I Don't have a chance

Ter

Im not sure if I told you, but through all these years from my first diag in 11-04 I had been on methadone for the pain for my fibromyalgia...findng out NOW that shoud NOT have been one to take, even though I am allergic to most all pain meds.  About 4 months after my teeth on top started crumbling and having lots of problems, I had to have the top all removed..so be it.  I delt with it. Then all my other stuff of 2 masct one year after diag in 04 and the other Nov 05, then 06 the hip and mets.  Well now with each bringing me NEW problems my onc and reg dr have said to go see my dentist, and I fear the dentist more than having a masctomy.  yes its that bad.  Well my cousin here in town, she was an RBN her whole life til retirement, I think Ive told you she has been my guardian angel, making sure I make my appts etc, and she gets me there, and i have her go back with me as she takes good notes, as Im so busy listening I dont have it in me to write.  Well I have an other angel in my family which has shrunk so much, but has offered to cover all expense at redoing the top portion, as its so big, as this one i cant eat and thats the reason i have lost so much weight.  They "the top ones" will be fitted perfectly, and this dentist was referred by my own dentist as he said "you need someone who can work on extreme problem mouths", and thats me.  On the bottom I am having 2 inplants, as the top one they made me gag going so far back, and each time I yawned they popped out, very embarrassing.  But being this dentist is top of the line I really trust him, as he said not only will these top ones not have the back tooth on both sides not there, and work on the bottoms as only 2 implants will do just fine. 

I have already seen the surgeon, who is the best, as i had him before, so my cousin and i went there for the consultation, and the Xray the other dentist gave me that Xray, and the surgeon was happy with it and said I shouldntl have any problems when they drill the holes in my bones.  Geezo meezo, this all sounds so gross...BUT the dentist wrote on the form of referral, and I couldnt read all of it as he has sloppy handwriting, but the surgeon knew exactly what he was saying....He saw something he wasn't to sure of but wanted the surgeon to make sure he does it...He wants him to do 2 biopsies, and i know exactly which ones as they pound and hurt all the time, and its not like a toothache, they are the ones that broke off, and there are 4 of them in the bottom(just in front) thats all i have in my mouth besides the top denture, and as soon as i get home if im out i put it in my pocket as it hurts so bad.  Don't I have enough on my plate ??????  I cant wait til all this is done, as then If it goes well as it takes apx 5-6 months for my mouth to heal, and shrink then they will do a final empression, and if during these months all is going well I am starting due to my cousin as she has fibro and plently of other things wrong, but is taking care of me, and she went thru this physical therapy with water only, and said she felt so good afterwards.  So Im looking forward to this, the only thing bad would be that the left foot and my RSD as I cant do baths too dangerous and slipery, and even showers and i have saftey bars but I hang on for dear life, but the water is still warm/hot and when i get out my left foot is so red, then automatically purple/blue, then black, and i have to try to rush to get in bed with my foot up.

I had to tell you all this and i know you dont have to tell me, I ramble...so what, if thats the only thing bad i do then tough poo poo!  LOL  I just wanted to let you know where Im at besides hurting so bad in the left hip,.....ok ok I lied, I lied I hurt all over, too bad so sad.

I will keep you updated on all this, right now its the "paperwork" crud the surgeon wants from the doctors stating its ok for me to have this surgery...I am not going to be knocked out, as the surgeon said, i asked if its going to be like last time and he said yes, which is good as he calls that his "twilight" NOT being knocked out..being knocked out is going to hospital or surgery center, which I wont have to go to..

hey im tired and im sure your tired of reading my stuff here.

thanks for listening, thru my errors etc...but i think most of you know me by now and how I write.

Thanks again

lots of hugs

Terthats going to be my smile some day...as my whole life i had perfect teeth, straight and white and now this!  oh well

Leah_S

Ter, so sorry you're going through all this.

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Leah

leaf

Big hugs, Ter.

dreamwriter

I have never had perfect teeth, which always affected my smile.  Now I dont care, I have enough to smile about.

JeninMichigan

Ter

I am sorry. Doesn't it suck what this disease ends up doing to us?   You get bald, fat or horribly skinny.   Rashes, bad nails, no energy, no boobs, scars, garbage tasting mouth, etc, etc.   And then to top it off, you losing your teeth.  That is just a b#tch and you have every right to be mad and fustrated.    I have perfect teeth and I would be kicking if I lost them.  I just went to finally get my hair colored today and my hairdresser and I were talking about the day she cut off all my hair once it started falling out.    She said there was nothing she could say to make it better.  I had long beautiful blond hair all my life and it was all going to change.  So, there is nothing I can say to you to make it better... sure wish I could.    All I can say is I sympathize with you.   I am sorry.   It is unfair that you should have to go through it all.    You will continue surprise yourself with what you can endure.    God bless you through it.  Will keep you in my prayers.

(((((hugs)))

Jennifer

Fitztwins

Hang in my dear friend.

xo

Janis

Jaybird627

Ter, ya know, you still seem so full of piss and vinegar (that would be a compliment!) that you'll get through this, too! Keep smiling and soon you'll have that big, beautiful smile back in/on your face! 

Hugs,

Janis

(and Avery)

manos

Damn, I am so sorry. Like Jaybird said you are full of it and you can handle anything. Remember what does not kill us makes us stronger. HANG ON>

Isabella4

Ter...hang on in there.

How ya doing ??

Isabella.

SavannahGirl

(((Ter)))

 Hang in there hon, you sound like a fighter and I'm pulling for you.

heatherpalmerton

Ter I just saw this. When this is all done and you have your beautiful teeth in place. All will be good and then you can eat and enjoy. Let us know  asap. Good luck Heather

Ter

Thanks so much, and no things have not gotten any better, have had to look at these 4 walls for so long, andto live w/this oink oink of a son Ive got, I just dont have the energy to make waves to tell him to pick up all his stuff in every room of the house..As he knows how to push my buttons "kindly"..as things use to make me shake, and panic if things were not picked up, NOW he has his clothes all over every rooom in the house, front bath room "guest" is a mess, he uses that, but I have to make up excuses to my friends and family for not coming by to visit, and boy i could really use some good visits..as driving on dilliaudid I dont do...., the door stays closed, and long ago I use to get really ticked, but all that did was make me take a higher dose of xanax, and now Ive got it down to 1/2 mg. on my own, and proud of that, as  I have learned from my sis that unless you can handle "wave making" arguing etc, let it go....so i stay in my room, and yea im sick, but on a day id like to at least lay on sofa in living room, I cant as i am NOT going to clean and pick it up just to rest..its that way w/eating, I am not going to clean the kitchen which last time like last week I cooked a meal that would last a few days, and cleaned up.....he ate a bit, said it gets stuck between his teeth, SH##! it was macaroni and beef (round steak) cut in tiny pieces and cooked in spices and water for 2 hours so i could chew it..but damn I am not going to clean the kitchen each time i want to eat something even easy like tuna sandwich.   Am I wrong for not wanting to clean up, so i can eat, clean up his messes? So again Im getting skinny and trying not to dehydrate...thank G*d I have a tiny CLEAN bathroom off my room I get my water from.

Let me know if i have reasons to want to scream and yell, but my nerves cannot handle that per my health.   I have cuts from little things on my arms, i have thin skin and any little nick etc, totally tear my skin off, and it takes for ever to bandage it, as bandaids and i dont get along, im allergic to them..so i have a long process to each little one, and the waiting of healing takes forever.

Yes I want to run away forever, Id even be happy to see my mom, but they have a big sign if your sick w/flu, cough etc please dont visit your friends and family..and i miss my mom so much....

life sucks and hasnt stopped, any suggestions, ideas?

thanks, and sorry for Bit##@@8ing and miss spelled words, and my grammer is probably bad.

hugs

Ter

MsBliss

Honey, b*tch all you want to!  You certainly have reason!  It is a glimpse of your life that you share with us and the way you write, well, it is very interesting!  Sure, grammar is off a little, but you have a gift for gab!  Sorry about your messy son....you are not wrong to want to have a clean kitchen to prepare your food and not have to constantly clean up after him.  He should be more considerate of your needs and mental peace...stop being such an inconsiderate person, but it is never that easy. 

If you could get some good nutrition I bet your skin wouldn't be so tender.  I hope that you will be more comfortable with eating good food very soon.

CapeBretongirl

Hi Ter;  MsBliss is right, you do have the gift to gab.  Good for you!  Keep coming back and rant all you want.  We are here for you.   How old is your son?  Is he old enough to live on his own? 

Don't worry about your spelling and grammar,  we are all in the same boat  By the way, if I was given dime for every time I've wanted to run away, I'd be a very rich boobless lady, by now.       Angel 

junie

Ter--big hugggssss--have followed your posts for a long time.   You have had a lot "on your plate" forever.   You always bounce back.   You can deal with the teeth thing   Situation with son may take a bit of fine tuning, but you'll figure it out.    Hang in there!!!

gentle hugggssssss!!!

kbugmom

Ter thanking of you today. I am not sure how old your son is but sounds like old enough to know and do better. I say pick up his clothes throw in trash and see if he cleans em. Yes I said trash. How dare anyone treat you with so lil thought. Vent honey all you want. But lay down the law it is your home not a trash dump. Then have someone over. My house is lived in not dirty. I dont sweat the small stuff.  God bless cheering you on .

deborye

Good thing I live on the other side of the US.  I would come over and ream him a new one.