newbie

cinderella_1950

Hello Everyone:

I'm new here. I've been looking for a good site dealing with breast cancer and this is the first one I've found.  I am 59 and I lost my left breast to cancer a year and a half ago. I am now considering having my right breast removed. My oncologist is trying to discourage me from doing this...he said this should be the last resort.  However, I have been doing a lot of thinking on this and I still want the surgery done. I have cancelled one already. 

 My husband of 36 yrs. of marriage left me before I had this. He moved in with a  much younger woman (our oldest son's age), with 5 children. He is presently 62 yrs. old going on 16, if you know what I mean.  I still love him so much!  It's hard not to after living with him for 36 years, and we were engaged for 2 years before we married.  We have 3 grown children, 1 girl and 2 boys..all married and on their own with their own children.  I have 5 grandchildren.  I find it SO hard to live on my own, especially after the chemo, etc.. no one was here to help me, so I basically fended for myself, no matter how I felt.  I also have 9 siblings who didn't even to bother to call me to ask how I am.  So, I have learned to do things by myself.  I get lonely at times, but I am "positive" that I would never marry again.

I feel I would feel safer to have my other breast removed, as I'm from a high-risk family.  My mom lost a breast to cancer, and her sister (my aunt), and their mom lost both breasts!  I wanted both removed when I had the other one done, but the surgeon wouldn't do it as he said it would have been quite painful for me...but now I wish I did have it done!

I am faily big in that area, and I feel SO lopsided.  I would prefer to be flat on both sides than have to wear a fake one on one side (and it always comes out lopsided).  I do not have a special bra or anything.  I just wear the one I stuff with cotton, and I pin it in my regular bra...and it is SO uncomfortable.  I can harldy wait to get it off at night, but also, it's uncomfortable to have my other breast "dangling"...haha...ain't that the truth, eh? 

I would like to hear from others.  My sisters also convinced me not to have it done.  I feel alone...but this is my God given body. I am tired ot making decisions to make others happy... so I think it's about time to please "me" a bit.  I  have not thought about reconstructive surgery, but my family doc has referred me to one, but I'm sure I won't get to see him anytime soon.... the waiting list must be a mile long!

I just want to be "comfortable" and look decent wearinig clothes.  I don't care what I look like naked as no one will see me! 

Please, may some of you reply and tell me some of your experiences? Should I have this done?  Am I being selfish?

Thank you!  I so look forward to hearing from anyone!! 

God bless..

Char/Cinderella