older not wanting treatment

jsmithmay

My aunt is 82 and hid her breast cancer until it was no longer possible. She had a large tumor in her left breast and discovered it was also in her lymph nodes on both sides. The tumor had ulcerated and was very painful but she didn't want to be a burden. She had decided not to have treatment until her great-nephew was born where she suddenly changed her mind when we were with the surgeon. I was thrilled in ways but knew she would have a very tough time with treatment. The tumor was unoperable without further treatment which became 12 rounds of chemo. After her 10th round she had to be hospitalized and has not wanted to discuss additional treatments. The tumor has shrunk and may be operable but she refuses to leave the house or discuss options. She has a bad heart and has never been outgoing or atheletic and is growing weaker by the day. She suffers from major depression, memory loss (she did not have before the chemo) and seems to be very paranoid. (she swears we are withholding her medications even though they were given to her less than an hour before.) Hospice is now coming in 5 days a week but we don't know her prognosis because she refuses to go to the doctor. The nurse visits weekly, she is on prozac, darvon, warfarin, blood pressure medications and had shingles almost 2 years ago. The cancer was only discovered in the early summer and treatment stopped about 6 weeks ago. My question is basically what can I do to help her? I understand if she does not want to continue treatment because there has been no quality of life since the chemo began. What do I do next to help with the depression and the pain? Should I seek a pain management specialist? Her oncologist has not been helpful and her primary doctor had allowed a very long term addiction to tylenol 3. I want to help her and hope someone can give me direction. She has no children and I am her health care advocate but want to make the most informed decision that I can. Please help me help her.

Cowgirl13

The first thing I would do is have your aunt seen by a psychiatrist, perferably one who is addiction medicine.  Your aunt needs to be seen by a physician who specializes in psychiatry and the related medications--primary care physician is not always the best for depression and often despression can be misdiagnosed. Your aunt is so lucky to have you.  

Chevyboy

Hello sweet gal!  My fiesty Grandmother was ALWAYS a handful...until one day she had a heart-attack...Recovered from that alright, (at 81)..But somehow her mind just started to deteriorate.  I had to move her out of her beloved home, and I took her little dog, "just for awhile"...into an assisted living place....She kept getting more disoriented, & couldn't take care of herself...

BUT, she became the sweetest, most trusting little Grandma I always wanted!  She couldn't remember ANYthing about her family....just me.  So felt like she became my little girl!  I loved her dearly, I ran down the alley every day to see her, shower her, talk to her, even danced with her!

And then, everything slowly became worse & worse for her...But I was there!  I was the only one she knew!  I fed her, put leg-warmers on her....Until I finally begged the nurses at this nursing-home, to PLEASE not force her to eat...She couldn't even sit up.  I went one morning, & sure enough, they just let her stay in bed, in peace, warm, & not knowing anything.  It wasn't long....

They called & said I lost her...I ran to the home, crawled in bed with her, & held her, & talked to the Grandma I really got to know, finally....My heart was broken, but I learned to love her in a way I never would have, had she not gotten sick! 

So love your Aunt, honey.....She just can't think straight, & doesn't want to!  I think she is "In a different place" now, you just have to comfort her, & go along with what she says & wants.  They all tried to test, & RE-test my Grandma, & she didn't even know what was going on.  There comes a time, when we just have to quit putting them through so many procedures & treatments they THINK she needs. 

Just BE there for her...listen to her, & talk to her...And keep her warm & comfortable....I hope you will find peace with her & the way she is.... because she might not get better, but at least you have her today, & maybe tomorrow, & maybe for a long time.  Just love her with all your heart...Bless you...I know how you feel...Jeannette

Tripleneg65

I'm a newbie here but have lots of experience with elderly loved ones, and just am experiencing breast cancer for myself. I am a grandma too! Your grandma is so special and requires a relationship that will support her in her "end of life" experience.  We don't come into this world with our priorities in place, but she needs to be able to maneuver her exit the way she wants, with grace and peace. Give her the opportunity to quietly make her peace and be comfortable. She had had 82 wonderful years of living and loving all of you, and she is ready to move on. Hospice is wonderful at assisting with this process. If they are not available, there are many people who can help. She will give you the greatest gift by showing you how honorable she is, and allow you to be a part of her passing.

aphyasst

bring he great nephew around to visit several times. It was what motivated her to want treatment to begin with. Seeing a baby may perk her up. It worked for my mother-in -law when she had dimentia. It alsom perks my mother up with dimentia. I hope this may hope. You should receive acalades for taking on the care of your aunt.