If you noticed a lump on someone, would you bring it up?

navygirl

I am not sure what forum to put this in, anymore than I am sure what to do. I was recently speaking with a co-worker who, as it turns out, is a survivor of BC. While she was telling me her "story" my eyes kept going to a lump in her neck that appears to be a swollen lymph node. I make this assumption because years ago I had one in the same place and it was taken out and biopsied. I know from our conversation that she has been a survivor for 11 years and not currently under a doctors care. 

I was at a total loss for how or if I should mention this lump. I of course don't want to alarm her, but I'd hate to not say anything if this is something she should be getting checked? 

Should I mention this? If so, how do I approach the subject carefully? 

otter

navygirl, I see your post is still sitting here without a reply, so I'll tip-toe out of the woods and take a look at it...

I don't know.  Maybe if I knew the person really, really well, and we normally talked about personal things like mammograms and menstrual cramps and finding a bra that fits, well, ... maybe I'd mention the lump and ask her about it.

Probably not, though.  If it's that easy for you to see, I have to think it's that easy for her to see in the mirror and for her family members to see.  It's kind of like asking someone if she has done anything about the red, ulcerated bump on her nose; or whether she is aware that the dark black 1 cm "mole" on her upper arm could be a melanoma...

OTOH, a co-worker of mine told me a story.  Several years ago, she had mentioned to another co-worker an upcoming ultrasound exam her GYN had ordered because of a suspicious lump in her breast.  The other co-worker said, hey, yeah, I have a lump too, and I suppose I should get it checked out. 

Co-worker #1's lump was a benign nothing.  Co-worker #2 did get her lump checked out (because of that ladies' room conversation) and her lump turned out to be a very large, malignant tumor.

otter

iodine

A story: as a young, assertive nurse, I felt the need to tell my head nurse that she had halitosis.  I felt I would be doing her a favor and that she was not aware of it.  TOO BAD.

Well, not only was she aware of her chronic medical problem and in treatment for it, she was not happy that I addressed it with her.  (and I was very gentle and "helpful).

I would guess that if you can identify it she can too.  If she wears makeup, she likely sees it every day.

On the other hand (yes, there is always another hand) If you feel strongly that she has not noticed it, then by all means bring it to her attention.  (and please be gentle and helpful)  Just ask her if she has noticed it.  thats' the best any of us could do, I guess.

navygirl

Thank you ladies. I don't know this woman very well, this was actually the first time we'd spoken more than a passing hello. I'm still not sure if I'd be doing more good than harm by saying something so I think for now I'll let it be. If the opportunity presents itself for me to mention it carefully then I may, I'll just have to play it by ear I suppose.