Death with Dignity - an oxymoron?

motheroffoursons

Death with Dignity- an oxymoron ?

One recent post was referring to dying with dignity. I believe that death (not medical assisted suicide) does not have dignity but can have much more than dignity.

I was with my father when he died of stomach cancer. He had multiple surgeries, chemo, and tubes sticking out of his body. He consistently vomited the vilest smelling bile liquid. He was doubly incontinent, could not eat, and could not walk. He was washed and cleaned by hospital staff. I did not see dignity.

I was with my mother when she died. She had no tubes, nor was she taking any medicine except a mild anti-depressant. She had some form of dementia. I think her brain was okay, but her body gave out on her. She was immobile, could not talk. Then she forgot how to swallow and how to eat. I did not think of her death with dignity even though she had no tubes connected to her body.

However, what I see in the world around me are heroic deaths. The people who have any kind of cancer, not just BC, and fight for their lives because of their families and children, these are the real heroes. Those who count their battles by the events in their lives, e.g. I made it to my daughter's wedding, now I want to see my first grandchild. These are the fighters who are really heroes. They put up with everything for the sake of their families and others. I think of Randy, the pancreatic cancer guy, who accomplished so much before his heroic death. Cancer may not grant one the ability to die with dignity, but can make an individual into a hero in my eyes.

I also see victorious deaths. I think of Amber (Sunnedazze) and her battle with IBC. Up until a few weeks before her death, she was still posting on her blog about her amazing family and her amazing faith. I think of her passing as a victory.

The passing of others affects all of us. John Donne wrote, No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent,...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind...
Some diminish me more so than others.

I hope I do not offend anyone. These are just my ramblings.

7of9

Found this post as I saw my Onc today for (thank God) a standard check up / all clear. First appointment I've been to by myself since my recurrence 2 years ago. I felt courageous but melancholy too as I brought up a friend who was diagnosed stage 4 and pretty advanced from the get go recently. I was asking him about treatment for brain mets and options I would have if I end up in this situation. He reassured me how far gamma knife has come and how I'm probably not ever going to have to worry about it. I just got this underlying feeling, like he's trying to kick the can with me down the road then just retire and not have to deal with me.

Anyhow I do fully support "Death with Dignity" laws that are passing (not in my state) and my Onc had almost the same horrified reaction that my husband had when I mentioned this. He wheeled back his stool suddenly and practically shouted at me - "Do you mean suicide? That's illegal"! I told him I know it's not legal in Ohio, but if it becomes legal, would he support that - he replied without a thought NO. Maybe he's jittery because it's a big legality issue for even talking about it? I pointed out that I was here by myself, no one is pressuring me - oh and I'm healthy so you know and it goes on record NOW that this is my wish.

I am so disappointed because now I feel/know I will have to line up another Onc if/when this rears it's ugly head again. My husband - I'm worried will just let me suffer and not respect my wishes. I'm hoping (sadly) that with time they will both come to respect my decision - if only to have this as an option. Not necessarily even go through with it. It's so hard for people to understand some of us have such a strong sense of our right to always have a choice. As the person above wrote, I do not mean to offend anyone by this, these are just my ramblings too.