REALLY having trouble moving beyond

GracieM2007

Anyone else?  I'm two years out, diagnosed in April 2007, and I am still just so danged scared about most of the time.  I'm kind of depressed right now too, a year after my mastectomy, my husband had a massive heart attack and can't work now, and I can't work due to Lupus, and we've gone completely through his retirement, and there's nothing left.

 Anyone else? 

Jorf

What a damn thing, huh? I had a couple of big traumatic things close in timing after my cancer (3 years ago). Last winter I was a mess. A talk with a good friend told me this: I was (and still catch myself) waiting for the next shoe to drop, for the next rug to be pulled out from under me. There didn't seem to be any firm ground, anything or anyone I could depend on. I focused on everything with the dread of loss. I clung to eating well and exercising. I was exhausted.

I don't know, it was just having that realization that spun me out of it - for the most part. I'm still far more wary than I ever was. I hate listening to the answering machine or going to the post office. It's all like going to the principal's office. And I'm much slower to make plans like the dentist or a haircut. And I still can't quite believe that I will be going to Brazil next week (one trip was cancelled when I realized, oops: cancer!).

Gracie, it's a process. Sometimes sh!t happens and it comes in bunches. However you got through your treatment (for me it was, "one step at a time") will get you through all the rest of it. You are strong enough, I'm sure (or you wouldn't even have written here).

I'm rooting for you.

lexislove

Gracie, 3 months after completing rads my dear grandfather passed. I wasdevastated. He passed Sep 4 2008 and when his death anniversary happened this year I was a wreck.

He was 85, and when I was diagnosed at 30 he cried that it should have been him who had the cancer diagnosis NOT me. I have never seen this man cry before. A War veteran, abondoned by his mother at 6 and sent to an orphange to be raised by nuns. He was stern but with such a big heart. I miss him so much, but he is breathing free now ( he had heart disease and fluid built up around his heart..ect..ect. )

Basically be gentle with yourself, time....its been 2 years for me as well. Its hard to come on the boards and see recurrences and death. The news on the boards have been bleak.

I was discussing with another board member about leaving the boards myself. Like I said, its been 2 years when do you say thats it? Sometimes a board break is good, maybe keeping up with friends made here through something like Facebook or email would be good.

Sorry if I just ranted, but I'm kinda in the same situation as yourself, just haven't figured out my path yet..

Be well.

iodine

Aww, Gracie, I am so sorry you are in this prediciment.  I just wrote a long post and lost it, so I'll try again:

Please try to contact your social security office for application for disability, if you haven't already.  Also try the health dept social worker for an appt to determine your elibility for other services: food stamps, mammo, etc.

If a doc wants a test or procedure: make sure s/he explains exactly what he expects to do with the findings.  Don't just get a procedure to confirm a diagnosis or what ever.  Let the docs know your financial status and that you have to be careful with prescritptions as well as any labs or procedures.

Other than that, please come back here---2 years out is not all that long.  If you are reading only the sad things here, you may consider a break, but if you are getting the support you need, and helping the newbies with your up to date knowledge, try to stay  and let us hang with you.

My heart goes out to you.