Just Diagnosed and Scared

mkk050709

I am 29 years old and was just diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  I just had my 3rd baby and I detected a lump in my breast while I was breast feeding.  I have not even seen my oncologist yet, but the surgeon wants to go ahead and remove both breasts before treatment.  I am scared and just feel numb right now.  I have a biopsy of this site done about 2 weeks ago and it came back negative for malignancy.  The surgeon wasn't satisfied and did an incisional biopsy and removed about half of the mass.  It came back as cancer.  I am so confused right now and scared to death for my 3 kids.  I feel like I have been given a death sentence.  I know I have to figure out how to leave each day to the fullest, but how do you begin to do that.  I just sit at home and watch my three kids (4, 2 and 4 months) and I can do nothing but cry, thinking I may never get to see them grow up.

lexislove

I was 29 and diagnosed in Sep 2007. I had a 22 month old. I have been where you are...you can PM me (private message me) if you need to talk or ask questions.

Oh ya..death sentence? NO. Look at me..my 2 year diagnosis date is just around the corner * in breast cancer land..the 2 year anniversary is a biggie...lol*

cmharris59

Hi

I am probably too old to post in this section, but I felt young when I was diagnosed.  I am single and the last thing I wanted was to lose my figure and my breast in particular (it is great during sex). Do not make any decisions until you speak to a breast cancer surgeon. Any normal surgeon will want to cut - that is their job! Also a plain generic surgeon will not be able to handle a mastectomy and reconstruction. Please get a consult with your oncologist, a breast surgeon, and a plastic surgeon.  With most breast cancers there is no rush to make a decision. It took a long time to grow and it will not kill you if you wait. I actually had chemo before the surgery to shrink the tumor and this is common to see if a lumpectomy is possible vs a mastectomy. 

Good Luck and know that you are not alone.  If you have any questions feel free to ask me.

C

mkk050709

Thanks for the info.  I am seeing my oncologist today.  The issue for me with waiting is that I just had a baby and my estrogen is so high in my body that the surgeon thinks that it is feeding the tumor and it is growing very rapidly.  It grew from 2cm to 5 cm in a six week period and it continues to grow! 

thenewme

mkk050709- I'm soooo sorry you're here. I'm 39 with 3 kids, and I was just where you are now back in November/December. I couldn't stop crying and could barely stand to look at my kids without melting down. Honestly, it does get easier. Once you get a plan with your doctors and start on the treatment path, it does ease up. Treatment is hard, no doubt, but compared with the initial diagnosis/grief/shock phase, it's way more do-able. My tumor was IDC too, and very fast growing/aggressive, so I know the sense of urgency you feel. The best advice, as cliche as it may sound, is to take it one step at a time. Best of luck at you onco visit today, and keep us posted - we understand and care!

mkk050709

Thanks.  I am feeling a little better after meeting with oncologist.  I am starting my chemo this thursday and will do eight sessions.  I will then have a double radical mastectomy and then some radiation. 

thenewme-what did you tell your kids.  I don;t know how much to tell them.  They are 4, 2 and 4 mos.  The 4 yr old knows that something is up.  I don't know what to tell them about losing my hair?  Any advice would be great. 

thenewme

Hi MKK! So glad you're feeling a tad better. There's something empowering about knowing your treatment plan and moving forward!



Your kids are so young. On one hand, it may be logistically harder during your treatment just because they're so young and dependent. Do you have a lot of support from hubby/friends/family? On the other hand, I think it will be easier for them since they're too young to understand a lot about cancer. My kids are 14, 7, and 5. The 14-yo had a hard time with it, in part just because he's an adolescent boy and thinking about mom's boobs is just soooo uncool, LOL! The 7 and 5 year olds handled it better. We tried to be honest with them about everything, and talked about it fairly casually and gradually. We got some kids books about cancer and read those, and just tried to explain that I had a bump inside my breast that they had to get out because it would make me really sick, and the medicine would make me sick and make my hair fall out. They actually had fun "helping me" pick out a wig and scarves, and they had a blast pulling out handfuls of my hair when it started to come out. Then we went to the hairdresser and the kids got to use the shaver and shave my head. It was pretty traumatic for me, but the kids remember it as a lot of fun. During the treatment, they got to have lots of playdates with friends and family, and they thought it was neat that lots of people brought us meals when I was sick. There's a great book called "Becky and the worry cup" that we really liked, and my kids each made their own worry cup. We included them in a lot of conversations about cancer and my treatment (in simple terms they could understand) so they would feel included, and they really liked to help with simple things like bringing me a drink or the heating pad or barf bag, or rubbing oil onto my skin, or whatever. My surgeon even included them, and asked them to be spies to check up on me and to let her know if I was vacuuming or doing laundry before I was supposed to. I took them to meet my doctors and let them ask questions. We definitely shared some family tears and fears, but we also got to read lots of extra stories and have more snuggle time. I just recently finished my treatment, but I'm amazed and proud at how well the kids handled it. They're so resilient. Well, I guess I'm rambling here, but rest assured that your kids will do great. Be sure to accept all the help that will be offered to you. It can be really hard, but do accept playdates, meals, transportation help, whatever. I pulled a lot of strength from my kids, when they would bring me their favorite stuffed animal to sleep with or draw pictures for me, and I think they felt great about helping.



Anyway, I'll be thinking of you as you start chemo on thursday. A word of advice - don't wait until you feel nauseated to take the meds they give you! Take the anti-nausea meds faithfully for the first few days to stay on top of it. You can do this.



Take good care of yourself!

mkk050709

Thanks so much for the info. You when you are a mom, you always think of your kids first. I guess it helps for me to focus more on them too...because then I don't have to focus on me! My kids really love to be read too, so I think getting books would be a good idea. I still don't know about the hair thing. My husband would say that I am somewhat of a control freak...so I don't know if I can handle letting my hair fall out. He suggested what you said..letting the kids cut it off. I don't know if I can do that though. I might just go get it all cut off about a week after my first chemo. I guess I'll just have to take it a day at a time. I have to tell myself that several times a day when my brain gets to far out in front of me...take a day at a time.



Anyway, thank you. You words have truly been helpful.

nash

mkk, my then 8 year old had a much harder time with my hair falling out than my then 5 year old did, so I'm guessing your kids may be OK with it since they're so young. You may not need to tell them much beyond Mommy has an owie and has to take some very strong medicine that will make her better, but that she'll look different for awhile.

Good luck with your first chemo tomorrow. Keep us posted on how you do.

mkk050709

Well, I had my first tx and the physical part of actually getting it was fine.  I had trouble with nausea and vomiting rather quickly.  I starting vomiting less then 10 hrs after my treatment and I even took all the Rx's that I was given for nausea.  I am finally able to drink a little ensure today and I am feeling much better.  I am going to get my Neulasta shot and head out shopping for wigs/wraps/hats today.  Thanks for all the encouragment. 

thenewme

Be sure to tell your onc or nurses about the nausea - there are multiple things they can give you, so maybe another med would work better for you! Eat/drink whatever sounds good to you at the moment. For me, when I was nauseous, microwave popcorn was my "thing!"



Glad you're feeling better today! Hope the Neulasta shots are as easy for you as they were for me - I didn't get the bone pain some people report!



Are your kids going with you to help pick out scarves? The cancer society has a wig bank for free wigs - have you looked into that? Also check out the "Look Good Feel Better" program - it's a great pick-me-up.



Also here is a website that offers a gorgeous silk headwrap free to patients:

http://www.franceluxe.com/c/headwraps/It's+A+Wrap.html



Hang in there and keep us posted!

happy29

Hi MKK,

 I am thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling Okay. I hope you have a good support system to help you through this difficult time.- especially taking care of your young children.  I cant imagine how you feel . One minute all is great and now your world has been turned upside down. Your children are very lucky to have such a strong role Model as a Mommy I have no doubt that you will get through all of this and be stronger and coinfident than ever before.

 God Bless you and your family.

 Happy 29

butterflyjen

You are doing great! Just keep your chin up and when you start feeling down, I find it best to be around my family and friends, even when I'm not feeling well physically. Yes, chemo sucks! That is pretty much all there is to say about it. Crazy symptoms, hot flashes,etc. I just finished my last of the eight rounds of chemo today! Probably will have to have radiation, but that will be decided soon.

As for your kiddos and the hair. Just tell them the basics. My daughter is seven and I tried to explain as best I could. I told her that the lump in mommy's breast was making me sick and that I was going to have surgery to get new breasts and then they were going to give me some medicine that was going to help me get better, but initially would make me pretty sick and make my hair fall out. When it started coming out, (which will be about 2 weeks after your first chemo) I cried like a baby. Funny as women, we are so willing to give up our breasts, but then cry our eyes out when we lose our hair! It went pretty fast, and when I got a bald spot on top of my head, I REALLY cried, got it all out, then just let it go. I gave a pair of scissors to my daughter and asked her if she wanted to give mommy a haircut, and let her cut it real short! I think it's very important to have your child involved in the process. Not telling them anything I think is scarier for them. Tell them the basics, and I guess the only one who would probably question right now will be your 4 year old, let him ask questions. And encourage them that you ARE going to get better!!!! Lots of blessings to you.

weety

Gosh mkk, as I was reading your original post, I felt like I was reading about myself!  I, too, discovered a lump in my breast when I was breastfeeding my  baby.  I am almost 10 years older than you (38) but am almost at the same place as you with kids--I guess I just started later than you.  I have 3 kids; an 8 yr old, 5 yr old, and 7 month old.  Anyways, the lump (even the doctor who did the biopsy was quite sure it was a benign fibroadenoma) turned out to be a high grade aggressive cancer.  I had a mastectomy one week after being diagnosed.  It turns out that I made the right decisiion in that area, as DCIS was found to be "extensively present" in the rest of the milk ducts in that breast.  Now I am just waiting to see the oncologist this week to find out what my plan of action will be.  I am HER2+ which means I will most definitely be going through chemo because the recurrence rate for this type of breast cancer is so high, even when the lumps are less than a centimeter.  I am scared to death and like you, can't stop thinking about how my 3 kids will ever survive without me!  I find myself staring at them all the time and feeling like I have let them down because I might not be around for them when they need me in their later years. I get angry when I see my mother-in-law or husband letting them do things I wouldn't allow, or even doing it differently than I would, because I can't stop thinking about how they will be the ones taking over and raising them when I'm gone--and they will be doing it all wrong!

 I also have been finding myself getting angry with myself for getting pregnant with our 3rd child (she was unplanned in the first place).  I keep thinking that had my breasts not been larger and full of milk, that I might have found the cancerous lump sooner, as my breasts normally are not even quite an "A" cup. There would have been no where for the lump to hide.  I know it is not the baby's fault, but your mind can really do strange things to you when you start contemplating your own mortality. 

I have been doing a lot of reading and research, though, and I'm starting to come to the realization that having breast cancer is not always a death sentence anymore.  I am really trying to take this all one step at a time, but it is easier said than done.  One of my concerns is, how will I manage to take care of 3 kids during my chemo treatments, when I don't even know if I'll be able to take care of myself???  (Especially taking care of a baby)

Summer23

I was diagnosed in May and have two girls 6 and 4. I consulted a psychologist on this subject and she said to make sure that your children know there is a plan and let them know that plan but no need to describe every detail at that age.   My husband and I sat down with them once we had our plan and very briefly discussed that I was sick and that I was going to be going to the doctor to get my medicine just like they might go to the doctor and get medicine.  Then once my hair started thinning out we told them that sometimes the medicine makes hair fall out but it will come back when I'm done taking my medicine.   We shopped for scarves together and I bought a wig.  I started wearing the scarves around the house before my hair fell out to get them used to the idea.  They also had little scarves that they would wear.   Now that my hair is gone it's not a big deal at all.  They love when I wear my wig.  They think it's "fancy."   And we have so many scarves around here that it's like playing dress up everyday with them.   But something special for them is that they get to spend overnights at their grandparents while I'm getting chemo and when I'm not feeling good and they don't even think twice about why they get to spend the night...they think it's a real treat.  A great distraction for everyone.

mkk050709

Well, I have just finished my 4th dose of the AC which is they say is the hardest chemo their is and I am having my own little celebration that it is over.  I start a new type of chemo on my next session which is 2 weeks away.  After that I will have my surgery. 

 weety911- going through chemo and keeping up with three little kids is definatley difficult, but I think it is harder on us than on the kids.  They are actually excited to being staying at grandma's house alot.  Just enlist a lot of good help and don't try to do it all yourself...let people help you.  People at work are always asking how they can help, so they are cooking me dinners on chemo days. It has really helped out alot. 

thenewme

Woohoooooo MKK!  Congrats on finishing the AC!!!!  Huge milestone - definitely time to celebrate!  So how did the kids (and YOU) handle the hair loss? 

Yeah, my kids got spoiled with all the grandma time and friend playdates, etc!   Funny, the things they remember after the fact.

Since you're doing neoadjuvant, are they doing scans/tests to monitor your response to each kind of chemo?   I had surgery first so I'll never know for sure if my chemo helped or not, and it would have been nice to have that bit of reassurance to see the tumor respond.  Anyway, again congrats and hang in there!!