When the Walls Fell!

ceciliastix

Hi Everyone!

I wanted to share my story with all of you, I hope it helps you and me.  I am 51 years old.  I was born with spina bifida which has given me a great deal of experience with hospitals and doctors and surgeries and so on.  I am the youngest of five so any self pity was frowned upon in my family.  Thank God!  I have a son who is 21 years old.  All in all, I have had a really good life.  I always push myself because from the beginning, having a true life with all its ups and downs was my goal. 

I was recently diagnosed with three kinds of breast cancer in one breast, DCIS, LCIS and DC invasive.  I did not react like most women do, initially.  I kept saying to myself and others, "I can handle this!"  I was wrong!  It took longer for the depression to rear its ugly head, but when it did, I felt completely shut down and powerless to do anything about it.  I live with my cousin, Dan in FL after about three weeks of vegetating in front of the TV from morning until night, he came to me and said, "Something is wrong.  This is not you.  Now, I am going to give you a little bit more time, but then I am going to stick my foot up your ass, and if that does not work, you need to call a doctor."  The next day I call my doctor.  Because my cancers are responsive to progesterone and estrogen (oh, and by the way, I am also perimenopausal.) I could not be treated hormonally.  My doctor prescribed an antidepressant and something for anxiety the latter to be taken only on occasion. At the time of that visit to the doctor, I was crying my eyes out.  My doctor stepped into the room and was smiling.  She said, "Cecilia, I think you are amazing, but to be honest with you, all of us expected this reaction on your last visit.  This is perfectly normal."  She continued, "The reason, I think, it took longer for you is because you have amazing coping skills.  You built a wall around yourself, but it just got too overwhelming and the walls began to crumble.  You are allowed to be angry.  You are allowed to be sad; and though we cannot treat this hormonallly, we can treat it with antidepressants.  You are fine!" 

Well, I am about a month and a half into taking the antidepressant and I feel like me again!  So, some advice for all of you struggling with this debilitating process.  When and if you feel at a loss to know what is happening to you, visit your doctor.  Antidepressants do not have to be the solution forever, but everyone needs a little help sometimes.  Be good to yourselves.  Treat yourself the same way you would treat someone you love with all of your heart.  Hope is a Godsend.  Have a wonderful day!

barbe1958

Cecilia, I too, am 51, but was fortunate enough to be on depressants before my diagnosis! I am a big advocate of them, as we have so much to deal with every day and it does get overwhelming. I am also lucky that I have to go to work each day, so that keeps the focus away from looking inside myself. I do that on the hour drive down and the back home again. That is my only pity time. I even pick songs to play at my funeral and plan things like that! Once out of my car, it all drops away.