Why Can't I Get Back to Living?

micheled

Why Can't I Get Back to Living?

micheled

Two years ago I finished aggressive chemo and radiation for early breast cancer. I'm still not healthy, and I can't understand why not.

Just before my diagnosis, I had lost 30 pounds following 7 months of a doctor-supervised liquid diet, I was exercising hard and regularly and felt great. I was able to maintain my weight loss all throughout treatment, and was proud of myself. However, after treatment was over, I just couldn't get my energy back and three months later became very ill with diverticulitis, which I had never had before treatment. I expected that once treated for that, I'd be able to get back into the swing of life again, but ended up gaining back 25 pounds and drinking too much (something new for me), mostly alone. I drank when I felt unwell, and wellness just never happened.

I bounce between a sinus infection and diverticulitis, again and again, until at this point, I'm either getting over something or coming down with something, with rarely a week of health inbetween! I even had sinus surgery earlier this year in hopes of achieving some long-term health, but still the infections.

I'm currently on Arimidex, following a year and a half of Tamoxifen. My labs are good, no signs of cancer, and I don't catch colds and such. My stress level is low, and my life is pretty undemanding. I quit drinking about a month ago. I have some depression, mainly caused by fact that I'm so restricted in my life by constant illness! I'm a positive person and I pick myself up after every illness and try again to get back into exercise and getting out of the house, but then I just get knocked down again with another infection.

I'm supposed to have a new lease on life, right? Why can't I get back to living? Am I alone in this?

 

iodine

A huge! congratulations for quitting booze, I think I understand a little about how hard it is too loose a crutch.

How would you feel about calling and asking you onc for a referral to a good counselor?  The  counseler could also make recommendations for an antidepressant med for you.  At least you would be PROactive.

depression, weight gain, reduction of your system to fight off disease is not uncommon.  As you well know, when you build yourself back up, you can often improve your condition. (either that or your bones and joints hurt so much from working out, you don't think about the other stuff.  LOL, sorry, I am making a joke----but not about you and the things that are truly getting you down.)

I do hope you will continue to visit here and other parts of the boards and find and give support.

You will learn a lot here, and the tips and support are just amazing.  So glad you found us, and so sorry you had to.

Hugs

micheled

Thank you, I'm honestly surprised to have received such a warm and understanding reply. Perhaps I'm not the only one in these circumstances.

I have been seeing a good counselor for a year now, and am on antidepressants. We both feel I'm mentally healthy, just struggling for strength. It's so hard to convey the experience of treatment and resulting body changes to someone who has never been through it. I suppose treatment itself is a trauma, and not often enough recognized as such.

Thank you again.

Merilee

Just getting the diagnosis is a trauma let alone the treatments. Perhaps you can talk to your counselor about PTSD treatments. Just a thought.

Hugs

Merilee

dreamwriter

I agree, I think your get up and go - got up and went.  And anti depressants are a good substitute.  Once you are feeling better, you will continue to make healthy choices and that will help you lose those pounds again.  When you get down, you sit down or lie down and eat eat eat.  So take the pill, sit up and get up.  Your decision to get rid of the booze.... great.  You didnt say you smoked so you are almost perfect.  Bet you are pretty too.  Go show the world...

It all starts with telling your doctor.... and making sure he understands how serious it is.

micheled

Thank you for the good ideas. I do eat well, whole foods, olive oil, mainly vegetarian. Thank you for reminding me about the part alcohol can play in all this. Sudden menopause has given me an unfamiliar body, and my downfall is not exercising. I am seeing an endocrinologist and we're working to get my hypo-thyroid functioning optimally.

Any time I've mentioned this to my oncologist, he gives me platitudes. Afterall, I'm one of the lucky ones, especially from his perspective (I'm guessing).

Is it common for women increase/begin drinking following treatment? I knew darned well that it wasn't good for BC, but it felt like my only choice at the time.

SoCalLisa

Michele..you are doing all the right things now...

I slowly got back in the swing of things by finding volunteer work that was very flexible

one day at a time....

Gitane

Michele,  Something that helps me is SLEEP.  I hope that doesn't sound too lame.  Since treatment I sleep more than I did before.  My body just needs it.  Alcohol and AI's interfere with our sleep.  In my opinion, the job that was done on our bodies by the trauma and treatments requires extra sleep for years to heal.  I also think increasing sleep can lead to  weight loss.  Another thing that has helped me is to stop "doing" and just "be".  That, too, may sound lame, but I give myself permission to not be on top of it all.  I just satisfy myself with not doing as much as I did before.  I found that the world gets by just as well without all my extra efforts.  Gee whiz.  I am so impressed that you are seeking out good specialists.  Oncologists do see things from their own perspective.

micheled

It's amazing how you all seem to read my mind. I'm looking into volunteering with an Adult Literacy program once I can predict my health a bit better. And yes, sleep! That's been difficult for me all my life, and moreso now.  Yes, and I am sleeping much better since quitting drinking! I may need to start having a catnap in the afternoon, good advice.

So much kindness and wisdom here! Thank you for sticking around to guide a stumbling sister. I hope I can do the same for you someday.

Mantra

I had a very difficult time after receiving wonderful news from my surgeon. My mastectomy came back all dcis with clear margins. I thought I'd be dancing from the roof. Instead, I found my crying and sad and for the life of me I could understand why. After spending a lot of time trying to understand what I thought to be an odd reaction, it finally clicked. I was declared physically healthy   , , however, the cancer had affected me not only physically, but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It was a complete mind/body/soul thing. So now that I was cleared physically, I had to heal myself spiritually and mentally. I have found that once I was able to accept the disease had affected me spiritually, mentally and emotionally  . ..  I was able to deal with all aspects of it and feel very fortunate to have had people in my life help me through this.