How do you cope?

rji35

Just wondering how you cope with being high risk women?

 I'm 35 and 3 years ago found a lump, which luckly was not cancer. Last week i found another lump, went to doctors to be told i actually have 3 lumps (2 in one breast i didn't feel). I'm now wanting for a hospital appointment within the next 2 weeks.  I'm just a mess, my husband is in Afgan so i don't want to tell him and worry him, i don't want to tell my family as they went to pieces last time - my mother died at 45 after having breast cancer twice, my gran had breast cancer, and on my mothers side there has been another 5 women with breast cancer. I have had been seen by a genetic consultant and was going to start mammography from 35 anyway.

I have 3 little ones under 6 years and everytime i look at them i just start crying. When my mother died my little brother was only  9 months older than my oldest.

How do you cope?   

LRM216

rji:

I'm not sure I am coping.  I still have a very difficult time with this cancer.  I think I am a good description of that saying "fake it until you make it."  Some days are ok, some are horrid.  I am sorry you are going through what you are, but I really think you need to share your thought, even if it's just here.  You can't protect everyone else, and carry all your fears and what you are going through on just your own shoulders.  We are here for you 24/7.  Others will be along shortly to address your post and feelings as well.  Just hang in there.  I feel with my triple neg diagnose that no matter what I do or think, I will always be high risk and it's really tough living with that.  I hope with more time under my belt that I can learn to "cope" with this better than I am at the present.  God bless and keep me posted please on what happens with your tests.  I pray all will be b9.

Hugs,

Linda 

LottiD

I'm 38 and I was in your situation in May while my husband was in Afghanistan.  It's like when your husband first deploys- you cry a lot and get nervous, but I think you cope because you just have too.  BRCA also runs in my family- my grandmother died from it, and her son (my uncle) had it twice.  I still have my mother, but we both feel like we have ticking time bombs in our body and fear we will get breast cancer.  I was tested for the BRCA 1&2 genes two years ago and luckily I'm negative.  Found a lump in May- had a core biopsy which showed ADH, and a wide area excision of the lump which showed more evidence of ADH.  Through it all I told my friends about my situation- they were a great support, even just to let me worry and cry.  I told my mom and dad- they were so worried and it was hard to tell them bc I knew my mom would be upset- but they are my family and they would have been more upset if I didn't tell them.  I also prayed a lot!  At first I wanted to keep the news from my husband bc I didn't want to distract him from his job while in a war zone.  However I ended up telling him bc I knew he would be upset when he found out I was trying to be "strong"- and went through surgery without his knowledge.  It's those "sickness and health" promises we made to each other many years ago.  I can't tell you the right answer- this is just how I coped through my ordeal.  I'll keep you in my prayers. 

lls

I am sorry that you are going through this bad time.  I know that sometimes it is not easy to open up to others, we don't want to cause anyone to worry.  I have a condition called lobular carcinoma in situ (LCIS) which puts me at higher risk for an invasive cancer.  I was diagnosed 5 years ago.  I still have stressful and worrisome times....a lot of them.  I cope by sharing my worries with my best friend.  She has been with me through thick and thin.  I found that when "the load" is shared, it is lightened a bit off of my shoulders.  All of us on this site are strangers to each other, but we do  understand the fear and worry that you are going through.  Feel free to vent and share with us if you like.  And if all else fails, I throw myself into a new creative project.  Doing something  that I enjoy seems to help take my mind off of my worries.

Chrisrx

Good information in here. My wife may have breast cancer now so I am reviewing this website. Can anyone point me in the right direction?

Morgan513

I cope by trying to do everything within my own power to stay cancer free.  I exercise, I try to eat right (low fat), and destress.  I'm tri-neg so there isn't much else I can do but from everything I read these things I do should decrease my risk of recurrence.  I also joined the ibandronate study.  IMHO, every little thing helps.

I also see a therapist every few weeks.  She helps me work through my anger, fears, and joys.  I would recommend that everyone seek a therapist (one trained to help bc patients).  I can share with her things I can't share with my family.

Lorrie