MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

elimar86861

lostinmo,  Can't remember if you have posted here or if you screen name is familiar to me from other threads.  Anyway, hello!  So, are you in the midst of chemo now?  How is that going for you?   It does help to have supportive family, although you have my sympathy having a teen boy poised on the "rebellion years."  I barely survived. 

mstrouble16,   Welcome!  Yes, I just passed the midway point with Tamox.  I guess you do get used to it.  Now this is where I say do not be influenced by anything I do or say, because I would hate to think my disregard for protocol messed up anyone else.  For about the last 8 mos. I have been taking only 15mg. daily.  If I take more, I get the "head trapped in a sauna" hot flashes and I want to quit the Tamox entirely.  On 15mg., I still feel the flashes, so it must be doing something; but I  can get through a night without waking up feeling like a roast turkey.  My doc knows all about it.  He doesn't like it, but would rather me take something than quit.  Again, I say all this not to sway anyone else, but to factually report what I am going thru'.  I have the blurred vision too, but I can't be sure that is not part of the middle-aged deal that has made me have Walgreen's reading glasses throughout the house.  I have joint & spine pain also and it seems a little worse since starting the Tamox., but that could be degenerative arthritis, which I know is in there as well.  Mood swings?  Yes, but nothing terrible.  I figured I would have had those as a part of menopause anyway, so moot point.  Back to your spine...did you mention your tail bone pain to a doc or chiropractor?  If it stays at the serious pain level for weeks at a time, definitely rule out spine damage (like hairline fracture or nerve pinch.)   I always warn women that mentioning bone pain to a MO will probably get you a bone scan so quick your head will spin, but even that can be a good thing rather than to worry about persistent pain being something to do with B/C.

I don't know your age.  The saddness is probably a bundle of all things middle-aged, with B/C and the meds thrown on top.  Here's my opionion (humble, yet blurt in your face opinion):  Being sad all the time is NOT FUN and sometimes conquerable with self-control...where you just will yourself not to be mopey.  Try real hard.  If this does not work at all, it could be actual clinical depression.  I don't mean in a mental health kind of way, but more in your body chemistry could be thrown off and not making enough of something or too much of something else.  There is no harm or shame to get help from some meds.  Heaven knows there are enough of them out there; but try to lift the moodiness in all other ways first.  (I know taking a vacation did me a world of good!!!!)

All that said, I think that most early-stagers DO have the potential to emerge on the other side of their B/C and actually feel better than before, with just a wee bit of effort.  It is a mental battle, but what plays an enormous part is getting in better shape physically.   You will feel your energy return, and if you push your body a little, you will feel it become stronger.  My body is in it's 40's.  I'm not.  I can say all of this to you because I am an average person.  Nothing special at all.  (O.K., quirky brain, but we are not on that subject!)   I'm average, and B/C had me down for a good year or more, but then I started to come back.  I didn't want "new normal" unless I could try and make it "bette normal," and I am stubborn.

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Ladies with higher stages, I know most of the comments I just wrote do not fit your situation.  You face enormous mental, emotional, and physical battles.  I feel like small potatoes in comparison.  Al I can do is encourage late-stagers to not lay down for their B/C and let it direct their lives.  The more self-directed, non-cancery things you are able to have in your life, I think the better you will feel.  That is just what I get as an observer around here.  I know I am limited in my perspective, so anyone is free to have their own different perspective, whether it makes me seem like a knucklehead or not.

Anonymous

You are so wise, Elimar! I love what and how you write.....always look forward to your postings!

Jeannie57

Elmira, you are such a good writer! You express yourself clearly, thoroughly, with humor thrown in.

I am going through chemo and getting more and more tired but am trying to take walks, at least. I feel like I am quickly getting out of shape. It's so hard to move when you're tired. Mind over matter, I guess.

Momine

Elimar, what you say makes a lot of sense. Several months ago, my onc was basically trying to tell me that I was being too antsy, because I insisted on PT for mild lymphedema and because I wore my compression sleeve through all the treatment and after (PT's advice to do so). 

I thought about it today because I visited the PT for follow-up and we were talking about these things. I am not content to sit around and wait until I have a huge problem, that I then have to spend a lot of effort dealing with or else just suck up. I am also not content to just shrug and "live with" all kinds of problems IF there is something I can do about it.

Yeah, I had breast cancer and I lost a couple of body parts and stuff, but my expectations are still high in terms of how I want to feel and live. 

prayrv

Afternoon Middies!  I am mostly a lurker now - but do have email notification on every post on this thread so I can keep up daily.  Good news for me.  I had my onc appt today - I am to officially to stop taking Arimidex this coming December. I did 3 years of tamox and will finish up 2 years of Arimidex (total 5 years on an anti-hormonal). I am now on the yearly follow up plan!!!! 5 year cancerversary celebration to commence today!

Hugs to all!

Trish

Sherryc

Trish congrats on your 5 year cancerversary, what  milestone. Go out and celebrate.

elimar86861

Thanks for your flattering endorsements, ladies, so refreshing when the prevailing thought around my home is, "Isn't mom dumb as a post?" 

Here's one of my favorite quotations, one that I have thought of almost daily over the last eight years, substituting "mom" for "father" & "the old man":

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."  ~ Mark Twain

prayrv,  Happy 5-year Cancerversary!  Hope you whoop it up in style.        

Dianarose

Elimar- I love the quote. My 13 yr old told me just today that he was smarter than me. Given my chemo brain lately he could be on to something.

I made 20 jars of strawberry jam. So yummy.

prayrv- Happy 5 yrs

Sherryc- how are you doing with the expanders and when do you go for your exchange?

Paula66

Congrats prayrv!!!!  Five years and going strong!!!  Heres to many many more!!!!

Jeannie57

Yay, prayrv! You give me hope that I'll be there someday! Celebrations!



Elimar, sorry for the misspelling of your name earlier. Autocorrect on this phone is driving me batty, but if I turn it off, I am worse than it is!!

odie16

Congrats prayrv! What a milestone!! Hope you were able to truly celebrate today!

cmbear

Trisha,

Five years ! Wow! Sounds like a good reason to have a party!

Anonymous

Congrats, Trisha!!! It's good to hear from those on the other side of this journey and doing well!

Momine

Blech! My neighbor just became stage IV. It is not BC. He had a cancer on his tongue, had it operated and then chickened out of doing anything further. He even refused a CT-scan back then, out of fear. I was going through treatment at the time, and I tried to convince him, as gently as possible, to do at least the scan. 

He just stopped me now, almost a year later. He has another tumor and will start chemo next week. 

barsco1963

prayrv - congrats on 5 yrs!!! Dance, dance, dance.

Dianarose - homemade strawberry jam? What a treat!

Momine - sorry to hear about your neighbour. Hoping that chemo will blast the tumor yet be gentle on him.

elimar86861

Momine, Mouth cancer seems aggressive, from all I have heard.  He probably was Stage IV even at the time he refused the scan, but maybe not.  Can't go back now. I hope your neighbor does well on chemo. Is his speech affected?

Your post put this thought into my head:  Which is worse, to have a cancer that is not apparent to others, or one that is?  

Momine

Yes, he may well have had mets already. I don't know, just feel bad for the guy. So far his speech seems ok.

As for your question, beats me, lol. 

mumito

5 years congrats Prayrv.Good to hear good news for a change. I am up north visiting with my aged parents(80's)The system is set up very good here.Homecare nurses come in on weekdays to help with bathing safely and to check up on their safety and diet issues.I think it is time for assisted living arrangements but my father will not even discuss the issue.Change never comes easy when your in your 80'sI hate that we live so far away.

Jeannie57

Minitower, my parents are 86 and can't bring themselves to move into senior housing, either. They don't have any help other than a lady who cleans house. My mom's short-term memory is pretty much gone. They live 800 miles away from me. Telephone calls are so confusing--my dad can't talk clearly as a result of a stroke and my mom talks in circles as she can't remember what she's said. I love and respect them but it sure requires patience! I bet a lot of us are in this situation.

Jeannie57

NO! Not miniflower! What the heck, autocorrect! I typed Mumito!

elimar86861

jeannie57,  Your autocorrect is hilarious!  Signed, Elmira & Minitower. 

Eph3_12

Elmira, any relation to Elvira-queen of the night?

Anonymous

Momine: sorry to hear of your neighbor....hugs to you and to him!



Elimar: beats me which is worse....it all sucks!

Sherryc

I had my last fill this morning and I am looking huge.  I will have my exchange mid august but don't have the date yet.

mumito my in-laws are in the 80's and still living at home.  They do have a housekeeper, lawn guy and someone to come and bath my FIL.  Three years ago we made them move here because they were too far away from family and we where the closest but 3 1/2 hours away.  Could not keep burning up the highway with me and DH still working full time.

Momine so sorry to hear about your neighbor.

I am asking for prayers for my Aunt she has been battling stage IV pancreatic cancer and has a bowel obstruction.  They are doing surgery today and her MO is not sure she is strong enough to make it through the surgery, but she said she would rather die on the table knowing she had tried.  If she makes it through the surgery she will be going home on hospice and MO thinks she has about three weeks. She has kept her sense of humor has she has a NG tub and she said she did not want to go home with it in in case anyone came by to see her. She has  the same MO that I have and I am so glad that she has him.  He has been so wonderful with her.

Anonymous

Sherry: I'm praying for your aunt! God bless you both!

Eph3_12

Sherry, so sorry!

OK-I'm sitting here at work, typing away with Cheeto dust everywhere as I think I was visited by Elmira - queen of the unspoken-

Damn they're good! 

mumito

Lol Joni.((hugs))

cmbear

Sherry--I am sending all the positive thoughts I can for your Aunt. She sounds like such a trooper.

Momine-sorry to hear of your neighbor--i think some people are so afraid of docs and hospitals that they don't go till its too late. My grandmother was like that--didn't go to a hopital till she was 72.

 

And EPH---admit it you have a problem!! That looks like a lot more than cheeto dust!! 

barsco1963

Sherry - Sending prayers for your aunt.  

elimar86861

LOL, Eph!     Elmira, queen of the mid-afternoon (snack,) sprinkling orange dust wherever she goes.