had a Boob Voyage party and went to surgery glad to be getting rid of them.

Now, I realize I'm only a month out and everyone keeps saying to give it three months but I am horrified at the results of my surgery.  I don't know how the left side is going to look once the hematoma resolves itself, but the right side is a nightmare.  Not only do I have the concavity that I expected since I'm not skinny, but I also have my stitch line stuck to my chest.  In my effort to achieve full range of motion I have stretched the skin so that now I could place a pencil on my scar and the folds would hold it there.  I can't wear t-shirts or clingy fabric at all because the crease in my chest shows.  So now despite the fact I was so looking forward to being breastfree and going flat I am now considering reconstruction since I don't want to wear prosthetics all the time. 

lisa-e

Chele, you might want to see a plastic surgeon regarding scar revision. There may be a lot that can be done to improve the appearance of your scars.



I also don't like the way my scars look - the part under my arms is very thick and there is much more of a divot on the right side than on the left side. However, I am giving myself two years before I make any decision, because I was told it takes two years for scars to 'mature.' I don't know about that, but another surgery isn't something I want to rush into. I do know that my scars were still changing a lot at two months, let alone three months.

chele

lisa-e, Hi!  Thanks!  I am going to give it a couple more months to see if it fills out.  I like your timeline of two years; not a bad idea.  I think I'm too unhappy with my surgery results to wait that long though.  I'm going to wait to talk to a PS until I'm done with chemo.  I'm not the least bit interested in another surgery at all, but especially not while on chemo!  I'm neutropenic, so they wouldn't consider doing surgery on me anyway!  Maybe by some miracle it will self resolve.

baywatcher

Chele-

I am 5 years out. It doesn't change or fill out, it just heals. No recon for me. Physically I got better. Mentally, not so much. Cancer screws you up, big time.

Happy Holidays.

chele

Dang baywatcher, that's not good news.  So I'm stuck wearing baggy shirts the rest of my life to hide the deformity?  bleh.  I hope you find a way to find mental peace.  I guess I'm lucky in that respect.  The cancer I can deal with emotionally.  It's not being able to wear t-shirts that bothers me! *LOL*  I guess that's just my little way of diverting my attention from the cancer.  For every day I live, it's one more day I've cheated cancer of death.  I have no intentions of letting cancer win this game.

SusaninSF

Chele,

My Mom just wears a very comfortable slightly padded regular bra in an A cup, no forms.  That might work for you.  Not as comfortable as going braless but less of a hassle than dealing with forms or reconstruction surgery! You could even try a sports bra to cover up the scar lumpiness.

I had to have scar revision surgery because my chest looked like a wrinkled face there was so much extra skin.  I think my surgeon was thinking I would change my mind about reconstruction and want the extra skin.  I still have a kind of gully across my chest that is not pretty but it looks a lot better without all of the wrinkles. In any case, the surgery was very quick and recovery was minimal.